Woke up to this epiphany and seeking to learn some new wisdom from you all on it..... FUTURE --- I've gotten pretty good at not getting/staying too entangled in future events re: difficult child. Not always, but waaaaay better than I used to be. PRESENT --- I've also gotten pretty good at not getting/staying too entangled in present events re: difficult child. Again, not always, but waaaaay better than I used to be. PAST --- Here's where I sometimes vacillate (which I find terribly ironic, because to me the past should be the no brainer....it's already happened, why get entangled in it?). I conclude there are 2 reasons I can sometimes get entangled in the past re: difficult child: 1) PTSD --- Traumatic past events sprout big tentacles which can grip tightly if the right trigger is found to bring the emotions of certain events racing back. We've all been there.....there have been hugely traumatic events in all of our lives re: our difficult child's. That's why we're here on this website seeking and sharing wisdom. Beyond cognitive reasoning alone, our Limbic Systems are a WONDERFUL inner emotional system that biology/nature gifts us all to warn of impending danger to be avoided for our survival. That Limbic System is supposed to be in our brains -- It may bring PTSD long-term, but it also saves us, short-term. 2) Boundaries --- It occurs to me that the vast majority of our boundaries (husband's and mine) are based on PAST events. That's pretty logical and wise on many levels. Makes sense. So, here's my question to you all...... **** How can we hold onto the PAST (for boundaries) and let go of the PAST (for PTSD) at the same time? I wish to view the traumas of the PAST more as a point of reference than a point of terror. Sometimes I seem to do this well, in an almost Zen-like way. Other times I do it poorly, in more of a PTSD-like way. Neither is a constant, I go in spurts....depends on how often I see difficult child or what triggers are pulled. Can you all relate? Can you share your wisdom on this matter with me, please? Thanks!