OMW! Making assumptions!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by lovelyboy, Jan 25, 2012.

  1. lovelyboy

    lovelyboy Member

    My little darling is struggling to adjust in preschool....I know he might have a speech delay, so I am fine with the ST assessing him, exct.
    I asked his teacher yesterday how he is doing.....she said he is still withdrawn and doesnt really share with the others, that it could be because of the speech problem.....Then she also said that she is trying to encourage him TO MAKE EYE CONTACT! Ok, for some one who has one child on the spectrum, this is disasterous words!!!!! She is also teaching him to follow instructions, because when spoken to he doesnt react......Ok, I know at home this is also a problem.....and yes I had made mental notes of him lining up all his objects and yes I know he does handflapping.....but he is only 4!
    This teacher doesnt know that he and difficult child doesnt share the same genes, but knows difficult child is on the spectrum! So I just though, OMW.....making assumptions already, only after a week! Dont always know if its a good or bad thing to share info with the teachers!
  2. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Well if she is noticing this stuff already and she doesnt know the two are related, I would think she is noticing this instead of making assumptions. My oldest sons kindergarten teacher noticed his learning disabilities in Kindergarten and saved us years of heartache because she had a learning disabled child of her own so she knew the signs very early. We got lucky. If he had had a teacher who had thought he was just lazy, he would have gone through several grades before he was tested and these things were found.
  3. Ktllc

    Ktllc New Member

    Keep in mind: teachers are not here to diagnosis. But just to be on the safe side, why not take your little man to the Doctor(s) who diagnosis your oldest?
    If there is something, you want to help him as soon as possible. If there is nothing, you can then ask the teacher to please not make assumptions .
    Either way: get on it as soon as possible or the "what if" will eat you alive.
    And keep in mind: no one kid is a like (even when they share genetics) and at such a young age, no one knows how things will turn out.
    Just to give you an example: Partner had a SEVERE language delay affecting expressive and comprehensive. He is now 100% issue free.
    V was an early talker so I thought back then that he was in the clear. V now has a very significant social communication delay.
    Sweet Pea still does not make words despite weekly therapy. You know what: I just ride with it and don't make long term assumptions!!
    Ride with it and try not to scare yourself. You will have times of extreme worries but fight not to feed on it.
    Sending kind thoughts your way accross oceans and continents!
  4. buddy

    buddy New Member

    So, she just knows that they are brothers and that the older one has autism so is assuming they are genetically related, right? She could be making assumptions... if he is not hand flapping or lining things up with her.

    Eye contact can be just shyness of course and he just started school so adjusting could be the issue.

    But of course I am sure you must be wanting to know as early as possible right? I agree it can't hurt to take him to get him checked out just to make sure. It would be amazing if the odds ended up with you adopting two kids on the spectrum who are not biologically related, just really quite a thought.

    Sorry. You know, you might want to tell her about the boys not being genetically related! I hope she is not one of those old fashioned people who thought that autism was an emotional disorder...
  5. lovelyboy

    lovelyboy Member

    Yes.....must say, I will be looking into it....the ST said she will assess him this week and give feedback next week! I also think he might have more of a SI problem......but I am ready for it! This happened whith the 2 of them....the pead was so surprised when it was diagnosis that both of them were suffering from asthma! So when little one was diagnosis I was like....ok, no prop I know how to handle asthma......:)
    What worries me is that difficult child psychiatrist said to us, we have one son with a problem, difficult child...we need to give more attention to the little one otherwise we will create a second child with problems.....So now I am so worried that little one might have a problem because then it indicates that me and hubby should have done sonething to prevent it, right?!
  6. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I'm thinking that maybe he just meant not to ignore the other child. But it could have been more. I would ask.

    In regard to the teacher, I wouldn't have minded if teachers had worked on eye contact with-my son, but they couldn't slow him down enough to do it! Still, you may want to chat with-her and tell her to slow down a bit. She seems overenthusiastic. Does she know that eye contact can mean anything from direct eye contact for a second, to focusing on somone's eyebrow for a half hour? Everyone meets that criteria a different way. Just saying ...
  7. buddy

    buddy New Member

    uggg, i whole heartedly disagree. I guess for parents who maybe dont think it through like you do it could maybe be a part of it. And certainly it is very very true that kids will imitate eachother. but if difficult child is not getting a pay off for what he is doing negatively, then I have to wonder if little one will would want to do it. And things like lining up toys...might be a copy...if difficult child is doing it too. but is he? and what other things is he actually copying? does difficult child hand flap? Certainly he can't imitate a language delay. (speech patterns he could though)

    It is not that it is your fault, it is just what kids do when they live together. They see each other and pick up on things. You can of course look at it and try to give little one attention and special outings just as you can do for difficult child to give them lots of attention apart from each other without competition. But if you dont, it wont make him Autistic! (I know you know that, but toss the guilt ok... it wont help anything) HUGS
  8. zaftigmama

    zaftigmama New Member

    Man, the dumba$$ things doctors say to parents--no. This is not your fault. Not. your. fault. If your younger son is on the spectrum, you didn't cause it anymore than any of us caused our difficult children disabilities.