OMG! More proof of allergy--difficult child off the walls

[TerryJ2]

Last night my difficult child stayed overnight at a friend's house. The mom, who, in addition to difficult child's friend, also has an autistic son (pretty severe), said she'd bring home difficult child in the a.m. At 1 p.m., they were going to pick him up for a party in a nearby city, to carpool. I agreed to take them both home at 3 p.m.

But by 11 a.m. I hadn't heard anything, so drove over there to give difficult child his medication.
He had a bag of sour cream and onion chips in one hand and a Sprite in the other. There were 3 open bags of cheddar Goldfish on the kitchen table. Dad was outside pulling weeds, and Mom was upstairs somewhere.
difficult child was hopping from one foot to the other, sliding across the floor in his stocking feet, hitting me, yelling (iow, a simple "yes" was a loud "YEAH!") and generally out of control. His friend, who is very quiet, just put up with-it and did not openly engage with-my difficult child, but wanted him to stay at the house until they were taken to the birthday party. He stayed about 3 ft away from my difficult child the whole time. (Smart kid! He has apparently learned this by having an autistic brother.)

I told difficult child that if he didn't eat any of that junk on the table or at the birthday party, he wouldn't need the pill. He started to argue, of course, so I dropped it. It was clearly too late.

Now, they're at the birthday party, being tempted by cake and ice cream. :frown:

At least he took the pill with-no argument, and I know it will keep his antics to a reasonable level for the remainder of the day.

What do you all do when your kids stay at other people's houses? Even when I tell parents which foods are off-limits, difficult child eats the other kids' food, and this a.m., he walked right up the fridge and helped himself to their stuff. NOT acceptable! But I can't chain him to my house. I just hope this all wears off by tomorrow a.m.

When my difficult child goes to a birthday party, I stuff him full of "good" food so he has no desire to eat when he gets there. But today I didn't have a choice.
Sigh. :cry:

 

[Lothlorien]

Missy is not allowed to have anything with corn syrup or food coloring. It is very hard, but where ever she goes, the parents are made fully aware. I usually bring safe snacks that she can have and bring enough for her friend. We went to a party yesterday. I ran to the bakery and got her a GINORMOUS brownie that she could eat, instead of the cake which was loaded with stuff that she couldn't have. I go to all the school parties to make sure she doesn't have it. I know it's hard, but you just have to be really on top of things. You have to be a control freak about it.

 

[TerryJ2]

LOL! :grin:Okay, will do.
husband wants to avoid all sleepovers at others' homes until we convince difficult child it will have to be under control.
I think he'll want to sleep at someone's house so badly that he'll give in almost immediately to having us provide the snacks in bags.
Now, to work on the parents...

 

[TerryJ2]

Ack! He's just been invited to a sleep-over birthday party this weekend... :hammer:

 

[Lothlorien]

Well, this shall be a test. You have to set the rules with him and let him know that if he breaks them, he will no longer be allowed to go to anymore sleepovers. Call and speak with the parents. Let them know what he can have and what he can't. Hopefully, they won't have things that he can't have, but if they do, ask them to closely watch him. If he breaks the rules, then no more sleepovers until you are sure that he is willing to be compliant.

 

[Josie]

My daughter is gluten and casein free. I always send her food with her and I make sure it is something she thinks is a treat. I do tell the parents usually but it is really my daughter's responsibility. I do not expect the parents to monitor her eating. I just want them to know about it so they know why she is bringing her own food.

I'm not sure if my daughter was cheating before or if we were mistakenly thinking some foods were ok but I have warned her that if I suspect she is cheating, she will not be allowed to go to other people's houses and/or I will follow her around when she does go out. I even showed up for lunch one day at school so she would know I was serious. Now she is very compliant with the diet from what I can tell.

 

[TerryJ2]

I was thinking I may have to follow him around for awhile.

Right now I'm so tired I couldn't follow a slug. Tomorrow will be better.

 

[kab]

I think your concern about food triggers is serious. you wouldnt feed a friend with a peanut allergy PBJ sandwiches-many kids have life threatening allergies to mundane foods, and as parents its up to us to alert friends to kid allergies so that no inadvertant exposures occur. Now that said, most kids with nut allergy know it can kill them so they speak up and politely decline the killer PBJ. However, you should be able to engage parents and use the allergy analogy-and hey while you cant chain your kid to the house you also wouldnt send them to a friend's house where you know loaded guns, x rated flicks, or alcohol were accessible to the kids? and it sounds like the food thing could be that serious for your son. would it be too creepy for you to provide your own snacks for whatever get togethers were happening-a cooler full of fun but safe stuff? my kids are younger so I may be out of touch here with what is realistic. good luck.

 

[Lothlorien]

Terry,
Do you have a local natural store? Is there a Whole Foods or Wegmans near you? I find that Whole Foods has better prices. Those stores have TONS of all natural sodas (no dye or corn syrup), fruit strips, candy and generally good foods. I make a trip about once every couple of months and stock up. For the most part this works. (I've had a few hiccups lately from sneakiness that ended up with extremely poor results). I send "safe" snacks into school for her. So, when they have a little party at school, there are alternatives for her. The teacher's aware of the issue, so she's happy to comply.

 

[tiredmommy]

Terry,
Duckie was on a very complicated & difficult rotation diet for a year and a half. I didn't "explain" to parents per se, but they took it seriously (probably because I'd train them on how to administer the epipen too). We packed our own food and often provided for the entire group so that Duckie wouldn't feel singled out. We got through it with very little resistance. It is difficult but can be done.

 

[Josie]

Am I right that your child is also gluten/casein free? If so, I always make my kids' treats because the ones you can buy are not the best. I eat girlfriend/CF as well as my kids and if I had to eat the store-bought ones while every one else had their food, I would be tempted to cheat, too.

I also, depending on the situation, try to send enough for the other kids. And I try to make my kids food look as close to the "real" thing as possible, if not better.

 

[TerryJ2]

We don't have either of those stores, but we do have a health food store not too far away, and a Kroger grocery store with-a smallish health food section.
difficult child just lost his overnight at a friend's birthday party because of his behavior yesterday, but can still attend the earlier part of the party... so that's where I have to think about the food.
They plan to have pizza and hotdogs.
Sigh.
I'm hoping I can just stuff difficult child with-food b4 he even goes there. I can't provide food for the whole group because it's not my party. :wink:
Good ideas here, though.
Thank you.

 

[Josie]

To me, the planning is the worst part. So much of my time is spent figuring out what we/difficult child will eat in those situations.

Personally, I would not like to go to a party where I had nothing safe to eat. I would bring something that I liked even if it wasn't the same as every one else. It is boring for me to watch everyone else eat and I am an adult. I think it is a lot to ask of our kids to do that without either cheating or resenting the whole diet which eventually leads to cheating.

I would send both of my kids with their own cupcake and depending on the situation, their own pizza and/or hotdog if they could heat it up, or if no microwave was available, some potato chips or popcorn. I would feed them before or after if I needed to but let them have "junky" safe food at the party. I do not worry so much about nutrition for parties because, let's face it, if they were on a normal diet, they wouldn't be eating nutritiously at a party. I would send enough potato chips or popcorn that they could share but not enough to take over the whole party.

What kind of diet is your difficult child on? Maybe I can help you with ideas. I'm pretty familiar with gluten, casein, soy, and peanut allergies. Somewhat with egg allergies.

 

[TerryJ2]

Hmm... hadn't thought of making my own cupcakes... we may have some leftover from Sunday... we made mixed berry, gluten free cupcakes. Thanks!

 

[Lothlorien]

You can always freeze cupcakes and brownies and keep them on hand. Send them in for a snack and by the time it's time for cake, the item should be defrosted.

 

[Amity30]

I had a similar incident but the parents of the friend were the problem.

My difficult child daughter stayed the night with a coworkers daughter. We explained fully why she can't have things and what things are okay. well when i went to pick her up she had a red mustache. I about feeked she was totally out of control and screaming every word. She knows she can't have red and when i asked her wheat it was she drank she told me that it was specail just for her and it was "all natural" I looked at the mom and she winked at me, so I asked her to show the juice. She pulls out crystal light. I told my daughter to get her things and goto the car. she of course started to cry ( mommy has done this before ) and stoped off screaming that she had to leave. I asked the mother why she told her it was all natural and she said there was nothing wrong with the food it is all in the childs mind and if you don't tell them it is wrong then they wont react to it.. I about went phyco on the lady. I gathered up my child and left there telling her there was no way on God's green earth that she was going to be allowed over there again. She has gone over there again but she doesn't trust the mom anymore becuase she spent the next 24 hours after last time throwing up from all the junk she ate..
difficult child takes food with her everywhere and now she sees herlf as healthy not that she is limited.


TELLING HERE THERE IS NO WAY IN THE WORLD SHE WOULD BE ALLOWED TO GO OVER THIER

 

[Lothlorien]

Amity, I think I would have had a very hard time keeping my hands off of that woman. Even after you told her and she gave it to her anyway!!!!!

 

[TerryJ2]

Amity, that was rude and deliberate on the mom's part. I'm angry just reading the post. Arrrgh!!!
I love the idea that she is healthy and not limited. It is so hard to educate kids that way when everything is stacked against them (incl thoughtless moms!) :mad:

 

[TerryJ2]

Tiredmommy, yes, I suspect that the epipen had an impact. It's something people take seriously. So that validated the dietary info. Strange, how people don't believe us sometimes.

We had some kids over for a birthday party once. One was very allergic to peanuts. His mom casually mentioned it to me. I had just seen a TV special about someone who died, and I was a wreck throughout the party! Nothing happened, of course. I'm just the opposite of other parents, I think. Too much "what-iffing."