I stumbled onto this forum and have been lurking for a few days. I will spare you the details but will say that I could have written many of these posts. It it hard to believe how many years it has been that I have sought to place blame on things outside my difficult child for his problems...the wrong crowd, the needy girlfriend, the teacher who didn't understand him, the substance use, being too hard on him, being too easy on him... I am starting to see that the excuses stop when *I* say they do. HE may never see that his choices are what put him where he is, but *I* can see it. I can't control his choices, I can't control the trouble they cause, but I CAN at least say that he will be the one to bear the effects. Anyway, I just wanted to say hello and thanks for the wisdom.