My name is Fao, I am bi-gendered, married for just over 2 years, 23, and have a 15 month old son (first child, most likely only child). I really need some advice. I will share my story, to give people some background about my situation. I probably sound whiny, but please understand I have never had kids, I have lived very sheltered my entire life, and am very naive about a lot of things. I apologize for the lnegth but I am desperate. (forenote: I have been dealing with depression since I was 12, anxiety at least for 4 years) Me & my husband have had some pretty bad luck since I became pregnant in 2015. We did get a new apartment that year, but that was probably the only good thing (beside getting pregnant & getting married a few months before said pregnancy). After we moved into our apartment, my husband had issues with his teaching job at the time, the apartment managers were not that friendly or helpful, and not only did my mother act somewhat hateful when I told her about her first grandchild, my husbands family who we had been living with before we got our apartment were not treating us that good. Then I discovered (when I was about 6 months pregnant) that I possibly had gestational diabetes (could not take a needle during my pregnancy due to needlephobia), showing signs of pre-eclampsia, and just having trouble with my mental health. I was induced in December 2015, having my son on Jan 1st, not 6 hours after induction. After my son was born, we had a bad car wreck a couple weeks later (no one was hurt, my son slept through it, although I am now too terrified to drive now & can barely get in a car). Things were ok for awhile, although my husbands parents were not thrilled that they rarely saw their third grandchild anymore (they did not understand that I could not drive, not that I wouldn't), but then the apartment manager starting getting y at us for calling them all the time for maintenance (various issues popped up, thanks to the weird weather of Arizona in the winter/spring). They also got mad when we got a dog, which was allowed, calling us & telling us to either get rid of the dog or break our lease early (he loved to bark, we ended up taking him the the shelter not 1 month after adopting him). After leaving that apartment in the fall of '16, we moved to a city almost an hour away for a new job for my husband, which ended in him in the hospital, where when I went to see what happened, two nurses cornered me and made me feel like I needed to be checked in for thoughts of self harm. I ended up in a mental hospital for over a week, when I was told I would only be there for a day or two. All this time, I have taken care of my son primarily by myself, with hardly any help from my husband (who doesn't act like he wants anything to do with our son half the time). No help from anyone outside my husband & myself. Because of being in a hospital for a week, with my husband in a separate hospital (I never found out where they sent him, he didn't know the name), we lost our apartment and we forced to move in with parents. Since then, they have been disrespectful, rude, mean, acted like I don't exist, his mother acts like she doesn't care about our son (he has crawled to her wailing multiple times, including a time just after his first birthday where I am almost 100% certain she ran over his hand with a chair, and she has just gone on talking to someone on the phone or ignoring him), she rarely ever feeds him herself (& I don't thinnk she ever has), have made multiple comments on how we absolutely have to pay them back for everything they have helped us with even though they know we are having finacial issues, and because of their attitude towards me specifically, I have become suicidal, my depression has turned severe, my anxiety has worsened, and my self-esteem (what little of it there is) has plummeted to zilch. I also discovered in the summer of '16, I was transgender & my husbands parents have made multiple comments how anyone who is LGBT should go into hiding, not exist, die, be locked up, go to a mental hospital (which traumatized me terribly), ect. Since we moved back in with his parents, our son has begun crying constantly, begging for every scrap of food he sees, demanding that he always be held or at least that someone is playing with him, and I have begun to hate him. I can no longer stand my own son! Having him has shown me that I should not have anymore kids, but also that I probably shouldnt be a parent. I hate having him around, I no longer have time for myself & no longer recognize myself, and every moment I get to myself is spent trying to keep myself from walking in front of traffic on the interstate or taking a bunch of random pills. I am in therapy, my therapist knows about all this, but unfortunately the biggest that could help is something that is impossible for her to help with, which is finding a safe place to live (& no shelter in town will take us, & we would have to rehome our therapy cats, which we cannot do). Yes, I am whiny & selfish, but I am tired of living like this, where every waking moment is thoughts of hatred, exhaustion, killing myself, and crying.