New here...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by crazymamawoman, Jun 24, 2007.

  1. crazymamawoman

    crazymamawoman New Member

    I've been looking for a support group like this.

    I'm Lisa, married to a great guy for 14 yrs with 2 girls, 10 and 6. The 6yr old is my special difficult child that brought me to this board.

    We're still in the process of evaluation but the docs have ruled out medical causes and diagnosible disorders. I don't know if I'm happy or disappointed. I was looking for a "cause" because I feel that I'm somehow responsible even though her older sis is a placid, easy going kid.

    Our big issues are extreme tantrums, screaming, throwing, kicking and defiance. I hope this is the right group for these issues. I'd love advice on handling these 2 hour dramas. We start with a counselor Tues although our insurance doesn't cover it.

    My biggest fear is when she hits the teen years. The pediatrician even warned us about that and said to "get help now."

    I've already reserved the book "The Explosive Child" at library per suggestion on this board.

    Hope to meet all of you!

    I was a great mom until I had kids!
  2. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Welcome! You've definitely found the right group, and I'm glad you're here.

    Sorry for the questions, but your answers will help us point you in the right direction.
    What specifically has been ruled out (both medical causes and diagnosible disorders)?
    What kind of doctors did the evaluation? What kind of testing was done?
    Does your difficult child have any developmental or speech delays?
    How does she do in school, both academically and with peers?
    Any sensory issues (sensitivity to clothing, food textures, loud noises, for example)?
    Any mental health issues or substance abuse in the family tree?

    Again, welcome. You will find a lot of support here.
  3. waytootired

    waytootired New Member

    Hi..Welcome! This is one of the most helpful forums that I have found for raising our special children. Smallworld has asked some important questions, I am egger to hear the answers.

  4. guest3

    guest3 Guest

    Welcome <<<HUGS>>> you've come to the right and safe place. It is always nice to know you're not alone and no you're not nuts!

  5. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Welcome crazamama,

    You have definitely come to the right place! We all have children that have a variety of emotional disturbances in one form or another. You have also taken a great first step by getting the book The Explosive Child. in my opinion that is the best tool to help a child prone to tantrums and excessive emotion. It is one of the books the parents on this board recommend most often.

    I understand your feelings about not having an actual "diagnosis". I did not have that either for my son for quite a long time. At the time he was 4 we had some neuro-psychiatric testing, and we found out he had a Non Verbal Learning Disability (LD), but this was before Aspergers & Non Verbal Learning Disability (LD) was really understood. Therefore the professionals still could not explain why he was acting out as much as he was. Further down the road, around age 11 and 12 he began to display more hallmark symptoms of Bi-Polar, and we started the appropriate medications. Still, though, the labels doctors put on him (you can see in my profile there are a lot) never did much to help me deal with my son effectively. It has been simply trial and error with medications, behavior modification, therapy, etc. that has made the difference.

    This board is one of the best things you could do for yourself! So welcome! You will find amazing support and information from these wonderful people.
  6. crazymamawoman

    crazymamawoman New Member

    Oh, sure!

    What specifically has been ruled out (both medical causes and diagnosible disorders)?
    ADD and ADHD have been ruled out. Those were the two they specifically mentioned, but the peds also said they don't see any condition or physical cause for these problems.

    What kind of doctors did the evaluation? What kind of testing was done?
    Just our family pediatricians, two different ones from the same practice. Testing was basically their evaluations and our responses at age 3, 4 and 5 to a questionnaire rating her behavioral issues.

    Does your difficult child have any developmental or speech delays?

    How does she do in school, both academically and with peers?
    Academically, she's going to start the advanced study program next year although I'm not sure if she's truly gifted. She tested high on scores. Her older sis is highly gifted through (taught herself to read at age 2) so I really don't have a good base of comparison between the two.

    Socially, she's fairly popular and is invited to many birthday parties, etc. of her friends. But the teacher has sent home several notes (not answering in class, talking too much, being flippant, etc.) so she's not the teacher's pet like my other child is.

    Any sensory issues (sensitivity to clothing, food textures, loud noises, for example)?
    Not that any know of, although she generally refuses to eat ANYTHING we give her. Says she hates everything. Don't know if that's defiance or sensitivity.

    Any mental health issues or substance abuse in the family tree?
    You could say we have a forest. I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) (generalized anxiety) and have had depression in past. My father had pedophilia and narcisstic personality disorder. Maternal grandfather had pedophilia. Maternal great-grandfather had alcoholism. My mother and uncle committed suicide before age 22. On father's side, paternal grandfather had alcoholism.

  7. crazymamawoman

    crazymamawoman New Member


    That being said, husband and I are very determined to provide a peaceful, loving family for our girls. I believe we have basically your stable, two parent, loving home. The only yelling that goes on is difficult child's. We belong to a church, volunteer 3-4x per month as a family, take weekend trips together. Yada yada yada. No instability really.

    Hope that gives you more info about us.

    Thanks for the warm welcome!
  8. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator


    Some conditions are hereditary and appear in spite of being brought up in the most loving, stable home. I will tell you that 2-hour tantrums are not normal for a 6-year-old, and I'm sure you feel that in your gut. Something is contributing to those tantrums, and your very important job at this point is to figure out what that is.

    A pediatrician (even two of them!) doesn't have the expertise to diagnose complex childhood disorders, EVEN ADD and ADHD, and the kind of questionnaires they administered are not enough to rule in or out any conditions. Given that you have significant mental health issues -- which are hereditary -- in your family tree, I'd recommend an evaluation by both a child psychiatrist and a neuropsychologist, who can do extensive testing to look at cognitive and psychological functioning. In lieu of that, you could opt for a multidisciplinary evaluation at a children's or university teaching hospital. When you haven't even identified what the issues are, in my humble opinion, it is really not all that helpful to start with counseling, particulary if the counselor will only be dealing with the behavior and not the underlying cause behind that behavior.

    I hope that's helpful. We're here for you.
  9. kaf

    kaf New Member

    I'm new here, too, and all I can add at this point is that it's a great thing that you have the support of your husband. I didn't have that, and I know that's part of my problem with my 22 yr old. He and I both needed the support of his dad. Being involved in your church is a wonderful thing, too. I hope you'll find time to take care of yourself, too. You've got a long road ahead and you will be prepared along the way if you're emotionally and physically healthy. Good luck and God Bless you and your family.
  10. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I'm with smallmom. This is out of a pediatrician's jurisdiction. With the long list of possibly hereditary disorders your child could have inherited, I would take him to a Child Psychiatrist (with the MD) plus a neuropsychologist. Have them work together, but they are the combination that, in my opinion, gets closest to the real problem. Under no conditions would I not look into it more, nor would I assume she is being "bad."
  11. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Just wanted to pop in to say welcome! You will find much support here. This place has been a real lifesaver for me. Glad you found us-you are not alone!
  12. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Just stopping by to add my welcome - many parents here who have been there done that with their difficult children.