hamlet, I have deep concerns about this. First, they are asking too much of the kids to expect them to not sit together, after the punishments have been handed out. The kids would have thought that was an end to it and not expected the punishment ("do not sit with your friends") to continue. To hand out more punishments would seem to the kids to be unfair. I do get that groups of boys at that age can be very annoying, but this method of dealing with it clearly is not working as a deterrent, is it?
Now as to the "he'd been reaLly annoying for several days" stuff - why did she not let you know? Why not let you know for herself, at least after the fact? Why are you only finding this out now, that YOU ask? Again, not helpful for his long-term improvement.
And now I stick my neck out. I do not believe the teacher, because I have seen this before - CYA.
I tell you a story here. I used to volunteer at the local school helping kids with remedial reading. At the time I was taking a combination of paracetamol and codeine, separately to reduce the damage of the paracetamol as my liver was in trouble. I was obviously disabled, the school knew this (bleedin' obvious). I used a "bumbag" to carry my wallet, pills etc on me at all times.
One day at the school, my little bottle of codeine fell from my bag (zip wouldn't close). It fell under the outdoor steps of the classroom. Now, in that class was my best friend's son, a decent kid and a good student. He found the bottle and saw my name on it. He SHOULD have turned it in, but didn't think of that because he knew it was mine and planned to bring it round to my house after school. He was 10 years old at the time. He put the little bottle in his pocket and said nothing more about it. But someone else saw it and reported it to the teacher. My young friend tried to explain his actions (which while wrong, were reasonable). The teacher instead accused him of stealing the pills form me for the purpose of selling them or experimenting with them (gee, is it any wonder these kids get ideas?) and he was severely disciplined. I was telephoned and told my pills had been found (I hadn't even realised they were missing) and told to come and get them. I was in trouble too, it seemed, because I had brought my pills onto school premises. But I have to have my medications on me at all times, I'm certainly not going to leave them in a hot car! I mean - I carry a Swiss army knife too, having one of those on school premises is also bad, but I have used the scissors in my knife to open packages of stuff while I was at the school. It can get ridiculous.
Anyway - my friend (the boy's mother) & I talked about it. She was upset that they accused her son the way they did, without first listening to him, She agreed he should have told someone, but as our families are really close, she understood why he did what he did. She talked to him about what to do right next time. But she was still burning up about the poor handling of the issue by the class teacher, to immediately accuse before finding out. All this happened in front of the other kids, by the way.
So after school finished that day, my friend & I went to the school to meet with the teacher (who knew we were coming - she'd had about two hours' notice). I was there mostly as witness, not really in a position to say anything.
The teacher began with, "I'm sorry to have to tell you that I am really disappointed with your son. Perhaps I was a bit harsh with him, but it was only because I have been so frustrated with his behaviour this year. He's not been a team player, he's been secretive, sneaky and untrustworthy. So when I was told about these pills, I snapped and figured it was better to react more harshly, than risk those pills possibly disappearing."
My friend was totally taken in by this and her anger at the teacher changed to anger at her son. She thanked the teacher for her candour and we left, heading back to her place. There my friend tore strips off her son who had a "whaddidIdo?" reaction and then he stormed off, angry at being punished when he'd tried to do a good deed.
It took my friend a few days to calm down, then she looked up her son's school report, issued a few weeks earlier. She had read it when it arrived but had not remembered it when the teacher had been pouring her poison in her ear.
In the school report the same teacher (the one who said he'd been an increasing behaviour problem, socially withdrawn and not a team player for the last few months) had said what a delightful kid he was, how he was always there to help his classmates and work with them on a number of projects, how he was attentive and well-behaved in class. This was the boy I knew.
So basically - when this teacher found herself in the firing line for her own impulsive behaviour, she had decided to attack the child rather than admit she had made a mistake.
I had had my own experiences of this teacher, and it all made sense to me. I had been concerned at how fast she had been able to persuade my friend that her son was the problem.
The issue was a non-issue, if only some commonsense had prevailed. The boy should have handled things differently, but some understanding could have led to a productive lesson for him instead of too-harsh and inappropriate discipline.
by the way, I was told my help with the remedial class was no longer needed, they had enough volunteers now, thank you.
So especially if a teacher seems unaccountably prickly, or tense - consider that they are doing something a teacher should not do (but sadly, it happens) and throwing the kid under the bus to save their own skins. or protect a principal. Or some other staff member.
I find it odd that catering staff are able to hand out discipline notes. But then - maybe cultural differences again.
Marg