I have been trolling these boards for quiet a while and I'm so glad I found you all! Reading many the many stories here has comforted me and given me clarity to my own situation with my difficult child. My difficult child is 19. We've been having problems with him since he was 14-15 although he's always been the kid who you tell him not to do something, well that's precisely what he was going to do! Mainly, the problems focused around school, authority and drugs. I won't bore you with the details of how we got here but I will say thankfully he did graduate high school (boy was that a struggle!!) Since he graduated in May of 2013 things went down hill quickly. He pretty much did as he pleased, came and went(even if he had to use the window) slept all day, got and lost jobs etc. and his drug use escalated(I realize now). We knew when our lease was up in Jan 2014 we were going to move so we gave him a deadline that he had to be out because he was not moving with us. I don't think he thought we were serious at the time. A few days before Christmas he borrowed one of his friends cars (we learned our lesson with him driving wrecking his car x2, our car and his younger brothers car so we did not allow him to drive any longer) he was apparently high on something (Xanax i think) and rammed into the back of someone's car at a stop light and totaled his friends car (BMW of course!) and got arrested for DWI. Thankfully no one was hurt. Things just spiraled from there. Kept reminding him we were going to move then finally about a week before we moved he moved in with a "friend." The day we were moving he called me all freaked out and paranoid because he was in a "trap" house and he wanted out and would go to rehab! Hallelujah! So I hoped. He did well in rehab. Was diagnosed as Bipolar started medications and we got him into a sober home. He did well for a while, got a job and appeared to be doing great....then he failed a drug test. He of course got kicked out of the sober home and went on a binge. He called my husband and he took him to the ER and then tried to get him into an emergency shelter. It was a struggle not to just let him come live with us but we knew it would not be the best for us or him. He ended up living on the street or couch surfing (his choice) then one day after about 3-4 weeks he text his dad and told him he called the rehab and they would accept him again in the morning. He had just gotten out of jail, was given a citation for sleeping on a park bench then they realized he had a warrant. My husband picked him up and they stayed in a hotel and he took him to rehab in the morning. Round two! Did well again, restarted medications. This time we found a sober home closer to us and he was required to go to out patient treatment 3 days a week + one day with the counselor. We were running ragged getting him to each of these visits as it was in the evening and with traffic we spent a lot of time in the car but we did it faithfully hoping this time he would make it. Well, no....one day my husband picked him up to go to outpatient and he had a backpack with him and said he was going to spend the night with a friend. When he got home and told me I immediately thought, oh god he's going back to the street! My fears were confirmed when they called us the next day to say he was a no-show. I finally talked to him and he told me he was just not cut our for society and all the rules. He's been on the street since. Probably the only homeless guy with an iphone! However, I got a call today from a pay phone and it was him to tell me his phone was stolen so we might want to shut it off, I'm thinking he probably sold it. He has my heart but it's his life. This is a lonely place to be when you feel everyone else has perfect children. Where did I go wrong?! I'm trying to detach but it's truly hard. I know I can't help him. I pray for him daily and my heart aches like crazy. I know he will end up in jail for not taking care of his legal issues (it's more than the DWI) or worse things because of his drug use. I have 3 other children, 1 older and 2 younger. I need to focus on them. However, all this has left me with anxiety. I worry constantly about my other children and always assume the worst case scenario if they are not home on time or they don't answer the phone or text. I know it's hard on them. My oldest is out on his own and lives in another state, we had some difficulties with him as a teen but nothing compared to this and he's fully self sufficient, has a good job and a girlfriend. My third just started college, is still living at home and has had same job for over a year. And my 4th is a junior in HS, just got her drivers license and doing well. My husband and I are celebrating 25 years this Nov. I have a lot to be thankful for, there is a lot of good. So this is where I am. Trying to cope the best I can and this forum sure does help me not feel so alone!