PMS and Messes!

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by ML, Nov 14, 2009.

  1. ML

    ML Guest

    I've become less tolerant. I started taking estrogen patches a few months ago due to my early menopause. I also found out I have ostepenia ugh. So I started getting cycles again and all that goes with it. It's funny because I've not had this in a couple of years and now I can step back and observe this from a different perspective and identify it for what it is. I've gotten back the feeling of depression, sensitivity and dissatisfaction I used to get on a regular basis.

    So poor husband is the recipient of my irriability. Before I was like "oh well, he's a slob I guess I'll just have to pick up the slack and clean u pafter him. Now I'm all worked up and cleaning with attitude. For those about to marry, I rank compatibility with messy/clean up there with financial. If you love a slob, be prepared for him to NOT change and know you will have a thankless lifetime job of cleaning up after him. And if you breed messy kids too, my condolences.

    He comes into the house and strews clothes, cigarettes, keys, paperwork, inahlers, glasses, cases, etc. ALL OVER. And when I start to tidy I get attitude, like how dare I mess with his stuff. I told him today when I received such attitude that there were two rooms I have detached from in this house that I leave alone and if he would like, I could do the same to the rest of the house. These two rooms are so bad that he is even embarassed if people go in them; they are closed and no one ever goes in there. One of them is his bathroom and I will spare you the ugly details.

    How do you resove these difference. I have a need for a clean and orderly home and he clearly does not. Is there an answer? Should I increase my ad's? lol

    I guess this is partly just a vent but if anyone has suggestions I'm sure listening.

  2. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Man cave with an underground tunnel.....:tongue:
  3. ML

    ML Guest


    You gave me my first laugh of the day. Thank you!


  4. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    I wish I had some advice for ya. I was married to the slob of the century, and then had his offspring.:faint: It seems I have always lived in chaos until Matt moved out last year!

    Truthfully my only answer has always been to get home from work and fervently clean. I cannot stand disorder, so I would just clean up after everyone rather than endure the fighting.

    I don't think this is the perfect answer, nor am I suggesting it, but it is how I coped. Since he is not going to change, the other solution would be to just accept the mess, and learn how to chill in disorder.

    I know these are not great answers. But I just wanted to send you moral support! And to tell you to hang in there.
  5. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I don't know, unless you think you could pick a couple of rooms that he stays in a lot but you don't, and you can stand for him to leave them messy if he's willing to help you keep the others clean by picking up after himself in those other rooms.

    As far as PMS- I used to get it but I'm not sure how bad it was as compared to other women- I can say it got worse as I approached MP and then I went thru a few years of sheer He(double hockey sticks)- and I'm sure I wasn't the friendliest person to be around. Hopefully, the worst of that has passed. Still, I don't have the tolerance for things I used to have but I'm starting to think some of that is just getting older and being less gullible to believing things will get better someday on their own. LOL!
  6. ML

    ML Guest

    Thanks for the great advice. I'm taking a hybrid approach. Leaving certain rooms for him to express his need for mess and fervently cleaning the others. Order is essential to my inner well being as well. I can accept my powerlessness in many areas but environment is one place I DO have the power to change. It's just not ez. ODAAT. Heavy sigh.
  7. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Cigarettes AND inhalers? He has lung problems and still smokes? I would have a fit so bad as to be classified a tornado that tore through three states! It is one of my largest peeves, and I was a social smoker for several years (broken up over 10 years, not for more than 6 months at a time. I have stopped for good by realizing that I smoke when depressed. It is my early warning sign. So if I want a smoke I go back on prozac, LOL! but true.)

    What if you gave him a basket to put his stuff in when he gets home. You don't touch anything in the basket and you can keep/pitch/whatever YOU want with anything that doesn't go in the basket?

    Other than that, sit down and have an honest talk, or write a letter if that is better for you to express and him to comprehend, about how the mess causes problems for you.

    As for the PMS, talk to your doctor about anti-anxiety medications. I took .25 mg xanax for YEARS only during the week of my period and a few days before/after. Less than 3 doses a day and 15 per month usually. It made me more able to hold my temper in control. I didn't get as upset and the entire family was more functional.
  8. ML

    ML Guest

    Yep Susie, he has Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease (COPD) and still smokes. It's the addict in him. At least he is sober. The basket idea would work if it was just little things. He never throws anything away. I'm taking emails he prints out, newspaper articles, old clothes, junk he inherited from family members long deceased., scripts, knick knacks, etc. Another option would be a bigger house. Part of the problem is we are in a small town house.

    I am taking Lexapro so maybe I should consider an increase.

    I think I'm going to make a list of things that are bothering me and we'll talk to the counselor.

    I think my ability to let things go is what has been missing here lately. Perhaps some alanon meetings would help.