Opinions???

[DenitaS]

I am a little more in control of my anger this morning!

I wanted to get your opinions on our options.

A. Allow difficult child 2 to go and stay with a friend and see how far that goes. (Hopefully till her court date) I will then PLEAD with the Judge to see if they can help in ANY way.
I plan to take the paperwork from the last time this all happened with us and the notes and lists she made before leaving.

B. I can call the state and tell them that I am Refusing to Accept Parental Responsibility and just deal with that as it goes along.

So, what do you think?

Thanks again!
DS

 

[toughlovin]

My suggestion was to let her stay with a friend. Is this a family you know? Anyway it would give you a break for a while which I am sure you need. I would go to court, I would bring all your paperwork and I would be clear that you feel like you are out of options and need help. So yes to option 1.

As far as calling the state, I think it would make sense to call them and see what they think your options are. Clearly you need some support. At least see what they say.

 

[klmno]

I think I would see if your state has a "parental Placement" option, which means she would be placed somewhere by DSS with your agreement but you could get custody back if you changed your mind and even though she wouldn't be in your custody, you retain parental rights this way- it isn't the same as child abandonment or DSS taking the child from you. Some states have this option but some don't. I think you would still be financially responsible responsible for her and have to pay CS, but you retain some say-so in where they place her and in decisions regarding her welfare.

 

[DenitaS]

The BIGGEST problem with A is the mom mentioned that she would have to have a part time job (which I SUPPORT) to pay for her own partying (NOT SO MUCH)

I have decided that it has been a LONG 6 years that we have been doing this. I called the state. Now I just have to trudge through my decision. I JUST don't have MORE to give. I have done everything in my power to make things work with my family. I have a 2 year old in my care. I cannot have my 16 yo calling me obscene names and getting physical with us in front of him. It just isn't want I want him to grow up with. I love BOTH of my difficult child's but, I just don't have anything left. I don't even have my own emotions anymore. It's not healthy for me, my grandson, or my marriage. I just have to take what's next and move on. I am going to push (shove) for an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) placement. The treatment center she is at believes that it is the only thing that will help. I hope for her they are right. I pray/hope that CPS will not take the word of an incorrigible 16 year old over ours and remove him from our home as well. HOWEVER, I know that is a risk going in. I am giving it to GOD and hoping that it goes as it should.

 

[klmno]

Well, I understand the feeling of having nothing left to give. I've lost my career, home, the pets will be next, on top of the child I thought I had. And next week, I will be telling a PO that has never met me or difficult child, "No, I am not going to sign your parole plan for difficult child right now because I don't know how long he'll be in Department of Juvenile Justice, I don't know where I'll be or what I might have available to offer as a home when he's released, I don't know where his head will be then, and you all are going to have to do more than just keep in contact in order to rehabilitate my son and unless I think there is reason to believe things will be different this time, he can't come home" and Lord only knows what that will lead to.

 

[CrazyinVA]

Hugs. Keep us posted. I completely understand coming to this decision.

 

[DenitaS]

Well it seems that we have not exhausted EVERYTHING yet! (Although, I have not heard what they are offering) CPS mentioned day treatment or in house therapy! I figure fine, I will go it your way to protect the baby. I can't imagine this will last long! She will find out that she cant' go stay with her friend and throw a fit and will be out the door within a week! Guess I have to play it out for the 2 year old though.

Thanks for your support!
DS