Need you opinions please

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by catwoman, Jul 23, 2007.

  1. catwoman

    catwoman New Member

    It's been a month since any emails from difficult child. His last one told me he had moved to PA, got a full time job and would talk to me soon. That was the last I heard and his account on MySpace has been closed. He had also given me the name of the company he's working for. I've been thinking about calling and leaving my cell number and ask him to contact me. I almost did it this morning but I'm not sure. When I saw his myspace account closed I figured, "ok, he's decided he doesn't want to be in touch with me after all." It's painful but I can deal with it because I know at least I tried. But the fact that his last message sounded like he intended to keep in touch makes me wonder if I should try to contact him. It's hard to let go again after finally hearing from him after 3 years.
  2. KFld

    KFld New Member

    That is a tough one. On one hand he has your number, doesn't he?? So if he wanted to contact you he could. Or were you just communicating through myspace. If that was his only way of contact you, then I would call and leave your number. If you know he has it and is choosing not to call, I would leave it alone for now.
  3. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    I agree with Karen.

  4. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member

    I say be patient and do not contact him. He knows how to get to you when he wants to.
  5. ctmom05

    ctmom05 Member

    It's harder than heck, but let him come to you. Our kids call us when they need something - it could be that the you need the call more than he does, which puts you in an emotionally vulnerable position.
  6. catwoman

    catwoman New Member

    I agree with all of you. I definetely need the call more than he does. The only reason I've thought about doing it is because he doesn't have any other way of contacting me except myspace. He doesn't have my cell number or e-mail address. The thing is, I don't know if myspace cancelled him "due to content" or if he cancelled his account on his own, having decided not to keep in touch. If myspace cancelled him, would he be allowed to open another account? If not, he really doesn't have any way to get in touch. You're right, Chris, I don't want to be that vulnerable again. It's just that I saw the faintest possibility of some kind of relationship with him, and I don't want to lose it. I've never stopped hoping.
  7. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    He could send you snail mail...he'd have reached you if he wanted to.

  8. kitty9259

    kitty9259 New Member

    I'm exactly in the same boat you are right now, haven't heard from difficult child in 1 month 21 days. I tryed to contact him...but I realize he has to come to me. It's the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I don't want to leave things as they are( what if something happens to one of us and this is unresolved??) I have gained a lot of strength from reading what others are going through here and it helps me to know I'm not alone, Keep yourself busy and light a candle..and don't pick up the phone for now. One thing I know is that when you are undecided about something---do nothing until you're sure.
  9. SunnyFlorida

    SunnyFlorida Active Member

    That's a really hard one catwoman. Wasn't difficult child living with a family member? do you think difficult child is able to keep in touch with someone else who could keep in touch with you?

    If you send a letter to the company with his name on it, that gives either your return address (if you post it) or your postal code location. If you give difficult child your phone/cell number that leaves the door open for difficult child to locate you more.

    I think I like the mutual acquaintance route.
  10. hearthope

    hearthope New Member

    I am out of contact with my son. He has called his sis several times, but had nothing to say to me.

    This lets me know he is still using. In the past when he would disappear he would only contact me for help or when he was tired of running.

    I know it is hard. I live it everyday now. But if he was clean and trying to live right ~ You would be the first one he would want to know, he would contact you
  11. scent of cedar

    scent of cedar New Member

    I agree.

  12. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Having little experience in this department, my first thought was that it was some kind of stupid test on his part - to see if you would contact him, perhaps some of his own insecurities at play.

    I would make sure he has your cell number by either calling his job or sending a note addressed to him marked "personal and confidential" and leave it at that. Incidentally, he can use someone else's MySpace account to find you that way if he really wanted to.

  13. catwoman

    catwoman New Member

    Thanks everyone. For now I'll leave it alone. He doesn't have my cell number, email address or snail mail address. He lived with dex last but dex doesn't know how to reach me either. He honestly doesn't have any other way to get in touch except myspace. But you've made a good point, he could use a friend's account to contact me. I don't think he's keeping out of contact because he doesn't want me to know he's using. He told me in his first email that he was still using, so I would know "the bad with the good." JoG, I had the same thought, is he testing me? Why tell me the name and location of the company he's working for? Kitty 9259, you haven't seen or heard from your difficult child in 1 month and 21 days, and it's the hardest thing you've ever done. Imagine doing it for almost 5 years. I don't know what my son looks like anymore. And then to finally hear from him and have him say, "I love you Mom, I want to try and have a relationship with you" and then have him disappear again. I feel like I have to reach out again, even though I know I will probably get kicked in the teeth. But I'm afraid, so for now I'll leave it alone.
  14. KFld

    KFld New Member

    If he really doesn't have any way to contact you, then maybe I would leave that one message just leaving the information he needs if he wishes to. If you don't hear from him, then drop it. I just know that is what I would feel I need to do. Sorry if I've confused you with the opinions others are giving you, but we all have our own opinions here and you have to take what you want and leave the rest.
  15. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    I am going to be the lone dissenter. I would most certainly call and leave him my address, and cell number or mail him a letter very casual in case other eyes look....and say HI thinking of you , mom. and include info on how to reach you.

    life is short. no regrets if you take action.
  16. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I think that if he doesn't have a way to contact you I would leave my number or send a card with my contact info. A card would be more clear than a message, I think. Something along the lines of "I've been thinking about you and hoping that you are doing well. Please call me at ---- and let's catch up."
  17. catwoman

    catwoman New Member

    Thanks again, everyone. I called today and left a message with the receptionist, he was already gone for the day. Just, "let him know his Mom called to say hi, here's my cell number if he needs it." Now I know for sure he's able to contact me and if he chooses not to, so be it.
  18. scent of cedar

    scent of cedar New Member

    Keeping you in my thoughts, catwoman.

  19. hearthope

    hearthope New Member

    Thinking of you too! {{{hugs}}}


  20. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member

    I am sorry I did not realize it had been years since contact and he had contacted you with a positive message.
    I am glad you called. You will sleep better knowing he can reach you if he needs you.