Need advice on problem

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Star*, Oct 14, 2009.

  1. Star*

    Star* call 911

    I'm not sure what to do on this one.....

    I have told Dude that before he moves out - to have the FD stand there and watch him pack and make an inventory of everything he packs, and have another friend video tape it. Then get the FD to sign on the paper that he witnessed everything being taken out of his house. I also said it may be a good idea to have the sheriff present. Reason: I think and wouldn't put it past the FF to hide something in Dudes bags then call police stating he stole it so he's arrested.

    Why? I think they want to be sure he's out of their lives and if he's in jail that would do it. Amazingly enough I no sooner had said this last week when I found out they were giving him until the end of the year - then till the end of the month to move out - and WHAM - things are missing all of a sudden out of their home.

    Yesterday they accused him of stealing a car stereo. They tried their best to get him to crawl in the car, Dude said he wasn't an idiot and has never BEEN in the car in question missing the stereo. Never. The FM came in pounding on his door with children from her daycare in tow accusing him. Dude went outside to the FD who accused him and said "Get in and look." Dude said "I can see fine from here, and I didn't take it." The FD said "Well I'm going to have to call the police." Dude said "I think that's the best thing to do - they'll dust for finger prints- and you know MINE are on file." The FD tried again to get him to get in the car...Dude said "No. - call the police, do you want ME to call them?" FD said "No, I've called them before about my stereo being stolen, they won't do anything." Dude said "Hey wait...what? You've called them BEFORE? For what stereo?" all of a sudden the FD had a case of the instant Dumbs. I'm figuring it was the last time a foster kid lived there - and they tried to set him up and have him arrested to get him out of the house.

    The other thing is the FM. Dudes friends from church came to pick him up. The boy got so upset about how the FM kept putting Dude down that he called ME and said "Why does she keep telling me these things? I like Dude, I trust him, she's really not nice to him at all - it's like she's one person in church and another in her house with him. Isnt' that like liable or slander?" She really said some awful things about Dude to his friend. He finally gets nice friends and she feels the need to stand there and berate him. I mean I almost get it if the friends were trash - but he's finally got good friends and she does this. I'm angry and really think this needs reporting but I keep thinking what's the use and I wish I would have told the boy to call the foster agency - maybe that's what I'll do. Tell him if it bothered him that much here's there number???

    I'm trying to stay out of this - much as possible but Dude absolutely inhales at sticking up for himself when he's outnumbered. And I'm almost sure they're trying to set him up. All of a sudden everyone in the house is missing "stuff". I mean come on people - how small minded is that? What's next - have that stereo show up in Dudes room? Yeah - that's probabaly it.

    I told Dude to call the police officer and tell him what was going on. Do you think that's worth a shot or is this just hopeless?

    Thanks for any advice. Dude still hasn't found a place to live - I have no idea what's going to happen in 2 weeks...he's just a wreck.
  2. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Is there anyone at church that would put him up for 2 weeks? I'd encourage him to get out of there NOW, even if he goes house to house for a week or 2.
  3. ThreeShadows

    ThreeShadows Quid me anxia?

    I would definitely ask for a member of the police force to be present to document his departure.

    Good luck to Dude. This really reeks!
  4. Star*

    Star* call 911

    He said he's asked the people of the church - (I don't think he has =embarrassing) I told him to ask the pastor. Problem is, the FP attend that same church on Wed. nights also. Lord only knows what they've told others in the congregation. (Being so kind and all)

    I fear without saying it out loud that we know where he's going to end up. DF said last night to me that he wouldn't put him out on the streets and since ALL the shelters here have closed - even the Salvation Army. Even the homeless are homeless. It's a huge problem. Of course since Cory's in jail there is always sending him up to Auntie Janet. (ROFLMkangarooOff) Mandy would move out in 3 days. ---wait....that's not a bad idea. :surprise:
  5. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    The situation is beyond mindboggling. Under ordinary circumstances I would insist that the social worker be his packing supervisor. You are not in ordinary circumstances. Frankly I believe that I would ask a policeman to accompany me and have dual supervision.

    Is there subsidized housing in your community for people on disability? I know that difficult child (who no longer lives with me) has an apartment complex in our city that prorates according to income.

    I'm sorry that life has to be such a struggle for Dude. He sure in trying. DDD
  6. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I would tell the friend to call the placing agency to complain about the foster mother. Even if all of the things she were saying were true a friend is not the one that she should be talking to. It's entirely inappropriate.

    If Dude can't find someone to stay with for the next couple of weeks, I would tell him to protect himself from these vile people by having them search his room today with a witness and without prior notice to them. If he doesn't take anything out of the house, there is no law broken. If they stash something in his room, it's totally innocent and he can say "I have no idea of how that got there, please take it away." Then, every time he leaves the house he needs to clear it through a foster parent with at least one witness. I don't think it would be out of line for you to make up a sign in and sign out sheet that shows that he has emptied his pockets and let them search him and to shove it into their faces and say point blank "I know what you're up to. If you're so worried about Dude stealing, we both give you permission to search him each time he comes and goes, and expect you to follow through." This is not a reflection on Dude. It's a reflection on them not being trustworthy and their intentions being acknowledged. It will ensure that Dude's actions are being verified.

    I don't think it would hurt for you to call his PO or whoever and let them know what you plan to do and why. Then watch them try to pull something. I know that Dude won't like it, but sometimes in order to show that you are the good guy, you have to hoover it up and prove it. It's do or die time.
  7. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member Im getting a roommate? are like me, you wont put him out now,not when he is doing better. Im already expecting that the fit will hit the shan with Cory by the time he gets out and he wont have anywhere to go. Of course, he can come here. That may not be politically correct but I will help him get up on his feet again.
  8. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I'd most definately have someone to witness his moving out. That's a must under the circumstances.

    Personally, while I know you're trying to keep detachment in place, I'd be reporting FF to anyone who'd listen....and inviting others to follow suit. This is not stuff Dude has brought on himself........this is Dude being a victim of someone else's abuse.

    Can't advice on the housing issue. I know it's terribly hard for Dude to be home. Yet I confess a weak spot due to his doing so well for so long and trying so hard, despite what has been done to him lately.

  9. katya02

    katya02 Solace

    I can't help thinking that FF needs to be called on this in the biggest way possible. As in legal charges, if possible (false police reports, fraud??), or at least insisting on an investigation that will hopefully lead to them being disqualified from ever being a FF again. What abuse. Is there any way Dude can move out without notice to FF, but have an attorney and a police officer present to keep the FF honest? Would a Legal Aid attorney be interested in this? Grrrr.
  10. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    You know Star---I wish I had advice to give. I so understand. Tripp needs to find other living arrangements---especially after today...but, I can't have him here. And everyone he knows is the same as the guy he is living with now...the whole darn town of guys that age are all the same. And all are on the radar---so no matter where he moves, the situation will be the same. I'm going to suggest he goes back to mygfgbiomom's. She'll take him back there. He left on good terms and did so well while staying there last time. Is there someone you know who could house him? An older friend?

    I've got someone I know up there. She runs a halfway house---I've mentioned it before, but if you're interested, I'll send the info.
  11. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    Other than clothing does he have anything he would take with him? Just not sure at the end it would be best to just get out of there...... but then FF would probably want to charge him a "storage" fee......... my sympathies for his situation..........
  12. Nomad

    Nomad Guest

    I would encourage him to call or you call or email someone. Get it down on the record somewhere. Be careful of your words...don't be emotional. Just let it be known that they have engaged in unprofessional practices and have shown bias against your son and you would like to disclose concerns about a potential problem. Who can accompany him during this packing? A social worker, police officer...could you do it or your DF? Who would think of as a kinda neutral, but trustworthy? Does your son personally know anyone at the church? I mean know them well? What about the youth minister? Really awful stuff...ugh!
  13. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I would get a cop to come watch him leave. They do this all the time in domestic circumstances. This is really no different. You can be outside with the car and the cop can stand inside to watch him load up stuff to bring outside. FD can witness what is being loaded. At the end, there will be no way he can argue that dude took anything because a cop was there. Make sure you get the cops name and badge number because you can call him as a witness should FD make a report of a theft. Make sure you tell the cop this is what you fear so he will remember this incident.