One step forward, a giant step back

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by LostMama, May 4, 2010.

  1. LostMama

    LostMama Guest

    I was going to post last night how proud I was of our difficult child. We had a rough weekend regarding her failing grades and the schoolwork that needed to be completed. We removed most of her privileges until the work was done...cell phone, internet, hanging out with friends. Anyhow, she turned in a bunch of work on Monday and I received a call from the teacher stating that she was now caught up and getting a B in the class. Yippee!!

    I took her out to dinner with 3 of her friends to celebrate. We had a lovely meal with lots of laughter. Yay, progress.

    This morning I took her to a volunteer thing. It was a cigarette litter put gloves on, pick up & count cigarrette butts for an environmental thing. Anyhow, I thought it would be a great opportunity for us to talk about smoking (something she's been doing on the sly) and for me to just let her know that we care about her and don't want her getting hooked, etc. Had a nice morning. She received lots of praise from the coordinator. It was all good.

    Dropped her off at school, took my other son to lunch and on our way back...guess who I see walking down the street with a boy???? She left school grounds with him.

    I couldn't get to her street and by the time I circled round and backtracked...they were gone. Went to the school and spent 3 hours with the resource officer and the administrator...interviewing her friends, etc.

    We ended up tracking her down. She is now on a 3 day suspension for leaving school. We again removed her privileges...and she bolted from our house when she realized I wouldn't let her use the house phone, too. She went to a trusted friend's house. The mom is a mental health nurse and she has been very helpful with keeping our child there and safe. Anyhow, I let our difficult child cool off there. Came back home to check difficult child's IM activity...and discovered this boy is actually 18 years old!!

    So then I got mad because I don't know what's going on between them but I do know an 18 yo shouldn't be involved with a 13 yo! I called the police but they said the law is kind of gray. I can't really press charges unless I can prove he coerced her to leave the school. If she just left on her own desire and met him, it's not illegal. Seriously??? He's 18, an adult according to the law. I didn't give him permission to hang out with her when she should be in school. arg!

    So now we are contemplating pulling our difficult child out of school and shipping her to her grandmother in another state for a short time period, probably a week. Three reasons 1) to know that she'll be safe, 2) to give us a chance to prepare for full implementation of the program we are following before the big 'camp consequence' camping weekend that is coming up soon and 3) I need respite! Every time she bolts, I have to stop what I'm doing and focus 110% of my energy on finding her. It's exhausting.
  2. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    K, get your difficult child on birth control ASAP. I had to do this for kt; our pediatrician & I discussed it before her menses began. It was a given once kt started her period the hormones would & were prescribed.

    Since your difficult child isn't in a real stable period of her life I don't see any reason not to send her to grandma's; sounds like you really need the respite.

    What program are your following. I'm wondering if difficult child needs a tweak in her medications given her raging hormones, the risk taking behaviors (i.e. leaving school with an adult male).

    Hope things settle down sooner rather than later.
  3. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    K, I agree with Linda - if she's hanging with an 18 year old she should be on birth control. But I do question how she even came in contact with him? She's in middle school and he's at least a senior in high, if not already graduated. How in the heck did they come in contact with each other in the first place?

    If you feel that grandma can manage her, which would be my concern, then send her. I suppose, at this time, you are not concerned about missed school?

    Is she signed up for a nature camp this summer?

  4. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    K, I agree with Linda that it's going to be important to take a close look at your difficult child's medications. If she has bipolar disorder, stimulants like Vyvanse tend to destabilize kids with BiPolar (BP). Here's a link to the Treatment Guidelines on the Child and Adolescent Bipolar Disorder website:

    These guidelines, based on medical literature and formulated by a consensus conference of child and adolescent psychiatrists, provide step-by-step strategies for the treatment of depression and mania in young patients. Some parents find it helpful to print the document out and bring it to appointments with their children's psychiatrists to discuss treatment options.

    In general, children with BiPolar (BP) need a first-line mood stabilizer (Lithium, Depakote, Lamictal, Trileptal, Tegretol) plus an atypical antipsychotic like Abilify to achieve stability. You may not get there with Vyvanse in the mix.
  5. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    I see that you are in Florida. Is that the "Camp Consequences" program for teens and parents? The one where the kids get a mini "boot camp" and parents get a mini "vacation"...?

    You'll have to let us know how that goes...
  6. LostMama

    LostMama Guest

    Daisyface, yes, the program is for teens and parents. Well, actually it's for kids as young as 7. They highly suggest that you bring the whole family so that you don't make the 'problem' child feel like the problem child. They want it to be a family event. From what we've been told, they take it easy on the younger kids. As far as what we, the parents, will be doing...I have no idea! They are purposefully vague about that. I wouldn't love a mini vacation because the thought of spreading mulch with the kids doesn't excite me too much! LOL
  7. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    How exciting!

    From what I've heard....parents and children are seperated. Kids go to rough tents that they must assemble. Parents sleep in cabins and deluxe campers.

    The kids get up early and do camp chores to "earn" their meals and activity priviledges. Parents sleep in a bit, enjoy a large breakfast, and spend the day learning strategies for dealing with their kids' out of control behavior.

    Kids are taught to respect their parents. Parents are taught not to be so lenient with their kids.