Oh sooo proud! (NOT!)

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by nvts, Aug 21, 2010.

  1. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    difficult child 1 ended up ambulanced to the psychiatric ER again on Wed.

    I'm getting REALLY sick of being hit. I'm just about at the point of taking a swing back at the little bugger (I never would - but one can fantacize!).

    Here's the best part. I told the police (difficult child 1 called 911 - I was so mad that I wasn't fast enough to open the line before he dialed!) that if they wanted to bus him FINE! But I wasn't riding in the ambulance - they were going to have to figure something out because my Dad (80 yrs old) was going to have to stay with the other 3, put them to bed and then wake them up to come and get me and I wasn't having it. Enough is enough. This kid knows what to say to get them to take him, we'd sit for 6-8 hours for them to do a clandestine observation, be interviewed, I'd tell them that I wanted to admit him and then they'd send us home. This would end up with either a $30 dollar cab ride home OR standing at a bus stop for minimum one hour at 4:00 in the morning in the worst section of the island.


    The police agreed to follow the ambulance and one of the officers would ride with him while I followed in the car.

    Well, long story short - they interviewed both of us - difficult child 1 and I both stated that he needed to be checked in and they refused. And here's why:

    He's faking. Plain and simple. He's faking. He was claiming to have an imaginary friend, Eric, talking haltingly so that he sounded like he was "effected" and claimed that this friend was real. The psychiatrist said "I've been doing this with kids for 22 years and I have NEVER, IN MY LIFE , met a kid as smart as this. His type of aspergers presentation CRAVES structure and organization. This is what the hospital is to him. He has someone to talk to when he wants and doesn't have to talk when he doesn't - If we put him in, he'll get out in a week and be back in the ER two days later. This kid was using psychological terminology that the ordinary child would NEVER know. I was actually unnerved for a moment and was looking around for Alan Funt Jr. I tripped him up during the questioning about Eric, but next time - he'd get the answers right."

    Why oh why can't he use his superpowers for good rather than evil???!!!!

    I'm fried. I'm truly burnt out on this kid.

  2. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I'm sorry. Many of our kids do better while in a hospital or Residential Treatment Center (RTC) because they need the structure and maybe even enjoy it, even though any attempt at structure at home is met with rage and hideous behavior. I am completely unsurprised that he is faking and manipulating to get into a psychiatric hospital. Wiz was usually able to manipulate the staff to do what he wanted. It was only about 2 yrs ago that I found out that his 2nd psychiatric hospital stay was orchestrated because there was a girl he liked and they wanted to see each other. Of course he NEVER asked us to meet her anywhere, or even if he could talk on the phone or email her! He and the girl even managed to get about 30 mins alone together in a room with no window in the door. You know what he told me about it? Snickers wrappers don't make good condoms!!! When I found out I was ready to kill him - and did take him to the doctor for a HUGE lecture (he was only 13 at the time it happened and 14 when I found out.) and some bloodwork, along with having to let the doctor do a thorough exam to make sure he didn't catch anything they could find!! The doctor was FURIOUS with him, and also made a complaint to the psychiatric hospital for not supervising the kids better.

    About the 3rd time Wiz was in the psychiatrist's office he started using the big words and terminology that she used when talking to me. He even got online to research things and used that terminology appropriately with her - he was 7 at the time.

    What could we do about it? Very little except keep a routine at home and detach as much as possible, using Love and Logic methods when appropriate. There is a L&L book that is for parenting children with special needs. I STRONGLY recommend it!

    Lots of hugs to you and the other kids. If our kids would use their abilities for good they would likely end up with MD's or Ph.D's or law degrees by the time they were 18 - but of course that isn't what they want to do. Not enough drama, I guess.
  3. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I'm sorry. I have no answers but wish I did. As you probably know, the people in the legal system here "decided" that my son cannot benefit from MH treatment but yet still walk around saying they can't put their finger on what is behind his problems or what could help him, in spite of written reports from psychiatrists. I honestly have no idea how much of it is manipulation but I do feel sure that these kids don't have the rationale as an adult would and something is not quite right with their way of thinking. Unfortunately, when they get to a certain age and state that they don't care or people determine that they are manipulating, it all becomes a punishment issue. ((HUGS)) That's all I know to offer.
  4. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Wow, nvts. I agree, why can't he use his superpowers for good rather than evil? He does seem very smart, in certain ways.

    I hope you can take a step back and breathe.

    I'm racking my brains trying to remember the exact moment when my difficult child stopped hitting me.
    I think it was when I called the police.
    He was traumatized.

    Obviously, that doesn't affect your difficult child.

    We have to use a sledgehammer approach with-our difficult child (aka using a sledgehammer to kill a fly) sometimes with-difficult child because he cannot understand that what he does is wrong, and will be met with-total resistance. It's often got to be something concrete, rather than words.
    I don't know how that would fit in with-your difficult child. I'm thinking ...
  5. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    Wow. Beth, I am sorry. At the same time I am glad if he did not need to be admitted that he was not, hopefully that will maybe help him learn he cannot manipulate the system. Hugs, and I sure hope he does not get the answers right next time.
  6. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member


    sorry. It's more of what you don't need. Perhaps he'll see he's not playing the game as well as he thinks?

    Many of our difficult children have amazing intellect.....a brain is a terrible thing to waste........

  7. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Beth... Just HUGS. I don't have much to offer... But I understand.
  8. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    I think next time you call the police...you call to report an "assault" not a "child out of control". I think you need to start that paper trail with the juvenile justice system (I know, I know...it really stinks). This child is only going to get bigger and stronger - and you are going to need to be able to have him removed from your home if things continue to escalate.

    Yes, mental health treatment would be preferable to incarceration (if that's where this heads down the road) - but you need to protect yourself.

    I'm so sorry...
  9. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    Might be time for some drastic measures, since he WANTS police to show in order to go to hospital. Maybe tell him in no uncertain terms exactly what the doctor said and tell him it is on record now at the ER so it is a waste of time to fake issues to try to get into hospital. Wasting yours and doctor and police time (not to mention his own) because it isn't going to happen, won't work. Therefore, if you pull this garbage of hitting me to act "out of control" to get police here to take you to hospital, I'll be passin galong the doctors ruling that you are faking and therefore accountable to police for criminal assault against me. You may like a hospital but it isn't happening and if this continues you'll be meeting with a judge before you know it because the days of hitting me are OVER!
  10. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Personal opinion: I don't think a kid with Aspergers belongs in the juvenile justice system. It sounds as if the lack of structure of the summer is getting to him. When does school start? What kind of school is he in? What kind of interventions is he getting to address his Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD)?
  11. ML

    ML Guest

    I am so sorry. Gosh you must be megaexhausted. The hope here is some day he makes the choice to use his talent and powers for good. My prayers and positive thoughts, ML