NOLA
New Member
Our difficult child came home last week after nearly six months. It was wonderful to actually see him, know he was safe and to be able to hug him. He has an earring, a modified Mohawk and lost about 20 pounds. The next day husband and I had a long talk with him about how much we loved him, felt our prayers had been answered, etc., BUT he still must follow certain rules. We weren't going to insist on boarding school but basically, no drugs of any kind, must obtain a GED, get a job, all those things that our difficult children find boring and a total waste of time. He was the most honest I think hes ever been with us.
He told us he had been shoplifting for food & necessities, clothing from the mall and was even selling drugs (just to people he knows!) He admitted to trying just about everything, including heroin (but no needles). He said EVERYBODY tries heroin - After he started opening up, he tried for about a ½ hour to get us to agree to smoke some weed with him because it isnt like it was when we were young its sooooo much better just one hit is all you need. He knows if wed just try it with him we would be so much more understanding and non-judgmental. He wanted to let us have one of his friends just stop by & drop some off! He went on and on about how good it is for him; has zero negatives; helps him be his best (creative, thinks on a higher level, etc.) and had absolutely no bearing on his dropping out of school. He said he realized all of the other drugs werent worth doing (Id hope because of the risks involved) but he did say he absolutely loves ecstasy for instance, but hates the way he feels when it wears off, so he doesnt do it any longer. He and most of his friends think its ridiculous that weed it isnt legal and it most certainly will be within his lifetime.
After we got past the thanks but no thanks to the friend coming over & kept to the NO drugs will be allowed if he wants to live here with us, he said he understood and he would respect that rule (albeit a preposterous one) he really wanted to be home and start anew. He wants to get a GED and enroll in college he doesnt think college will be like HS and knows hell do fine.
He also told us one of his friends had died a week before (she was only 16, had snuck out of the house one night, did some heroin & coke, snuck back into her bedroom in the wee hours, and her parents found her dead in her bed. He was with her two days before this happened. I had heard about it from someone at work but had no idea difficult child was friends with her. This is the 3rd friend of his to die in the last year and a half. One was a suicide and two were overdoses. Im getting off topic but one of the many things that really scare me is the way in which he & his other difficult children seem to treat and think of these tragedies. They put up Rest in Peace . postings on their myspace accounts, talk about how terrible it was, and just go about their business as usual. Is it me? Do you all sense this in your difficult children?
This past week has been busy, he did have to spend the night in juvie after we called his PO, we went to court the next day, he was put on house-arrest for a few days, community service, drug screened & we were told to get him evaluated to determine if he needs in-patient treatment for drugs vs. out-patient counseling. He is still on probation till his 18th birthday. The evaluation isnt till next week. He got his old job back (busboy at a restaurant); got a state ID card so he could enroll in the Adult Ed Class; and has been fine although still smoking cigs. We will also start family therapy in a couple weeks.
I want so much for things to work out in every way imaginable and I dont want to give off any negative vibes but I wont let myself get too hopeful I wish I felt more optimistic and could enjoy his being back home more.
Thanks for listening to me whine - NOLA
He told us he had been shoplifting for food & necessities, clothing from the mall and was even selling drugs (just to people he knows!) He admitted to trying just about everything, including heroin (but no needles). He said EVERYBODY tries heroin - After he started opening up, he tried for about a ½ hour to get us to agree to smoke some weed with him because it isnt like it was when we were young its sooooo much better just one hit is all you need. He knows if wed just try it with him we would be so much more understanding and non-judgmental. He wanted to let us have one of his friends just stop by & drop some off! He went on and on about how good it is for him; has zero negatives; helps him be his best (creative, thinks on a higher level, etc.) and had absolutely no bearing on his dropping out of school. He said he realized all of the other drugs werent worth doing (Id hope because of the risks involved) but he did say he absolutely loves ecstasy for instance, but hates the way he feels when it wears off, so he doesnt do it any longer. He and most of his friends think its ridiculous that weed it isnt legal and it most certainly will be within his lifetime.
After we got past the thanks but no thanks to the friend coming over & kept to the NO drugs will be allowed if he wants to live here with us, he said he understood and he would respect that rule (albeit a preposterous one) he really wanted to be home and start anew. He wants to get a GED and enroll in college he doesnt think college will be like HS and knows hell do fine.
He also told us one of his friends had died a week before (she was only 16, had snuck out of the house one night, did some heroin & coke, snuck back into her bedroom in the wee hours, and her parents found her dead in her bed. He was with her two days before this happened. I had heard about it from someone at work but had no idea difficult child was friends with her. This is the 3rd friend of his to die in the last year and a half. One was a suicide and two were overdoses. Im getting off topic but one of the many things that really scare me is the way in which he & his other difficult children seem to treat and think of these tragedies. They put up Rest in Peace . postings on their myspace accounts, talk about how terrible it was, and just go about their business as usual. Is it me? Do you all sense this in your difficult children?
This past week has been busy, he did have to spend the night in juvie after we called his PO, we went to court the next day, he was put on house-arrest for a few days, community service, drug screened & we were told to get him evaluated to determine if he needs in-patient treatment for drugs vs. out-patient counseling. He is still on probation till his 18th birthday. The evaluation isnt till next week. He got his old job back (busboy at a restaurant); got a state ID card so he could enroll in the Adult Ed Class; and has been fine although still smoking cigs. We will also start family therapy in a couple weeks.
I want so much for things to work out in every way imaginable and I dont want to give off any negative vibes but I wont let myself get too hopeful I wish I felt more optimistic and could enjoy his being back home more.
Thanks for listening to me whine - NOLA