tracev
Tracev
Hello to everyone. I found this place through Google. I hope I can find the help we need!
About a year after my husband of 11 years and I were married, we received word that his daughter was in the custody of the state of Arizona. (We live in Ohio.) {Please note, my husband had been searching for this child since he received word that she had been born in Dec. 1995} She was 4 at the time.
She had been removed from her mother's care under allegations of sexual, physical, and emotional abuse. (In the end, no sexual abuse was proved.) We were granted custody after 19 months of fighting for her. Her mother ended up losing all 3 of her kids to their respective fathers. Briana, (my step-daughter) was nearly six when she came to us. We had to take her to a therapist to help with her transition from foster care to "a permanent family situation." The therapist said Bree was remarkably well adjusted for a child who had spent the better part of her life in and out of foster care. The only thing she found strange was that Briana was not at all concerned about not seeing her mother anymore. The psychiatric. evaluations they gave both Bree and her mother determined that there was no "parental/child bond".
We were told to enroll Briana in a pre-school as opposed to kindergarten because she was "not ready" for school yet. (She had never attended daycare, pre-school, head start, nothing like that.) She was released from therapy in about 6 months. Briana's mother eventually moved back to Ohio to "try to be in her life." Bree attened visitations with her mother until she was 10. Her mother just stopped calling one day. It's now been 3 years since they have seen one another except for one incident when her mother literally hid from Bree in a department store. Bree has called me "mom" since she got off the plane from Arizona, and refers to her mother by her first name.
Now that you have a bit of background on us, here is the problem. Very early on, I noticed that Bree was different:
She didn't play like other kids her age. (I've read on another site that it's an "abnormal play pattern".)
She was not/is not nearly as mature as kids her age. (If I had to guess, I'd say she's an 8 year old in a 13 year old's body.)
She lies a lot. (even about unimportant little things.)
She's obsessed with cartoons, and video games.
She refuses to do homework, and doesn't pay attention in school. (Although she seems to be gifted in math and science.)
She is an emotional wreck. She cries constantly. When asked to do chores, homework, or anything other than watch cartoons and play video games.
She accuses me and her father of hating her all the time even though we try to make her understand that we don't, and that we love her more than anything.
She doesn't listen to us but, at school, she's always the best behaved. When she visits my mother, my mother says she's "the perfect grandchild".
She has great difficulty making friends, and for some reason she eventually alienates the ones she does have. (They think she's "weird, and annoying".) Her own cousin, who is the same age won't even talk to her.
She has VERY low self esteem. (She says she does nothing right, and no one loves her.)
About once a week, she throws tantrums like a toddler.
She has no interest in personal care. Showers, brushing her teeth, brushing her hair, wearing clean clothes, even getting dressed. (Thank God she doesn't have her period yet.)
She's very sneaky, and does things behind our backs.
We find things she has picked up off the street on her way home from school such as broken dog chains, pull tabs, flattened soda bottle lids, broken toys, just garbage. She stores it all as if it's a collection of some sort, then she'll deny she even knows where it came from.
But, that's just part of it all. I'm trying to convince my husband to put her back in therapy as this is only getting worse as she gets older. He refuses to believe there is anything wrong with her. Her school is uninterested in trying to help, I've asked before, and I was told they didn't see any issues. To top it all off, my husband and I are both currently laid off. It's been very stressful for all of us, but Briana seems not to WANT to understand, and blames us for not having much money. (We recently applied for public assistance.) I don't even know if anyone here can help us out. It gets more and more difficult for us, me especially, everyday. I've never known a child like her, and I feel for her. It hurts me to say this but, I think there is something very wrong with her, and I don't know where to turn. Thank you.
About a year after my husband of 11 years and I were married, we received word that his daughter was in the custody of the state of Arizona. (We live in Ohio.) {Please note, my husband had been searching for this child since he received word that she had been born in Dec. 1995} She was 4 at the time.
She had been removed from her mother's care under allegations of sexual, physical, and emotional abuse. (In the end, no sexual abuse was proved.) We were granted custody after 19 months of fighting for her. Her mother ended up losing all 3 of her kids to their respective fathers. Briana, (my step-daughter) was nearly six when she came to us. We had to take her to a therapist to help with her transition from foster care to "a permanent family situation." The therapist said Bree was remarkably well adjusted for a child who had spent the better part of her life in and out of foster care. The only thing she found strange was that Briana was not at all concerned about not seeing her mother anymore. The psychiatric. evaluations they gave both Bree and her mother determined that there was no "parental/child bond".
We were told to enroll Briana in a pre-school as opposed to kindergarten because she was "not ready" for school yet. (She had never attended daycare, pre-school, head start, nothing like that.) She was released from therapy in about 6 months. Briana's mother eventually moved back to Ohio to "try to be in her life." Bree attened visitations with her mother until she was 10. Her mother just stopped calling one day. It's now been 3 years since they have seen one another except for one incident when her mother literally hid from Bree in a department store. Bree has called me "mom" since she got off the plane from Arizona, and refers to her mother by her first name.
Now that you have a bit of background on us, here is the problem. Very early on, I noticed that Bree was different:
She didn't play like other kids her age. (I've read on another site that it's an "abnormal play pattern".)
She was not/is not nearly as mature as kids her age. (If I had to guess, I'd say she's an 8 year old in a 13 year old's body.)
She lies a lot. (even about unimportant little things.)
She's obsessed with cartoons, and video games.
She refuses to do homework, and doesn't pay attention in school. (Although she seems to be gifted in math and science.)
She is an emotional wreck. She cries constantly. When asked to do chores, homework, or anything other than watch cartoons and play video games.
She accuses me and her father of hating her all the time even though we try to make her understand that we don't, and that we love her more than anything.
She doesn't listen to us but, at school, she's always the best behaved. When she visits my mother, my mother says she's "the perfect grandchild".
She has great difficulty making friends, and for some reason she eventually alienates the ones she does have. (They think she's "weird, and annoying".) Her own cousin, who is the same age won't even talk to her.
She has VERY low self esteem. (She says she does nothing right, and no one loves her.)
About once a week, she throws tantrums like a toddler.
She has no interest in personal care. Showers, brushing her teeth, brushing her hair, wearing clean clothes, even getting dressed. (Thank God she doesn't have her period yet.)
She's very sneaky, and does things behind our backs.
We find things she has picked up off the street on her way home from school such as broken dog chains, pull tabs, flattened soda bottle lids, broken toys, just garbage. She stores it all as if it's a collection of some sort, then she'll deny she even knows where it came from.
But, that's just part of it all. I'm trying to convince my husband to put her back in therapy as this is only getting worse as she gets older. He refuses to believe there is anything wrong with her. Her school is uninterested in trying to help, I've asked before, and I was told they didn't see any issues. To top it all off, my husband and I are both currently laid off. It's been very stressful for all of us, but Briana seems not to WANT to understand, and blames us for not having much money. (We recently applied for public assistance.) I don't even know if anyone here can help us out. It gets more and more difficult for us, me especially, everyday. I've never known a child like her, and I feel for her. It hurts me to say this but, I think there is something very wrong with her, and I don't know where to turn. Thank you.