I am the mother of a 16 year old daughter that has been diagnosed with severe depression and ODD and I am new to this forum. I seen Danni159's posting, it sounded all too familiar and thought I'd share my story.
We live in a nice suburb in St. Paul/Mpls area. My husband and I have been very happily married for 20 years and have a wonderful relationship. Therefore, a dysfunctional home setting with parental fighting is not a factor. As parenting goes, I believe we have been good parents. We are not drug addicts or alcoholics and have been very hands on open parents. Everything we do, we do as a family.
At first, we thought our daughter was just really strong willed and rebellious. I remember dreading evenings around our house because it was always something with her. It really didn't matter what it was. I really don't remember when it started but, do know that the older she got, the worse it got. Her grades started falling, with the promise she would do better until she was eventually failing all but one class, lying became an every day thing and the arguing at home increased.
We took away privileges which included major school dances, grounding from friend activity and sending her to her room. Nothing worked! One night the arguing escalated into "in your face" confrontation. We got the I hate living here and taunts to strike her with her telling her dad she wished he would hit her so she could leave our house. Nothing could be more painful to hear as a parent. She was grounded to her room. That night, she took an over dose of Ibuprofen and scratched her arm with a screw she dug out of the wall. I frantically took her to hospital and she was admitted to an adolescent crisis center.
My husband and I went to all the recommended therapy appointments, supported her and weekly therapy became part of our weekly routine when she got out. It was less than 2 months after that that we confronted her about a lie. Of course, as parents, we were angry. I guess when you have a child that has ODD, your never suppose to show anger. Believe me, it is very frustrating. We took the necessary time out as recommended by the therapist and, our daughter again scratched her arms hard enough to draw blood. We again readmitted her to the crisis center and she was placed in an adolescent resident program in Eau Claire, WI. She has been there now for over 2 months.
She was coming home for week end home visits. Last week end was unusually busy and, for reasons unknown to us, she made phone calls that were not approved by the agreed home contract and without us even knowing she made the phone calls, therefore, we did not get angry or anything, she proceeded to drink Vodka that was in our home. Nothing seems to be working. My husband and I have always expressed our love for her. I try to figure it out and run it over and over in my head. We also have an 11 year old son. I don't cry when he's around. We try to maintain some kind of normal home life for him.
Danni 159, I am not a professional. However, I can tell you that through our experience. No punishment worked. We took away everything that would make a difference and, it didn't matter. I would watch this very closely and seek advice from your pediatrician and/or other professionals and recommend looking at what ODD is and the symptoms to watch for. The sooner you get help for these behaviors, the better.
Thanks for listening!