hi u guys, i actually stopped home before picking up kids because i had to have few min. alone to type and share this with all of you. haven't even called anyone yet except for boyfriend. it was sooo sooo hard. it would of been 100 times easier had i done it alone. i left very early we had alot of snow out here, got into accident on way i'm ok thank goodness but that was scarey. then got to hospital a little late due to accident driving was herendous to say the least. boyfriend and i didn't get any sleep hardly last night because little difficult child was flying high again even on chlonidine so she slept with us and we got minimal she was up till 2 then crashed for few then up again tossing turning it was rough. then this morning boyfriend didn't realize i actually needed to take his credit card with-me to hospital. he was under impression i would call him and he'd give them info. on phone from hospital. he was half asleep this morning while i stood over him asking for a credit card. in his defense minimal sleep he had hard time making child support payment to ex yesterday so had to stop at his dads rest on way home from his to take loan from his store and so he got little crazy this moring saying why do you need card i don t understand yelling at me. i was so sad when i got into truck didn't even kiss him goodbye. we made up via text on my way in and he apologized but with all due consideration he's new at this with me he pays all the bills and i guess handling over credit card was little scarey for him. and pressure's mounting for us dealing with this. met the dr. filled out all the financial forms first while my ex nightmare sat there like a jerk. he didn't even offer his credit card. so boyfriend and i are kinda like ok he's a loser here i am quitting my job to take care of her better boyfriend's paying all bills now and has been and here is ex doing nothing. you guys he made the evaluation so incredibly difficult. he hasnt' been on road with me for it all so she was asking about different doctor's medication's etc. as i was giving info ex kept interrupting. whie i was explaining anger we were seeing ex kept interrupting say it's due to the move to long island two years ago it's due to boyfriend and i living together. difficult child has told me you two have had arguments that why she's acting like this. his kids have issues too that's why she's actin glike this. he attacked his children with whom he doesnt' even know i love those kids and he attacked them saying well one's got add and another some growing disorder adn then the nasty older one no wonder she's acting like this she's mad. i said hold on a minute i'm paying for this boyfriend offered his card to set up payment arrangements and suffers through all of this wtih me sleepless ngihts, bills, kids her obsessive ways, etc. your going to sit here and judge me us our life his kids and try to blame it on all of that. pls let's stick to the facts. we're here to help corrine not finger point. the dr. had to tell hin a few times to calm down. she asked about our history together. she asked him was there any domestic violence in home difficult child would remember??? he got quiet. i said there was an order in place yes there was alot of verbal abuse then suddenly it turned physical he slammed me up against wall one day then threw frozen steaks in my face he was removed by cops that day and an order put in place the next he was never in my home again. so yes there was domestic violence? then she said was there ever a time you weren't allowed to see your kids?? he got quiet again he said well yea the court wanted me to take this stupid class. she said anger management?? lol....he said well um yes but it's not documented anywhere. i interjected and said it is not i told him to go get help get himself together get an apt. wtih food in it and beds and after dcs came and checked it out he could have visitation back and courts/judge agreed and approved my request. so that's kind of a feel how it went. he insulted me, boyfriend, my older difficult child who is not from our marriage my life, me said i'm a bad mom that my life is a mess. etc. he got off focus and task more times than i care to remember. the room was hot there was no water i'm still on mend from pnuemonnia i thought i was going to either kill ihm with my pen or scream!!! ugh so she said to him either you calm down and stop interupptin gi want to hear what you both have to say or you'll have to leave. he didnt' stop and so she asked him to leave and set up telephne conference with him for 4 today. that's how bad he was wtih me. constant attack she asked about me after all difficult child's symptomns and i said i do this that the other i was totally open and honest regarding my own weird behaviors. she asked him he said nope i'm fine. wow he even insulted my family. so end result he left then she said ok you must love your daughter alot to of allowed him here today and to be paying for all this yourself. i said we need answers and clarity bigtime i adore her adn i'm here to help her. that's my main concern. i said hopefully you have seen him display enough behaviors to understand his make up a little. is aid our pyschdoc won't speak to him on phone anymroe because he cursed our his assistnat one day because he woudlnt' get on phone with him ok i survived. was really hard though. my heads banging alot, a real lot. he pushed to be there next week at hospital during testing i put my foot down and said no way no way. she agreed and said you know what she is paying it onlly takes one parent to be here their staying in hotel and we need difficult child calm. so no go for you to be here. then he started with i'm legally allowed to be. so i said ok i have sole physical custody and all decision making rights you have chosen to not be involved with this process for 2 years now.l now your jumping on board ther'es alot you don't get i appreciate you wanting to be involved at this point but not to piont where it affects my sanity adn decision making skills. she also told him parent followu p after testing she would do call wiht him and she did not want him there. ok sorry that was so long had to share it and get it out. now i gotta see the jerk again later on it's his weekend with difficult child.