a little background... My 12 difficult child has ASP, ADD and Epilepsy... takes concerta, abilify and was on trileptal... recent swith to depakote. this school year has been really tough... difficult child developes incontinence problems..possibly due to abilify... school was very rude about the problem... his aide and the school nurse would call me to come get him. and then act like it was my fault he was wetting... when i asked to be notified when he ran out of clothes to change into it was not done... then they were like i should know cause he's my kid... how i am supposed to know without being told i still haven't figured out.. the principal makes the nurse apologize for being rude to me.. and i told him i would just maqke sure there are clothes in the book bag every morning, this will make it so i don't have to be notified. decreased abilify to try to correct problem in the mean time had to change neurologist for insurance reasons, ask the new one about changing the abilify, due to incontinence... after routine EEG she feels it is more important to change seizure medications.. abnormal spikes now in a different area. His mood are all over the place, his anger is horrible. Almost gets suspended for showing aggression to his aide... he did not actually physically touch her. When his aide reports thing to me, it always feels like she is being judgmental... i try to let it go, maybe it's just how she is. But my son has on numerous occasions told me that she has said things that are judgmental and inappropriate... like your mom should quit smoking...cause your bookbag stinks. Also, even though it is in his iep that i can scribe his homework if he dictates, she tells him that she doesn't like it. OK so this brings us to Friday.. i am so upset about this.. my daughter came home from school and told me that someone is going to come talk to us... My difficult child son is like it's ok it's just his Vice principals friend...come to find out... His school called DYFUS... my son had a slight black eye.. the aide questions him about it, he tells her it must have happened when my husband flipped him on the bed to spank him.... the night before he did get 1 spank for throwing food at our 3 yo, lying about it and slamming the door when sent to his room. My husbnd turnd him over to spank his bottom, and my son put his hand in the way... 2 days earlier, my difficult child threw his science textbook at the 3 yo and his notebooks at me. I tossed his notebook back to him, and told him to put his HW away, the corner of the notebook hit his cheek under his eye. this is how his eye got a mark... but not remembering that he told the school it must have happened when he got spanked. So now dyfus thinks my husband gave him a black eye. totally not. I have to wait the weekend out to see if they are going to open a case against us, and my nerves our shot. I so dont believe this. I get kicked and hit by my difficult child on a daily basis and now they are implying i abuse him. Anyway from whay i have been told if a case were open it would mean parenting classes woohoo. some things i have decided... in the meantime, i will no longer do hw with him... if he fails so be it, even though his iep says hw is not to be counted against him, they never follow that anyway. but trying to get him to do any of it just ain't worth it anymore.. also I don't want him having this aide anymore, i am so sick of her judgments and inaccuracies. " she actually had the gaul to tell me she thinks he is over medicated"... great now she is a dr. Thurs.. before this all happened his psychiatrist suggested i call an iep meeting for him to attend.... now i fear it will look like i am reacting to this new situation... Do i have the right to tell the school to keep her away from my son? what should i do about iep meeting? and is my decision not to do hw with him abuse? will that come back to haunt me? please any advice is much appreciated.