Oh somebody please

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by AlwaysinTears, Feb 19, 2009.

  1. AlwaysinTears

    AlwaysinTears AlwaysinTears

    Somebody please tell me it's all gonna be OK,
    Somebody please just tell me how to fix her,
    Somebody please help me gain control,
    Somebody please just help me understand,
    Somebody please tell me what's right,
    Somebody please ask God Why, cuz he hasn't answered me yet.......

    I'm new to this and I really would just like to hear from some parents that find themselves asking themselves what to do next. I have a 7 yr old little girl, who was diagnosed with Mood disorder<Bipolar> and AdHd about a year and a half ago after a long fight for someone to even listen and not just say it was bad parenting. She had been hospitalized once for 13 days and has went to numerous Psychiatrists and Psychologists and once again I find myself questioning if we have hit rock bottom. She has been on alot of medications, intially some have worked but over time have just lost there effectiveness or have caused some not so healthy side effects. I just feel like I don't know what my best coarse of action is, She can't go to public school, due to self injuring heself in front of her classmates, and her psychiatrist thinks that a partial program will not benefit her and has left me and my ex-husband<that of which we are mostly on the same page when it comes to our daughter> to decide to hospitalize her again or ship her off to a school with the help that she possibly may need. I just can't see putting her in the hospital again because we tried that route and were right back to where we started a year and a half ago, I can't admit her willingly knowing she may have to return in a year again.... and the "school" or "program" in xxxxxxxxx only allows her to come home every other weekend. I am stressed to the max, cry daily and can't build up the strength to even begin to ask the right questions.... So if you have been where I am or are going through it PLEASE SOMEBODY HELP US!!
  2. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Hello Always--

    Let me see....

    Everything will be OK--I don't know how, but it will.

    You cannot "fix" her...and you can only gain control over yourself.

    You must understand, that the "right thing" to do is to just do the best you can.

    And God must have given you this child because you are the person that she needs.

    We are all here to lend and ear and offer you some support, if we can.

    Welcome to the board.

  3. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Hello and welcome. I'm sorry to hear you are struggling so much right now. Has anyone ever suggested a neuropsychological evaluation for your daughter? That is often a good place to start, especially when you have tried so many different routes already and no one seems to know what to do. A neuorpsychologist is specially trained in brain function as it relates to psychological issues and behavior.


    An evaluation like this can be an invaluable tool in determining which therapeutic approach to take for someone with learning disorders, mental illness, or even brain injury.

    Given the merry-go-round you've been on, I think I'd try this approach next. You can usually find someone qualified in this area through your local children's hospital or teaching hospital affiliated with a university (the bigger, the better).

    You can't address your daughter's problems until they are accurately identified, and it sounds like no one has done that for you yet.

  4. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Welcome. I hope we can help point you in the right direction.

    Can you tell us what medications/doses she is currently taking? I'm interested because the wrong medications can make a child with a mood disorder worse, not better.
  5. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Welcome, you aren't alone anymore. I agree with the others that you should consider a full re-evaluation. I also want to add that you may want to consider some counselling for yourself because the stress that our kids put us under often leaves us struggling. This isn't a judgement but rather a suggestion after many years of watching my fellow board members struggle in the face of their children's issues. Your daughter is young and it's in both your best interests for you to be as healthy as possible. {{{Hugs}}}
  6. Jena

    Jena New Member


    It will be ok, and you as a parent will begin to find your way with this in small yet gratifying ways. it does take time. being here is a good step. you need support, it isn't an option it is a requirement.

    It is when I began here that clarity and calm took over me in regards to my daughter. sometimes it all seems like alot and you have to take a deep breath and break it down into chunks and even on paper if necessary.

    medications are important if she is self injuring, also therapy. is she on medications and is she in therapy of any kind at this point?

    also what does your school system offer besides mainstreaming if they are not able to meet her educational needs? what are the options there.

    you have to remember that this is a process like many others. there are stages to it i have learned. once you receive the diagnosis it is shock and awe than follows the denial than the upsetment of why my child and than you slowly fall into acceptance which it sounds to me your already on the threshold of.

    your going to be ok, you are going to figure it out and you have to take a deep breath also here, I had terrible anxiety when i was first receiving my daughter's diagnosis i was off the map so it's all good you will find your way and we will all be here to help you.

    sending you alot of hugs!!!
  7. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Hi and welcome
    It will be OK, it may not be perfect, or what we thought of as perfect. We as parents of G'sFG have to re-evaluate our idea of perfect, even our idea of OK on some days.

    Please post a signature at the bottom. Also let us know like Smallworld said who has diagnosis'd her, what medications, what tests etc she has had.

    My Daughter is also 7 and diagnosis'd with having a Mood-Disorder (BiPolar (BP)). The one thing I can tell you is that now that we have a really good psychiatrist, the thought of Hospitalizing K is such a faraway idea.
    Our psychiatrist would rather we do anything else before we resort to this. She works very hard to keep K out of the Hospital.

    Sometimes it is the only option, but it should be a last resort.
    Hang in there, tell us more about why she can't go to School, what her issues are etc.

    Hang in there it really does get better when you have support. Like the support we give here! :)
  8. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Welcome to the board. :D

    Take some deep breaths. Parenting our special kids can be mentally, physically, and emotionally draning.

    If you don't agree with the treatment plan of the current psychiatrist/therapist, get a 2nd opinion. No one will fault you for it, and it's always a good idea anyway.

    A neuropsychologist evaluation is a good idea.

    Does your daughter have an IEP in place at school? If so, are they following it? Have you considered homeschooling as an option until she is more stable? If you can't/don't want to homeschool don't feel bad. Some it works for some it doesn't. No way could I have homeschooled my difficult child's when they were young. I needed the break school gave me. lol

    in my opinion it doesn't sound like her medications are working, or maybe aren't the right medications for her. medications can be scary. And often it can take time to find the right ones in the right doses. I put off medications until I absolutely had no other choice.

    You also might want to check out The Explosive Child by Ross Greene. Many parents here find it very helpful.

    I'm glad you found us. Also.....it's important to also take some time for yourself each day. I know it isn't always easy, but it can make all the difference. Even if it's a long hot soak in the tub or a long walk. Just some down time for yourself to relax and unwind.

  9. Yael

    Yael New Member

    Hi there
    I'm new to this too! I totally understand you and I'm sorry but I don't think I'm at a stage that I can offer practical advice but I can just say I really really know the feelings! My difficult child is 9 and up until the age of 8 he was fine - it's so frustrating and puzzeling and we are still not getting to the bottom of the story. He was expelled from school - for a month- because the school wouldn't let him be there without being accompanied by an adult!! It was mainly because the parents complained! Anyway he now has two young guys (they alternate days) who come to our house in the morning and get him to go to school and are with him during the day. It really puts the pressure off me and husband and they have had experience in dealing with difficult child's. But still we are only at the beginning (after a year of hell) .....Yesterday a colleague at work got cross with me saying that I hurt him personally in something I did (which I totally don't agree with). Anyway I couldn't take it - I just broke down in tears and couldn't stop crying for the rest of the day. It didn't help when difficult child said his usual " I hate you" when I got home. I am considering asking the Dr. for some medications for me - I just can't stop crying at the littlest thing.
  10. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Hi & welcome. I cannot "fix" your difficult child no one can "fix" your difficult child; cannot promise it will always be okay. Mental illness & children are a harsh combination & parents struggle daily to advocate for their young ones. The best one can do is achieve stability for our young ones.

    Having said that, it sounds like you've been given the usual advice as to the neuropysch evaluations. This will, at the very least, give you a map of sorts on difficult children treatment plan. It's an invaluable tool.

    When I was at the point you are right now with my tweedles I had to sit down & prioritize my concerns. Not an easy task as in my mind it seemed to change daily.

    My main concerns for kt or wm was health & safety (medication compliance, self injurous behaviors, impulsivity & the inability to discern safe or unsafe persons or situations).

    Those were the items we worked on - one at a time.

    I have a mental health care team for each of my difficult children (gifts from God - the children who bring us here). Through county mental health I have a health care manager, CADI manager (manages the in home services), therapist, psychiatrist, Integrated Listening Systems (ILS) manager, personal care attendants, etc. Those teams were long fought for & took time & patience to put together. Additionally, everyone is on the same page with my parenting beliefs.

    If your young one is still self injuring the number one priority is stabilization.

    Take this one day at a time. One hour at a time. Don't look ahead to your child's college days or high school right now. Stay focused on the here & now.

    Sending positive thoughts & white light with ((((hugs)))).
  11. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    There isn't a parent here who hasn't felt your despair. It's an awful thing for a parent to endure.

    I'm glad you found the board. The support you'll find here is sometimes the only things that keep us going at one time or another.
  12. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I'm really sorry. Often a new perspective on what may be wrong is helpful. I second the neuropsychologist evaluation to see what he thinks it is. It's not impossible that this doctor is wrong or hasn't yet found the whole problem, which is why everything he tries may not be working. (((Hugs)))
  13. Janna

    Janna New Member

    I know how you feel.

    I live in PA, too. Not sure where you are, but if you'd like to PM me and are somewhere in my vicinity, I'm familiar with services within a 2 hour radius (from Central PA to Philly). I may be able to help.

    Why does psychiatrist think partial won't work? My son, D, is in a partial, and there are some kids doing VERY well in that setting. Are you (or is he) familiar enough with partial to know what occurs? Your psychiatrist would be dropped - because partial has one - maybe that's his concern? Even if partial wouldn't work - they could then watch your child, see what's going on, make their opinions, try medications and if nothing worked, make an appropriate recommendation for your child.

    I'm sorry you're struggling. Been down that road, too. Try to take care of yourself.
  14. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Welcome. As you can see you are not alone. I'm sorry you needed to find us but glad you did. You will find tons of support here. I agree that the number one thing is stabilization even if that means hospitalization again. My difficult child has been hospitalized 3 times and the first two times were very beneficial. They were able to help him become more stabilized.

    Another important thing is to take care of you. I know it's hard but try to make some time for just you. I know for me, when I'm able, exercise is a huge destressor.

    So sorry for your pain, know that we are here for you. Hugs.
  15. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Hi Always, welcome.

    I agree with-others here, that you may need a re-evaluation of your child, not just by a psychiatrist who dispenses drugs, but by a neuropsychologist who can look for other options. Often, when all the medications fail, it is because the diagnosis is wrong and you are barking up the wrong tree. Your girl could be bipolar AND have something else that is being overlooked.
    What was she like as a baby and toddler?
    You shouldn't be crying every day. You need a break. I can see you are doing most of the parenting alone, but you are on relatively good terms with-your ex. How about if he takes her for one weekend so you can just be by yourself, clean the house, grocery shop, read magazines and relax?
    And as Yael said, looking into medications and counseling for yourself is a possibility. It doesn't have to be forever--just to get you on your feet again so you can be a Warrior Mom.
    We need all the help we can get!
  16. I'm sorry you have to be here, but you will find terrific support system here! This is definitely a soft place to land.

    That being said, I agree with the others. First off, stabilization is key particularly if your difficult child is still self harming. I too question why the psychiatrist says that partial wouldn't help. Partial and inpatient has helped my son tremendously. Our psychiatrist is actually one of the psychiatrists at the partial program that my son went to, so he didn't have to switch doctors. The only time his psychiatrist wasn't a part of the team was when he was inpatient one time at the state facility because our insurance ran out and when he was in Residential Treatment Center (RTC), however, his psychiatrist is very familiar with the psychiatrist from there.

    You learn to take things 1 day at a time - maybe in partial days at a time at first. I have learned that our lives will always be different now and that we have to take things 1 day at a time - both of my kids are difficult child's and I never know from day to day if one or both of them are going to have a bad day. We are still in the stabilization process with my daughter, just when I think things are going well - BOOM!

    Anyway, hugs to you.

  17. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Always, I don't have anything to add, other than to mention how truly lucky you are to have found this site when your child is so young. You now have benefit of a host of members who will educate you, comfort you, clarify things, hold you up, make you laugh, and sometimes annoy the heck out of you. :D

    Welcome. :flower:

  18. maril

    maril New Member

    AlwaysinTears: I am so sorry for you all. As you can see, there are lots of caring and helpful people here. Welcome.

    I am on the other side of the state from Jana and, if you would like, I could also PM you with information about resources in the Pittsburgh area.

    Hugs to you and yours.
  19. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Welcome to the board. As the others have said, you've found a place where people understand.