Marcie Mac
Just Plain Ole Tired
SO's visit to the doctor last week wasn't very good - he wants him in the wheelchair - now - his spine has collapsed a little more, he is in a lot more pain. But.. He is still walking around - last night at auto racing, his passion, he almost didn't make it back to the truck and was in agony most of the night.
And me, a nightly thing, I find myself defraging the computer at 2:45 in the morning, or just staring into space, trying to formulate the "game plan"
I have never had a darn game plan in my life - my difficult child attitude to life in general "just winging it and see what happens" is failing and I am absolutely miserable and lost without it - its been my survival skill all these years. Thinking too much seems to be hazaradous to my health - the more I think the more of a panic I get into. If this is a "you get older and get wiser" kinda thing, let me tell you it absolutely eggs to ones who live on impulse. Its not natural
I am up at 3:00 this morning now thinking about how am I gonna get him in the shower when he can't walk anymore. Should I rearrange the bedroom now so he is closer to the bathroom. Where can I find directions on the internet to build a ramp for the front door. Should I go in the spare room where that darn electric wheelchair is and practice disassembling it and practice using the truck ramps to get it in the truck.
I know when the quality of life for him gets too bad what he is going to do. More stuff that weighs on my mind. I know the doctor visit is in order for a Paxil rx - I just even hate having to think about being drugged to get thru each day. I can go months without it, till I start thinking too much..
Sigh..
Marcie
And me, a nightly thing, I find myself defraging the computer at 2:45 in the morning, or just staring into space, trying to formulate the "game plan"
I have never had a darn game plan in my life - my difficult child attitude to life in general "just winging it and see what happens" is failing and I am absolutely miserable and lost without it - its been my survival skill all these years. Thinking too much seems to be hazaradous to my health - the more I think the more of a panic I get into. If this is a "you get older and get wiser" kinda thing, let me tell you it absolutely eggs to ones who live on impulse. Its not natural
I am up at 3:00 this morning now thinking about how am I gonna get him in the shower when he can't walk anymore. Should I rearrange the bedroom now so he is closer to the bathroom. Where can I find directions on the internet to build a ramp for the front door. Should I go in the spare room where that darn electric wheelchair is and practice disassembling it and practice using the truck ramps to get it in the truck.
I know when the quality of life for him gets too bad what he is going to do. More stuff that weighs on my mind. I know the doctor visit is in order for a Paxil rx - I just even hate having to think about being drugged to get thru each day. I can go months without it, till I start thinking too much..
Sigh..
Marcie