Need advice for Satanica's placement options - could get quite wordy

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Boogie, Oct 1, 2010.

  1. Boogie

    Boogie New Member

    We live in Michigan, in Genesee county. Satanica is presently in a program by Easter Seals, supposedly the highest level of treatment available in this county (which sucks).

    A lot has went down in the last month. Where to start...

    1 - Satanica finally got approved for her SSI, thinks it's her money to blow.

    2 - My wife got her a cell phone, against my intense pleadings, which she has been grounded from at least three times in the last month.

    3 - Satanica has made false allegations against four different people of either rape, assault or molestation in the last three months. All alleged charges were unfounded and at least two parties are looking into pressing charges for false accusation.

    4 - Satanica has been talking to guys in their 20's on her cell phone. Fastone has been going through her contact list daily and telling anyone over 16 to stop talking to Satanica.

    5 - Driod has returned home, and is beside himself at the way Satanica disrespects everybody.

    6 - Satanica has been physically abusive toward Droid, including punching him in the mouth and stabbing him with a very large screwdriver. I believe Droid is in fear of her and is entering "self-defense" mode and is afraid to press charges for fear of retaliation.

    7 - Satanica was emptying the dishwasher and took off running with a filet knife, in full sight of her home therapist/case manager. We had to physically restrain her to get the knife.

    8 - Satanica had an escalation, trying to get the stupid cell phone back, in which she stood outside our bedroom door, screaming, pounding and even squealing like a two year old, until I finally snapped and went after her with a baseball bat. I put it through her bedroom door several times and it took every single drop of strength I had to keep from caving her cranium in. It was a real breaking point for everyone.

    8 - Fastone and I had a heart to heart talk in which all the hurt and resentment I've been stuffing finally poured out. I finally managed to get her on the same page as far as recognizing the severe damage Satanica is causing to all of us, how Satanica is not going to "get better" in this environment and that she really needs to consider whether having Satanica in our home is accomplishing anything but inflicting severe depression, stress and grief for everyone.

    9 - Fastone received a voice call yesterday afternoon from the 21 year-old guy stating that Satanica refuses to stop contacting him and he doesn't want her to contact him anymore. Satanica had a meltdown and cut again. Fastone took her directly to mobile crisis and Satanica is now in psychiatric hospital again after telling the mobile crisis worker, if she was returned home, she would "run away and run out in front of traffic to get hit and die, because if she can't talk to the 21 year-old, there's no point in living anymore". Oh, and it's all Fastone's fault... she "made me cut because I can't talk to my friend"... funny, I don't recall seeing Fastone holding her at gunpoint and forcing her to cut!

    10 - So... Satanica goes back to country club psychiatric hospital, where she can snow the entire staff with her "Poor, little abused Shirley Temple" facade and further demonize Fastone and I as the worst parents on the planet, pretending to "understand her maladaptive behavior and want to change" when, in reality, she'll simply learn some new tricks to run on us while having a free vacation at the expense of someone who legitimately could have used the opening to get real help.

    Now then... We are in agreement that it's in the best interest of all in this house that Satanica not be allowed to return home after she is discharged. This is her sixth psychiatric hospital stay in one year, and her behavior has done nothing but get worse each time she gets out. We really need to have an advocate who understands and can guide us in what placement options there are available.

    As far as CMH in this county goes, we're butting heads with a large rock. According to them, there is no funding for Residential Treatment Center (RTC), so what else is there? Where do we go, what do we do? We're losing our minds trying to figure it out.

    It would be really nice to chat with someone on here who is in MI who has been down this path before.

    Gotta run... Fastone put her back out Sunday and is just now going to the doctor.
  2. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Hi Boogie,
    I would ask for placement ideas from your psychiatrist and therapist. They should be able to give you names.
    I am alarmed that you were driven to go after Satanica with-a baseball bat. I suggest that you try a medication switch. I see that you are already on medications and don't know which ones, but they definitely need tweaking. I've been pushed to the limits b4 but if I feel that I am going to physically go after difficult child, I leave the house. That should be your plan. It can just be a walk around the yard to cool off, but it has to be away from the situation. I encountered this many yrs ago when difficult child was a toddler, and a military friend of mine, with-experience in 'Nam, told me I had to leave the house to cool off. He was so right.
    Don't be driven to do something you regret. You will get all the blalme, no matter whose "fault" it is.
    Again, I'm sorry I don't have placement ideas, but I would definitely call your psychiatrist and therapist and get ideas from them. They can make calls for you, too. You can also call the police non-emergency # and ask for advice on truancy, trespassing, whatever they can come up with-to get Satanica into the system. Several people here have used that route. It's not the best, but it can work, eventually. Once the judge orders it. Satanica can go from Juvie to hospital. and a more permanent, professional setting.
  3. svengandhi

    svengandhi Well-Known Member

    How old is she and does she know you refer to her as Satanica, which is actually the name I gave my former boss?

    Your options are very dependent on her age but it sounds like it is not safe to have her in the house if you almost took a bat to her cranium. I understand the frustration but maybe you need to put the bat away. You don't want to wind up in jail.

    Good luck.
  4. Bluemoon

    Bluemoon Guest

    I'm agreeing that a call to the police is in order next time she becomes violent or threatens to harm herself or anyone else in the house.

    I completely understand your frustration and potential rage, but I fear it is going to take you places that will...let's just say that for all concerned, to call the police and have her placed in Juvie is probably a lessor evil. You can explain to her that this is not what you wanted, but that because of her behavior you have no choice anymore.

    I do hope that you don't call her Satanica or in any way let her know that you think of her this way. Oh, I totally get the feelings behind it, but I also know that if she feels she cannot be good, has no good in her, then she will likely become very, very, good at being bad.

    By no means am I saying that you are to blame for anything she is doing, but in the end, you want to know that you did not allow her illness to make you sick, too. Just as sick as she is....though you would be provoked by her, of course. Just don't forget, she is driven, too, by horrors in her head that we can hardly even imagine.

    As harrowing as it is to have to deal with her, it must be 100 times more so to BE her. She cannot get away from her own head.

    So, I agree that she MUST be stopped from destroying your family as well as herself, but it can be done with a compassionate heart just the same.

    Best wishes and please don't think that I am critisizing you, I know all too well how hard it is NOT to lose sight of the child you had such hopes for.
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I'm trying to refresh my memory. Is this the child you adopted at age fifteen?

    I would not let her live with you again and, like the others said, as horrible as she is behaving, she came with a wicked past and I would not ever call her a bad name to her face. I had a very sick, demented adopted child who we had to send packing...he was very dangerous...but we never told him how we really felt about him...however, we did realize we could not parent him after the things he had done. And social services agreed with us not to ever send him back. We did have to pay child support to the state until the adoption was dissolved...good luck.