in my opinion ODD is a symptom not a diagnosis - Angel was 6yo when diagnosis with bipolar, ODD & adHd if look at my signature the ODD & adHd didn't get cured they never really existed. They were symptoms of unmedicated bipolar.
I understand the frustration and tears, I was right there for many years... wishing for that crystal ball to tell me how to fix it, because I knew something was horribly wrong. When you get to the route of the problem then you can work on fixing it.
It does get better when you aren't flying blind. Knock wood Angel hasn't had cops here or needed psychiatric hospital in past 2 years. We know what medications help and which to avoid, what foods to avoid, also how to interact with her without making her so angry.
I've worked in children's mental health for years and its rare for a diagnosis that was given to a 5yo to be the same exact diagnosis when they are 20yo. I think the worst misdiagnoses I ever heard of was a 7yo who was diagnosis as having schizophrenia his parents got him off milk and he was fine - no diagnosis nothing mental health ... it would have been laughable if not for all the years and medications and the fact those parents were considering institutionalizing him at one point.
That's why MWM and I said neuropsychologist or developmental pediatrician to get a full evaluation. A psychiatrist looks at mental issues a regular pediatrician looks at medical issues. The type doctors MWM and I suggest are going to look at the whole child for their whole life (actually before birth, pregnancy ?s) Not just mental, medical, food related, developmental milestones etc but they take into account ethnic background, religion, family composition, birth order.... they look at the whole child instead of knee jerk a diagnosis that is within their specialty and miss something major.
Your afraid it's something more then ODD, more less I just hope it's something other then ODD alone because that is true conduct disorder and it doesn't sound to me like you described a junior sociopath it sounds more like a frustrated kid who has an issue that is not being dealt with properly.
You might want to start a calendar (I never had time for true charting) I used red/anger, blue/sad, green/food, purple/sexual stuff, & orange for stealing, get a multicolor pack of pens and what you think needs documenting. When sleeps and wakes is valuable info too.
Hope some of this helps and please try to stop worrying, worry is like day dreaming about what you don't want - it taps your joy and wastes lots of time accomplishing nothing. We are here for you when have ?s or need to vent.
Nancy