A
agee
Guest
Hey all -
1st post although I've lurked around here for a couple years reading about everyone's kids and how you deal with them.
My second son is now 7, adopted at 15 months from EE, with probable alcohol exposure in utero. He was diagnosis. ADHD at 4 and has been on stimulant medications ever since. None of them help for more than 3-4 months. He always has to be on the max. dosage. The latest is Vyvanse and it's the last stimulant. medication that we have available. He also started Fluoxetine about a year ago and is up to 20 mg/day. He takes imipramine at night for bedwetting, although he should probably come off of it. Weirdly enough, it was with the imipramine that I've seen the greatest improvement in behavior. He's very oppositional and rude and the mornings were the worst, but once we started the imipramine mornings got a lot better. I dread going off it (apparently it's short term).
He also takes 2 mg melatonin at night or else he will not go to sleep. He has no off switch. He never napped as a baby.
When he was 3 he was diagnosis. with mild sensory-seeking issues, as well, but we could not afford the Occupational Therapist (OT) so we did things at home.
He is socially behind. He obsesses about doing certain things or seeing certain people and then once we're doing the thing he complains he's bored, or he doesn't participate. He doesn't play with kids, he just plays next to them or bosses them around. He is oppositional. He will not stop talking and making noise, and he's destroyed every single toy he's ever had. He chews everything (this is the sensory stuff). He loves to get us mad. He senses when we're tired and/or overwhelmed and hits us full force with his behaviors. The only behavioral interventions that have EVER worked have been physical punishment, which is something I never thought I'd do as a parent but now I do it quite frequently. The method I liked best for behavior control was Love & Logic, not because it really did anything for him but because it focuses on the parent remaining calm, which feels like the only thing I have any control over ever.
He is behind at school in reading and handwriting, even though I kept him out of kindergarten a year because I knew he couldn't hack it when he was 5.
We've been looking for diagnosis. and help since he was 2, starting with Early Intervention, and things are not getting any better at home. I have to monitor what he's doing all the time. If he's alone he invariable gets into something. This afternoon, for example, he was sent to his room to "relax" for 30 minutes (our therapist told us it was appropriate to expect children to play alone for 30 min. at a time HAHAHAHA) and he went into his older brother's room, took his masking tape and markers, chewed up 4 markers (got ink all over the rug), and wrapped his hand with an entire roll of masking tape so that his fingers were turning purple. It took me 20 minutes to get the tape off.
In the scheme of things, this isn't overwhelmingly horrible, but it's an example of what goes on all the time around here. I asked him why he did what he did and he said it's because he has nothing to do in his room, which is baloney since he has a car set on the floor, some other small toys, and some books. We have removed most toys from his room as punishment for gouging a huge whole in his hardwood floor (which is 100 years old and which my husband refinished himself) last week, but he did have some toys available. So I yelled at him, removed the tape and markers and scissors (!) from his room, and told him the 30 minutes started over again...and he's been yelling and screaming since then.
Whew!
Obviously, I needed to vent. But I also really don't know what to do. I don't want to live like this! My husband doesn't want to live like this, and I don't think my 10 year old son should have to live like this, either. I would actually like to adopt a 3rd child, a little girl, but my husband doesn't want to because of this younger son. I know where he's coming from, believe me. He is exhausting to live with.
I wrote this because I know a lot of you have been there and done that...but I also don't know what to do about getting the kid a decent diagnosis and treatment. He's seen primarily child psychiatrists, although I also took him to a center for child development where he saw a team of specialists, including a development pediatrician, a psychiatrist, and an educational specialist. Everyone just keeps suggesting changing medications...which I am not opposed to (obviously, see above!) but it is SO FRUSTRATING for things to never get any better. Who do I need to go to see? If he's got a fetal-alcohol thing is there no hope of him ever getting any easier to live with? Is there some kind of doctor/specialist who can help us?
His psychiatrist has been pushing for Risperdal and I'm going to tell him okay to it on Thursday...I really don't know what else to do.
Help, and sorry so scattered.
A
1st post although I've lurked around here for a couple years reading about everyone's kids and how you deal with them.
My second son is now 7, adopted at 15 months from EE, with probable alcohol exposure in utero. He was diagnosis. ADHD at 4 and has been on stimulant medications ever since. None of them help for more than 3-4 months. He always has to be on the max. dosage. The latest is Vyvanse and it's the last stimulant. medication that we have available. He also started Fluoxetine about a year ago and is up to 20 mg/day. He takes imipramine at night for bedwetting, although he should probably come off of it. Weirdly enough, it was with the imipramine that I've seen the greatest improvement in behavior. He's very oppositional and rude and the mornings were the worst, but once we started the imipramine mornings got a lot better. I dread going off it (apparently it's short term).
He also takes 2 mg melatonin at night or else he will not go to sleep. He has no off switch. He never napped as a baby.
When he was 3 he was diagnosis. with mild sensory-seeking issues, as well, but we could not afford the Occupational Therapist (OT) so we did things at home.
He is socially behind. He obsesses about doing certain things or seeing certain people and then once we're doing the thing he complains he's bored, or he doesn't participate. He doesn't play with kids, he just plays next to them or bosses them around. He is oppositional. He will not stop talking and making noise, and he's destroyed every single toy he's ever had. He chews everything (this is the sensory stuff). He loves to get us mad. He senses when we're tired and/or overwhelmed and hits us full force with his behaviors. The only behavioral interventions that have EVER worked have been physical punishment, which is something I never thought I'd do as a parent but now I do it quite frequently. The method I liked best for behavior control was Love & Logic, not because it really did anything for him but because it focuses on the parent remaining calm, which feels like the only thing I have any control over ever.
He is behind at school in reading and handwriting, even though I kept him out of kindergarten a year because I knew he couldn't hack it when he was 5.
We've been looking for diagnosis. and help since he was 2, starting with Early Intervention, and things are not getting any better at home. I have to monitor what he's doing all the time. If he's alone he invariable gets into something. This afternoon, for example, he was sent to his room to "relax" for 30 minutes (our therapist told us it was appropriate to expect children to play alone for 30 min. at a time HAHAHAHA) and he went into his older brother's room, took his masking tape and markers, chewed up 4 markers (got ink all over the rug), and wrapped his hand with an entire roll of masking tape so that his fingers were turning purple. It took me 20 minutes to get the tape off.
In the scheme of things, this isn't overwhelmingly horrible, but it's an example of what goes on all the time around here. I asked him why he did what he did and he said it's because he has nothing to do in his room, which is baloney since he has a car set on the floor, some other small toys, and some books. We have removed most toys from his room as punishment for gouging a huge whole in his hardwood floor (which is 100 years old and which my husband refinished himself) last week, but he did have some toys available. So I yelled at him, removed the tape and markers and scissors (!) from his room, and told him the 30 minutes started over again...and he's been yelling and screaming since then.
Whew!
Obviously, I needed to vent. But I also really don't know what to do. I don't want to live like this! My husband doesn't want to live like this, and I don't think my 10 year old son should have to live like this, either. I would actually like to adopt a 3rd child, a little girl, but my husband doesn't want to because of this younger son. I know where he's coming from, believe me. He is exhausting to live with.
I wrote this because I know a lot of you have been there and done that...but I also don't know what to do about getting the kid a decent diagnosis and treatment. He's seen primarily child psychiatrists, although I also took him to a center for child development where he saw a team of specialists, including a development pediatrician, a psychiatrist, and an educational specialist. Everyone just keeps suggesting changing medications...which I am not opposed to (obviously, see above!) but it is SO FRUSTRATING for things to never get any better. Who do I need to go to see? If he's got a fetal-alcohol thing is there no hope of him ever getting any easier to live with? Is there some kind of doctor/specialist who can help us?
His psychiatrist has been pushing for Risperdal and I'm going to tell him okay to it on Thursday...I really don't know what else to do.
Help, and sorry so scattered.
A