I did it (although it is not with happiness that I post this). I searched and reviewed so many threads here to put together my email response to daughter, who is demanding a flight back home from Asia. It took me 3 days to put together a solid email that we will not waver from - using many ideas and phrases from all of you (thank you). I set our limits - no more money, no more bail, no flight tickets, no more being the resource person for every crisis, no moving back home unless in treatment. Got the email response this morning. As expected, the gaslighting started and an excerpt of it reads (my comments are in red): "Love isn't abandonment. Love isn't neglect. Love isn't painful. Love ISN'T ABUSE. You're truly insane. And as many friends have said over the years - you need serious help if you think you've done any form of "parenting" that hasn't left me with severe damage that I'm now being forced to work through - not only in my relationships but in every area of my life (none of these "friends" are giving her money, food, accommodation, jobs, medical care. They buy her alcohol and drugs). You sit there and pretend to be the adult but you have abandoned me EVERY SINGLE TIME I have needed something (see next sentence). You send money, AFTER you belittle and complain (I tell her she needs to get a plan and that I am not her personal ATM) towards me. And THEN I don't hear from you for weeks, sometimes months. That's called neglect. Another form of abuse. I have seen therapy, thank you very much. And I am dealing with my issues. ...But your idea of love is manipulation and making me believe I'm not worth love. I don't want you in my life anymore. I will find a way out of this. But you disgust me. Goodbye. And good riddance." This is the usual response I receive (flavored with a lot of accusations and foul language which I haven't included here) when I start to stand my ground but this is also where I usually cave in and start having a dialogue with her to get her to see that we love her but not her behaviors, which leads to a tolerable stand-off where daughter gets what she wants and I feel temporarily comforted that she is safe and not raging. My question now is: Do I respond at all to her email? Part of me now wants to say to her that if she has "seen therapy and is dealing with her issues", then why has nothing changed? She still has no plan, no job, no money, has escalating violence that recently saw her arrested and in jail for 3 days in a foreign country. Coming home will not not change that.