OMG Im going to break down, and theyll win

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by barbie, Mar 7, 2008.

  1. barbie

    barbie MOM of 3

    SO, as if the issue with my daughter and her ADHD medication weren't enough to drive anyone to the brink of insanity, MY son got kicked out of yet another daycare that makes 5 daycares and one home care in 8 months. Since no one is taking my talk of him maybe having a mild case of autism seriously, Im backtracking through daycares. This daycare that he was just let go from, tells me that he does not really make good eye contact with anyone, adults or children, and while he looks to be playing with other children, he is playing but he and them just happen to be in the same area and he doesn't initiate play with any of them. With the last daycare, they said more or less the same thing, and the director of that daycare does think he may have co-exisiting diagnosis. We know he has a speech delay, we know for sure he has a developmental delay, we know he doesn't play well with anyone, has a a tendency to be aggressive with everyone, regardless of size, and has a bad habit or running out of rooms almost constantly. I called the behavior specialist who is maybe looking into schools that are better able to help with kids like Eric. I also asked for maybe some parenting classes, becausse man, it has to be something and since it takes me about 1000 yrs to get any substantial diagnosis for him, I feel like there has to be something I am doing or something I am not doing. Oh yeah, Eric also has weird food allergies, he is allergic to wheat, soy, corn, codfish, cows milk, eggwhites, peanuts, and walnuts. OMG, I so wanna break down and cry and Im afraid to cry cause the kids will run all over me if I show any weakness, how do you deal with this. (I am a single working mother) Noone will watch them cause everyone knows them. I cant get away alone if its not to work and my patients are all like a million years old and needy as my kids are... aaaaaarrrrrrgggghhhh someone help:faint:
  2. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Barb, welcome again.

    Deep breaths. We're here for you. We want to help. But you need to give us some background.
    How old are your kids?
    What kind of professionals are they seeing for diagnosis and treatment purposes?
    What diagnoses have been given?
    What treatment interventions have you undertaken? What's working and what's not?
    Has Eric been evaluated by the school district or Child Find (not sure if it's called that in your state)?

    If you can give us more details, we'll try to point you in the right direction.
  3. Lulu

    Lulu New Member

    Just wanted to say hello and you're in the right place. I'm sending lots of support. These parents who've been there and done that have so much to share. I'm learning from them too. GL and stick around.
  4. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Well-Known Member

    Hi Barb and welcome. Your frustration is coming through loud and clear. You are going to want to make sure you get on the phone to set up an appointment with a developmental pediatrician or autism clinic asap. Ask to be put on the cancellation list as there can be quite a waiting list for these professionals. You'll also want to send a certified letter to your school district's special education director requesting a full and complete evaluation for your son because you suspect he may qualify for special needs preschool and other interventions.

    Also, please change your display name if this is your real first and last name as this is a public forum and other members have had problems with schools, family members, friends and health care professionals. Remaining anonymous is in your best interest.

    Also, we need for you to create a signature so that we know a bit about your kids, such as age, gender, diagnoses and medications. This will help us keep your family straight. :)
  5. Hopeforbetterdays

    Hopeforbetterdays Hopeforbetterdays

    Welcome! I completly understand your feelings. I have a five year old son that is ADHD and on medication. He has had what I call a meltdown every day this week. Lasting for more than 2 hours. Today was the worst that he has been and I felt the same way.

    You love your children but sometimes that make it difficult to love them when every waking moment is a major challenge. Take a few breathes and keep your head up. I'm pretty new to the site but it has helped me so much with support because sometimes I don't feel like my family, friends, or husband even understands. Good Luck. :D
  6. barbie

    barbie MOM of 3

    I have three children, Linda is 6, Danae is 5 (11 months apart) (bravery or insanity?) Eric is 3. Danae and Eric were both preemies, Danae at 34 weeks and Eric at 33. With Eric's pregnancy, I became a gestational diabetic and had PIH (pregnancy induced hypertension). Eric was born a good weight, he was always fussy, very very colicky spent most nights awake, he would cry from 4-10pm almost every day, I breastfed so I didn't consider any food allergies, I went to school when Eric was 5 month old, and formulas came into play. He had a rough go of it, he had constant throwing up, exorcist like projectile with the milk based formula, and the soy formula gave him rashes.

    Besides being diagnosed with asthma, and severe GERD, no major anything. Noone tested for allergies.He was screened by early intervention at 13-14 months and found to have a 23% adaptive delay, not enough to qualify for the program. About 15 months of age, he started having diarrhea everyday throwing up every meal, his dr at the time said it was a virus, I went to his office in a month period no less than 5-6 times, three ER visits later, the month is gone and Eric still has same symptoms, but now is dehydrated, and is admitted to Miami Childrens hospital. Because of the months worth of diarrhea and projectile throw up, what started as a virus had eaten the lining of his intestine taking all the natural floura and causing him to malabsorb the fat from his foods. Still no allergy testing. He is now diagnosed with Eczema this time around, and his GERD medications are changed and he is put on lactinex to replace the floura two weeks later we go home.

    Eric goes on, we now have a mobile child, he started walking around 15-16 months and still no talking, although in the hospital records they do breifly mention his tongue being too big, macroglossia, they call it. Eric is a climber , and a runner, we often have to chase him and he doesnt really care where he is running into. I take Danae one Saturday to the pediatrician because she has strep throat and leave Eric with my grandmother, walking out of the doctors office, I get a call Eric was playing "ghost" and jumping in her bed, had fallen and was screaming, I take Eric to the pediatricians office who thankfully has a after hours office, they tape up his finger and send us on our way. Monday we follow up with the regular dr get xrays, turns out sometime when he fell he somehow broke his thumb.

    Things go on, Eric is now 2 1/2 I lose my job, so we decide to move to Orlando, it takes about a months to get a job, Eric goes into daycare #1, about three weeks in the complaints begin first Eric is running out of the room, and he seems to have picked one girl to pick on, he bites her a couple of days in a row and they tell me he cant come back, onto daycare #2, he goes a total of three days to this daycare after they are forewarned, that he is indeed a climber, he tried to jump their fence into an empty lot, they are a small daycare, I thought it would be easier for him and them, nope he is kicked out there too, onto daycare #3, APS we'll call it, he did really good at first, a few incidents including him not wanting to nap, running into a shelf cause he was running and tripped on the mat. Six stitches. Well as happens the staff changed, his regular teacher left, he was gone two weeks after she was, the routine changed, and he couldnt deal. Onto daycare #4, TK- He was there from 10-3 to 11-26. He kept running out of classroom so according to them they couldn't guarantee his safety so he has to go, daycare director is a child behavior specialist, suggests evaluation and maybe a home daycare with smaller classes. Onto daycare excuse me, homecare #5 which lasts all of one day, the morning he was fine, afternoon he became aggressive and started hitting her, she said thankyou but no, dont pay me for today just dont bring him back. We took him to early intervention program for a prelim screening, his hearing checks out and so does his vision. We get another new pediatrician who listens better than the previous ones, says maybe the misbehavior is food allergy related. We now hav a new diagnosis, he is allergic to peanuts, walnuts, cows milk, egg whites, wheat, soy, corn, codfish. She doesnt want to make any behavior related diagnosis.

    Luckily EI gave me referrals, I call one and start Eric with behavior therapy. Since the pediatrician thinks I guess she wants to look at me more than help Eric, I ask for albuterol refills and she tells me to come in, the kids has asthma forever you have it documented in records I brought you, Im not asking for kiddiecrack Im asking for a breathin medication. So here we are with pediatrician #2, who is by far a much better listener especially since now I have the behavior therapist to back it up. Us moms even when we are in the medical field we know nothing, ya know.

    Early intervention had in November given us a February 26th appointment to do the full evaluation. We went in and I dont think they should evaluate the kids with parents in the room, I want you to understand what hes like with other people not with me, he knows Im safe. He is however evaluated and he does have a developmental delay, dont know how bad, and a speech delay, trust me if youre not in on what hes talking about you dont know what he is saying. Back to the pediatrician, for Danae's Adderall script, and the dr notices that Eric isnt really engaging her, and isnt making eye contact, I ask her at what age they can officially diagnose ADHD, she tells me he's too young for medication's, I tell her Im not asking for medications Im asking for a diagnosis, she looked and me with a smile and says I can tell you that right now, he has ADHD, but I think with his behavior you should consider ruling out a mild case of autism. EI schedules my staffing for March 13th, too late for Eric to stay in his daycare.

    Today I also contacted a psychologist which United Healthcare previously said I didnt need, and they wouldnt cover because of his age, described things, and said she would work on the insurance, and would call me on Monday.

    So far here are Erics diagnosis, He has Asthma, Eczema, GERD, Adaptive delay, ADHD, Developmental Delay, Speech Delay, a list of food allergies, outdoor allergies.

    That is Erics story, I took a breath, it didnt help, I wont cry cause he'll only run more and run all over me. Now how many of you have the same or a similar story to tell. I am a medical assistant, but doctors think us moms we exaggerate things all the time. We are all a bunch of insane people. Hell, I know Im getting there.
  7. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Well-Known Member

    I have an incredibly similar story with my Duckie! No asthma, eczema or speech delay though. And I was told the biggest issue we would always have her qualifying for services is that she is very good at adapting despite her slight delays, so she will most likely fall within normal limits. Duckie's most important struggles seem to stem from frustration. Your little guy might be on overload in a traditional daycare setting and really benefit from a more structured Special Education preschool. He also needs speech therapy and Occupational Therapist (OT). Has his hearing been tested? You may also want him to be screened for sensory problems as well (they seem to be very common among our kiddos). Helping his body work better should, in theory, help his behavior. A lot of people use school services during the academic year and then tap into their medical benefits over the summer.
  8. barbie

    barbie MOM of 3

    Yeah Eric seems to do rough initially in any setting, gets into the groove and in atleast two of the daycare's the teachers changed and he didn't take the change well, acted out and before he could rebound he is out the door. His major daycare issues are his running from the classroom, climbing, impulsivity, his aggressiveness with other children and adults, and he doesnt transition well from one activity to the next, doesnt focus on instructions or tasks given, he doesnt play with other children, so much as he plays in the same area as other children, he loves to dance though,hey at this point, Im looking for anything, grasping at straws, to find anything, any diagnosis that will get Eric the help and treatment he deserves and needs. I just want help. Eric is a sweet, handsome, to me charming, loveable little boy, he just doesnt get from a to b like the other kids can.
  9. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    Welcome Barbie, I'm sorry you had to find us but I'm glad you did. I'm sorry that you have had such a hard time getting people to listen. My pediatrician took my concerns seriously the first time around and if he wouldn't have listened I would have been pediatrician shopping. Geez...these docs who won't listen to moms...a few years back the neurology association did a study and found that half of all Autism was missed by the medical community even when parents were sounding the alarms that something was wrong. It was other parents and schools that recognized the red flags.

    Bummer about the allergies--I was an allergy baby and my mom said it was incredibly difficult. The doctor had her quit breastfeeding because my eczema was so badbut then I started reacting to the formula and they were up a creek. I guess they tried everything--even goat's milk--and finally someone suggested trying Carnation Instant Nonfat dried milk and that I could tolerate. To this day I'm still dairy sensitive but it's especially pronounced in high butterfat foods so it makes sense. difficult child hasn't been so food sensitive but he was colicy and fussiness compounded with sensory issues made it a long babyhood.

    If you can get insurance to cover it, I'll tell you what I'd recommend with this little guy. I'd recommend getting a private multidisciplinary evaluation done: developmental pediatrician or pediatric neuropsychologist, audiology, speech, and Occupational Therapist (OT). Time and time again we've seen that going that route is most likely to surface issues at this young age and get them on the right path instead of having one assessment and then when that didn't work go after another. Parents often report private evaluations to be more thorough because they will use full diagnostic tools instead of just the screening tools often used by EI or school districts.

    Make sure to do some reading on Sensory Integration Dysfunction (also called Sensory Processing Disorder) as it can cause kids huge problems in group settings. I recommend Carol Kranowitz's book "The Out of Sync Child". Also put Ross Greene's book "The Explosive Child" on your reading list.

    I don't mean to discourage you but daycare is probably going to continue to be a problem until the extent of his issues are known and addressed. When you have your appointment with EI, ask about summer programs, daycare, or preschools that might be more suitable for him. Sometimes there are options out there such as Parks & Recs departments summer camp daycare that will provide aides but you have to know about it to get the help. County mental health would be another place to check with regarding the daycare.

    Good luck, and hang in there.
  10. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    You may want to take this online test to check for PDDs. If your child shows up as having a Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD), you may want to show it to your doctor. He does have many red flags for Autistic Spectrum Disorder/Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) or some mimicker. Often it is hard to get that diagnosis. early though. At this age, my biggest concern would be getting him interventions that address his delays. Here's the test:
  11. barbie

    barbie MOM of 3

    i did the quiz it said moderate Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) where do i get more info o that?
  12. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    Most Pervasive Developmental Disorders refer to Autism so you're already looking in the right direction.