Nervous for changes.....

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Jojara, Aug 18, 2010.

  1. Jojara

    Jojara New Member

    My gfg12 has lived with and gone to school with my ex-hubby since our divorce years ago. I have always been the one to have him every weekend, all days off school, and for the summers. In essence, I have never really had to do the structured/school homework stuff with him. He has been out of Residential Treatment Center (RTC) for 14 months now- and for the most part is doing much better. No more rages, and both his father and I have pretty consistently followed the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) program structure with rewards and consequences.

    Anyway....he has wanted to live with me and husband for years now, and in reality he spends a ton of time with us anyway. We have been working with his therapist and my ex and my husband are supportive, we have developed a schedule for when and how things will be done- rewards/consequences- difficult child has had an input and agrees....everything sounds great right????

    IM SCARED TO DEATH!!!!! I feel so guilty for being scared. There is so much at stake, and it is incredibly vital to his future that I stay consistent, stay with the program, follow through, etc etc. Im totally committed to this and to him....I love this boy more than anything in the world.

    Does anybody else ever have doubts about their ability to parent their difficult child's?
  2. aeroeng

    aeroeng Mom of Three

    I don't think anyone doesn't have any doubts about their parenting abilities. I know I do. With a difficult child there is no right way to parent, only lots of wrong ones. The answers are just not clear, consistent for every child or anything you could easily know. Just do your best. The most important thing is to remain consistent with your Ex. Don't let the child pay one parent against the next or move from household to household looking for the lest restrictive parent.
  3. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    You do have something that many parents of difficult child's do not have that come to this forum - A spouse and an EX that are BOTH working together with you on this. So many threads you will read that a husband or EX-husband is just not on the same page as mom causing so many more stressers and inconsistency with the kids. Your difficult child is doing well because all the parents in his life are all working well together. I bet husband and EX will both help you in your quest to be consistent.

    We all have doubts from time to time (even those with easy child's can doubt how to parent). I have a feeling that you are doing and will continue to do great! You pretty much have him all non-school days so have faced most of the non-school issues.

    To ease your mind, you may want to have a probationary period. You may want to wait until October to start so your EX can set up the back to school schedule and your difficult child just continue those guidelines at your home. If he does well, then you and EX can discuss a change in living arrangements.

    AND...... Bring any issues you would like our input on to the forums at any time!
  4. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    Do I ever doubt my ability to parent my difficult child? You bet. But I AM his mother, so I try the best I know how. I read books, educate myself as best I can on his diagnosis and his medications, communicate with his docs, school, and therapist. We can only do the best we can, and as long as we try and show and tell our kiddos we love them, I don't know what else we can do.

    I really like the fact that you and your ex get along, and your husband is supportive.

    Why does your difficult child want to move in with you, if you don't mind my asking?
  5. Jojara

    Jojara New Member

    "Why does your difficult child want to move in with you, if you don't mind my asking?"

    He said that he likes my approach to doing homework with him. See, his dad will have him sit at the kitchen table to do homework while the TV is going, dinner is cooking....etc. My difficult child has a tough time with all the distractions, and his medications are not at their peak that time of day anyway. This often ends up in fights and consequences for difficult child, including him not completing his homework and getting awful grades. Also, his dad will engage in fighting with difficult child, its sometimes as if they both are struggling to get the last word. I dont engage in those types of fights...if difficult child's behavior warrants it then he gets consequences.

    My approach is different. When he has been at my house to do homework, I have an office where we go in together and close the door to the rest of the world. I sit right by him to kind of nudge him along, and then give him breaks....something like- if you do these two worksheets u can go play on the computer for 10 minutes...then we come back and do more.

    Anyway....difficult child said that he thinks he will do better in school and he thinks it will be good for his relationship with his dad to avoid the homework fights with him.