Thanks Ladies! I am just so weary.
To try and summarize. husband has been gone since Thursday night (a much needed weekend away). This weekend difficult child showed ultra high anxiety which wasn't surprising with husband gone. Still he was to the point of tears and unreasonable thinking when I had to go to my class yesterday. Told me I didn't care about him, didn't love him, that if I did I would come home, etc... He was this way for about an hour at least (started calling me on the way to class and left 4 sobbing messages on my voice mail.
That didn't have me angry, actually just felt bad for him because he wasn't able to think clearly.
Today, however, was a different story. I had been taking a nap and he came to wake me up. We went downstairs to turn on the Packer game. We were both in the living room together for a few minutes at which point he went to the kitchen to get something to eat. He came back in to the room and demanded I get out of his chair because he had been sitting there (he may have been during my nap but not when we were in the living room together). I know could just get out of the chair and be done with it but the tone that he spoke to me with was not something I was willing to listen to.
When I told him he needed to choose another part he started screaming at me, saying I needed to move. He pulled a blanket off me and threatened to sit on me (he's not a little guy). Then he said he was going to drag me off the chair because he should be sitting there. At that point I had about enough (I'm condensing so more was being said, etc) and told him if he did that I would call the police. He tried to grab my cell phone. He was unable to and at that point I decided to move so as to not escalate things sooner. I informed him he was at "stop the world", of course, he argued saying he hadn't been violent because he hadn't hit me.
I just ignored him. About two minutes later he asked me to make him a grilled cheese sandwich. Seriously? He was completely over the incident but I wasn't about to make him one. Then he apologized (convenient, huh?) When I explained why he said he would just make his own (fine by me). He ended up burning it and was crying and begging me to make him one. When I wouldn't he went into this huge thing about how I don't love him, I hate him, etc...
I mentioned that if he kept this up I was going to take easy child/difficult child to diner when I picked her up to get a break. He started begging for me to take him to dinner. When I tried to reason him, there was no reasoning. For the next 45 minutes or so I ended up listening to him crying, begging, and screaming. He again went into, I hate him, (this time he added in I hated him because he was Black), how I never wanted him, and on and on and on....
He said I should send him away to psychiatric hospital until he was 21, said I should kick him out of the house, said he didn't deserve to live, said he was going to run away. I calmly told him he knew I loved him and that he was upset because I wouldn't make him the sandwich or take him out after how he had treated me. He left the house for a few minutes, came back in and went back out hitting the tennis ball against the garage over and over again (our garage probably has a ton of dents). He knows he is not allowed to do this but tries to reason why he is doing it; did you know it was my fault, by the way?
When I finally went to pick up easy child/difficult child and came home he had melted butter for my grilled cheese (as a peace offering). I let him watch how I made it so he could make one. Within minutes he was back to throwing things around the house (tennis balls, tennis raquet, little football). Again there was no reasoning with them, he was bored therefore he should be allowed to do so. As of right now I have confiscated everything he was "playing" with and it will be a long time before he gets them back.
Nothing excuses his behavior today but what drives me nut is the no reasoning (he truly doesn't get it). At one point I tried to bring up a situation from this morning. I had taken difficult child to church with me (big mistake as he can't handle it). Anyway, we met a family after church that two adopted children, one who is AA. I was talking to the husband for awhile while difficult child was talking with the mom and kids. The little guy is only about 2 years at most. difficult child had told me afterwards that the little boy was naughty, crawling under furniture, yelling at his mom, and hitting her. He told me he didn't do stuff like that anymore.
When I tried to draw a comparison, his reasoning is he wasn't being naughty, it was my fault I was sitting in his spot so I deserved it. ARGH!!
Just saw how long this is and this is the edited version-yikes-sorry!