I am wondering how many (if any) of you have a kid who is doing OK at school - provided you overlook his unwillingness to do homework that is hard and other things that are probably typical for 15 yo boys like not wanting to organize his backpack.
But this kid is a mess at home? Angry, confrontational, irritable, quick to fall apart in the face of frustration, trying to engage in power struggles at every opportunity.
He's now a freshman and over the past 3 months he has gradually gone from doing a full day but rarely more than 2-3 days a week to doing 2 periods (out of 6) a day plus 1 hour of tutoring afterwards 3-4 days a week.
He is barely attending school because his sleeping pattern is all messed up and he can't wake up until 11 or later most days. Plus he's tired when he's awake. Some days he's not sleeping at all at night but he's able to lay in his bed in the dark awake most of the night so I don't think it's hypomania you know?
We have ruled out sleep disorders like sleep apnea, medication side effects, neurologist has cleared him after a clean MRI and getting his headaches under control with Topamax, his labs are textbook perfect, his thyroid is fine. In other words all possible physical explanations have been explored with his doctors. After a couple rages, we have removed his Xbox and are uncertain if/when we are going to return it for his use. (He raged for 3 hours after I set the family timer on it to 2 hours a day.)
When he's at school, the teachers and RSP say he is focused, sometimes anxious but nothing severe, generally polite and respectful. He's doing well enough on tests to get B's so his grades aren't suffering unless you consider the fact that he's only carrying 1/2 load.
We are getting ready to hold an IEP meeting 3/1 and all of us are struggling to figure out an appropriate placement. His psychiatrist says he's depressed and anxious and should be in at least an ED classroom and best case would be residential placement. School says he should be going to regular school on a full day schedule because he has no problems at all when he's there. They say there is no justification for an ED classroom let alone an NPS or other more restrictive placement.
A young family therapist with a research program that we've been doing for about a year - she talks to us by phone 1x month and we see her in person maybe 3 x a year in addition to the initial length intake process - talked to me yesterday. She says she thinks that my son is just rebelling against me and that explains everything. Her take is that we need to let him make his own bad decisions and back off/disengage from him about school.
I know there are power struggle issues here and because of my son's long standing physical health problems we are more enmeshed than most parents would be with their 15 yo son. I doubt most of you find yourself asking your son if he pooped OK and if there was any blood when he tells you his stomach hurts, for example.
Anyway, I'm just trying to figure it all out. We don't have a family therapist at this point as I haven't found someone I felt could do a good job so far. I have a private, very experienced older therapist who worked with adolescents inpatient and outpatient for 30 years. She has been a godsend to me. She says he should be in residential treatment too and that we have done as much as anyone could do for our son.
If you have a similar experience or some wisdom to share I'd love to hear it.
Sorry this is so long.
Patricia
But this kid is a mess at home? Angry, confrontational, irritable, quick to fall apart in the face of frustration, trying to engage in power struggles at every opportunity.
He's now a freshman and over the past 3 months he has gradually gone from doing a full day but rarely more than 2-3 days a week to doing 2 periods (out of 6) a day plus 1 hour of tutoring afterwards 3-4 days a week.
He is barely attending school because his sleeping pattern is all messed up and he can't wake up until 11 or later most days. Plus he's tired when he's awake. Some days he's not sleeping at all at night but he's able to lay in his bed in the dark awake most of the night so I don't think it's hypomania you know?
We have ruled out sleep disorders like sleep apnea, medication side effects, neurologist has cleared him after a clean MRI and getting his headaches under control with Topamax, his labs are textbook perfect, his thyroid is fine. In other words all possible physical explanations have been explored with his doctors. After a couple rages, we have removed his Xbox and are uncertain if/when we are going to return it for his use. (He raged for 3 hours after I set the family timer on it to 2 hours a day.)
When he's at school, the teachers and RSP say he is focused, sometimes anxious but nothing severe, generally polite and respectful. He's doing well enough on tests to get B's so his grades aren't suffering unless you consider the fact that he's only carrying 1/2 load.
We are getting ready to hold an IEP meeting 3/1 and all of us are struggling to figure out an appropriate placement. His psychiatrist says he's depressed and anxious and should be in at least an ED classroom and best case would be residential placement. School says he should be going to regular school on a full day schedule because he has no problems at all when he's there. They say there is no justification for an ED classroom let alone an NPS or other more restrictive placement.
A young family therapist with a research program that we've been doing for about a year - she talks to us by phone 1x month and we see her in person maybe 3 x a year in addition to the initial length intake process - talked to me yesterday. She says she thinks that my son is just rebelling against me and that explains everything. Her take is that we need to let him make his own bad decisions and back off/disengage from him about school.
I know there are power struggle issues here and because of my son's long standing physical health problems we are more enmeshed than most parents would be with their 15 yo son. I doubt most of you find yourself asking your son if he pooped OK and if there was any blood when he tells you his stomach hurts, for example.
Anyway, I'm just trying to figure it all out. We don't have a family therapist at this point as I haven't found someone I felt could do a good job so far. I have a private, very experienced older therapist who worked with adolescents inpatient and outpatient for 30 years. She has been a godsend to me. She says he should be in residential treatment too and that we have done as much as anyone could do for our son.
If you have a similar experience or some wisdom to share I'd love to hear it.
Sorry this is so long.
Patricia
But... much of what she's describing rings familiar. 
I might pm you with it but really, I can summarize it if I have to. It just won't answer some of your questions/observations in any detail.
