Police Escort Called For Again - Inpatient Stay #4

[On_Call]

difficult child has been doing well at home. A few weeks ago, I posted that he had won his division at the karate tournament. He has been dealing better with easy child. We even went away for a weekend trip and he was great!

Yesterday, I was at work little more than a few minutes when the collaborative day program called and said I needed to come. I immediately headed out on the 45-minute trip. About 10 minutes later, my cell rang - I pulled over to answer it - and they were asking my permission to call for an e.r. escort. I asked them to wait for me - they asked what time I could be there - said they would call for them to be there about 10 minutes after I arrived. I think we were all trying to avoid me showing up with police cars blocking the driveway again - lights flashing and sirens blaring.

I got there in record time. Same situation, different day. difficult child calmed for me in under 2 minutes. Went with the officers willingly. We sat in the e.r. from 10:30 a.m. until 7:45 p.m. Then a 1 hour intake meeting. I left difficult child about 8:50 p.m. He cried and I have to admit that I did too. Not in front of him, though. I told him things would be alright and not to give up.

Problem is, I just feel very sad and very numb right now, for the most part. I am fairly certain the staff feels that I am thisclose to snapping my darn self. It's just that I have felt lately that nothing ever changes, except we all keep getting older. We have been riding the diagnosis/medication roller coaster for around 7 years now. At a recent evaluation. by a new psychiatrist called in for a consult, we were told he doesn't think difficult child fits the BiPolar (BP) criterion. He said maybe aspergers with odd and hyperactivity. Well, funny doctor, but that's what the initial doctor said who evaluated difficult child when he was 4. It's like we've come full circle. He even said that he feels we are reaching the end of the available medications to try.

I am a positive, dust-yourself-off kind of person usually, but not for the past few weeks, certainly not yesterday and not today. I feel horrible for feeling this way when I am telling difficult child not to give up - that we'll figure it out, but I guess I thought that's what he needed to hear.

I am just one sad warrier today. :sad:

Please keep us in your thoughts.

 

[tiredmommy]

Jamie,
I'm sorry this happened again. I know you were so hopeful after the last few weeks. Remember though, that our children are still growing and changing, so don't be surprised by a diagnosis being revisited. Try to think of a diagnosis as a road map that points to treatments that may eventually lead you to stability and increased functionality. I hope that your son's team will come up with a plan that really helps this time. {{{Hugs}}}

 

[nlg319]

I am sorry for your pain and frustration. You are such an awesome mom to remain positive and encouraging for your son, even though you feel hopeless. I hope that this crisis can bring some treatment for your son.

 

[timer lady]

Jamie,

There comes a point on this roller coaster ride that you are simply surviving; you have no feelings left other than physical & emotional fatigue.

I doubt that you're at the end of medications - you may have gone full circle; and your difficult child has grown. What maybe didn't work earlier may now have an impact. It did for the tweedles. It may be that difficult child needs a MS along with the seroquel.

Having said all that, I'm glad that difficult child is in a safe place for the time being. Recharge yourself now.

I have got to say that the ages of 8 to 11 years were the worst for the tweedles. Now we have a solid diagnosis with a solid treatment plan in place (plus raging hormones).

Take care of yourself, lady.

 

[WhymeMom?]

<span style='font-family: Comic Sans MS'>Jamie, I will be thinking of you today and sending strength your way. Our family never reached the point your has, but I do know the frustration of no accurate diagnosis. The docs we saw were always just guessing and we were forever "trying" this medication or that medication. Began to think we were guinea pigs and paving the way for some great study. Few of the couselors we saw made much of a difference. It was totally frustrating! The only change came when our difficult child matured a bit. He is totally off medications, but that is only because he won't stay in a program long enough to get diagnosed and get a scrip. He is out of our home and presently has been out of jail for a record seven months. He is somehow supporting himself, don't think he has totally changed, but at least the chaos is out of our home. I realize every case is different, but if you can give it some time and not let it take you out with your own anxiety things can improve. Yeah, I know...another wide-eyed Pollyanna....but the way YOU react is the only thing you can effect.

Thinking of you and your family....</span>

 

[oceans]

I think that kids are very difficult to diagnose at this age, and it can be very frustrating. Are there any medications that have worked better than others? Have you tried other mood stabilizers besides Lithium, and was there ever a good response on Lithium? Don't give up hope. With time, and patience, and lots of persistance, you will eventually find a treatment that will work. Sometimes you need to make a fresh start with a new psychiatrist, or do a new evaluation, or find something you have not tried before or thought about. Eventually he will grow older, and it might be easier to diagnose him, or a new psychiatrist will try a different mood stabilizer. Something will change and it will get better. Hang in there!!!

 

[DDD]

Sending understanding hugs and support your way. It is difficult
but you've got "it" and will make sure that the best help available is what your family finds. DDD

 

[rejectedmom]

Awwwwwww Jamie, I am so sorry that you are so exhausted and feeling low. Take care of you while your son is in the hospital. I am sure with rest your "can do" attitude will return. -RM

 

[On_Call]

Thanks, all, for your support.

I visited difficult child last night - brought him some clothes, etc. We sat and played cards and visited for more than an hour. He is doing well, so far. He hates it there, though, and teared up when it was time for him to go back to the ward.

We have tried probably 20 medications over the course of the years and I can honestly say that the only one we saw anything really good was the zoloft, which we had to wean him off because when he was at full "saturation" point, the negative effects became evident. No other medication has seemed to make any positive impact. Most recently, he was on a fairly higher dose of lithium and seroquel and it did nothing to stop the episodes. Then, when his levels were in toxic range, we stopped the lithium - no difference.

I am still in a sort of a fog, but I did speak with difficult child's newest psychiatrist (whom I actually love) and she says this is our time to wean difficult child off the seroquel, see what his baseline is, and then decide on a next step. She is right that this is the best place to attempt anything this huge. The problem is, when difficult child is inpatient, he cannot have his outpatient doctors. I hate that. He will be assigned the dr. they have on call for the ward. Our psychiatrist will be very involved though, so that's encouraging. This psychiatrist faxed 50+ pages of notes, etc. to our insurance company the other day and changed their original denial of difficult child's precert, so she is definitely someone to have on our side. She is awesome and she is hopeful, so I guess I should be too.

I think I will get back to that - may take me a few days, though.

Thanks for the support and the words of wisdom. It is appreciated.

 

[Sunlight]

Jamie, it does seem like the same situation with everyone just getting older. I have been saying that myself with ant lately too.
do you have any choices? he needs help. sounds like he is where he needs to be.
you need a rest from it too. even if only for a short time.

he may never be 100% so how do you learn to cope over time?
you deal with each crisis as it comes and then you rest up big time when it is calm again.