Question about Custody Agreement??? PLEASE ANSWER

[BonnieJean]

<font color="purple">As a parent whose still very much in control of things, I am wondering something. Although I have in front of me, what's called a Form 2 Custody Agreement with Family Services, I am wondering something. Can I make adjustments, modifications or add/ons to it before I sign it?</font>

<font color="purple">There are a number of items that I am not comfortable with. Like I don't believe CFS is doing their part with most of this stuff, like for instance, (a) states: provide care for the child that will meet the child’s physical, emotional, religious, educational, social, cultural and recreational needs.</font>

<font color="purple">Firstly, none of these, with the exception of educational needs are being met. difficult child is constantly calling me telling me that he is alone and bored. At least, 4-5 times a week. I would like something written on paper to ensure that this stops and drastic measures are put in place so this does not continue.</font>
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<font color="purple">Also,(b)Keep the Parents informed of the child’s progress.</font>

<font color="purple">Secondly, I already know of his continued progress, difficult child calls DEX I several times a week due to the fact that he is left alone quite abit. This should be looked into, as we are not satisfied with the present condition. (refer to (a))
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<font color="purple">(c)Work with the Parents to plan for the return of the children to the Parents.</font>

<font color="purple">Thirdly, the only contact with DEX or I seems to be when we have to sign a new custody agreement or when we call in an emergency. Sometimes our calls are returned, but most times, our concerns go unanswered. This has to change.
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<font color="purple">(d) consider any wishes of the children or the Parents that you been expressed to the Minister with respect to any placement or planning the Minister proposes for the children.</font>

<font color="purple">This has not been done as I have been telling our case worker and her assistant, along with the Director of CFS that he is left alone too long. They don't understand anything of his disorders, even acknowledged them in any way. This HAS got to stop. Even difficult child talks about certain things being connected to his disorders.</font>

<font color="purple">(f) advise the Parents wherever possible before the Minister and a foster parent enter into a foster parent arrangement with respect to the child.</font>

<font color="purple">This goes back to (a), lack of communication on CFS part.</font>

<font color="purple">(b) of the Responsibility of the Parents states: visit the children on a regular basis at times, dates and places arranged with the Minister on the terms for visiting set out on this Agreement.</font>

<font color="purple">(d) Submit to a psychological assessment as well as a parent capacity assessment.</font>

<font color="purple">I have no problem with either of these with the exception of how can we book any time when they don't return phone calls etc??? And the assessment, is this normal? Do they always ask for something like this? I don't mind, h-e-c-k I've had more than this done for difficult child and won't mind doing so again.</font>

<font color="purple">Visitation is under Special Terms and says: Supervised Visits at the discretion of the Minister: Schedule to be developed. Place: AS AUTHORIZED. But how can we do this, there is no two-way communication.</font>

<font color="purple">So, here is my question for some of our veteran members with knowledge of foster care or custody agreements...can I make a list of wishes, so to speak, to add to my custody agreement, and would it be legal in court if that should happen, if both parties sign it?</font>

<font color="purple">BonnieJean</font>
:warrior:

 

[timer lady]

BJ,

I'm going to encourage you to find a "contact person". The one person who knows the plan & will answer your calls.

For us, it's our mental health case manager. If CM doesn't know or if a phone call isn't returned for whatever reason, CM gets to the bottom of it. On top of that CM is OUR advocate. Listens to husband & I about our concerns & represents us to those who are unwilling to deal with "just the parents".

I would, personally, be unwilling to sign any form with-o a face to face meeting with all the concerned parties in attendance.

Sorry, can't comment really on the itemized recommendations other than how much of your input was taken into account? How is the entire family, not just difficult child, affected by the plan that is proposed?

Something to chew on.... :warrior:

 

[kris]

<font color="blue">bonnie, people can only address this as it applies in the US. canada does many, many things differently. maybe you can PM addie as she is a canadian FP of long standing.

kris </font>

 

[Lothlorien]

What about consulting with a lawyer. The laws may be different here than in the US, so you may just want to consult with an attorney. I would STRONGLY suggest that you do. I would not sign anything like that without a consultation first.

 

[BonnieJean]

Thanks everyone, I have requested a meeting ASAP. Today, difficult child hiked back here the hour drive, immediately after I drove him there with NO ONE home. Ugh! Anyways, let's see what tomorrow brings, it has not been a good couple of days! I need to take a deeeeeeep breath....

BonnieJean

 

[kris]

<font color="purple">there sure does seem to be a lack of supervision in this home. have you considered just requesting he be placed elsewhere?

kris </font>

 

[BonnieJean]

kris, for some reason I suddenly feel paranoid about posting anything, but regardless...I have thought of this, but the problem lies with where else is there? Unfortunately, the only other placement would be with a sister of the SWer. Yeah it's only HER family that seems to be able to do this. It could be a long story, but in short,when difficult child was placed in her uncle's home I did complain to the provincial SW Association about her having a conflict of interest etc...but it went on deaf ears. So...I have to look at things differently, like do I want him out of the community? Yes, for his own safety. Plus there are other issues now, perhaps I will post them. I don't always post all of my stuff about him. Even though I know everyone would help me.

Anyways, the other problem I have with the other placement would be that lately there have been MAJOR rumours about this sister and how she cares for other kids, like for instance, her tying an ADHD kid to a leash on a runner outside her house because she is rumoured to have said he had too much energy to be inside so much! ~shrugs~ Not only that, but at the end of last year around this time (A relates it to the flu season and J said she's pretty sure it was earlier than last summer)this young teen girl was hospitalized due to an incident in her house and has not been returned. You would not believe the rampant rumours and anyone here that needs CFS feels stuck. So you can understand my dilemma abit more.

Anyways, maybe I will post more about difficult child later...

Take care and again Thanks!
BonnieJean

 

[n2mykidz]

I would get legal counseling on this ASAP and find out what my options are. They will be a ble to tell you what you can do and what you can't.

Hope you find a safe place for you child that gives them the help they need soon.

 

[witzend]

You can write "Signed as receipt only" on it and then sign it. This means that you have received it, read it, and do not agree with the contents of it. It also prevents them from saying that you refused to sign the document, or that you did not inform them that you had questions or concerns about it.

 

[BonnieJean]

Okay, firstly, I want to thank everyone who answered and even those who read but didn't reply. I know this is a hard question for to ask. Unfortunately, the police were called, SWers were called and NONE of them called me back. Even after calling SWers three times and calling their on-call emergency number. Regardless, difficult child hitched hike back home to FD. FD called me to tell me that he had arrived at around 4:45pm, after leaving the community around probably 3:15pm or so.

I am still unsure what to do about the next time he wants to hike here after being told no. FD was kind of rude to me yesterday. Saying he doesn't want me to call etc...so from now on, I will not call, will not accept phone calls even though last night he called his dad almost a half an hour after he arrived home. Our guess was that he was alone once again that quick! Go figure!

Anyways, next week there WILL be a meeting.

Again, THANKS so much for all your help and advise!
BonnieJean

 

[timer lady]

BJ, I'm glad there will be a meeting of the minds next week. I'd take a list of concerns & questions to be addressed then & there, as you can't seem to get in touch with anyone at any other time. :warrior:

 

[BonnieJean]

Thanks everyone, I gave my letter of complaint today to a council member who was having a council meeting. I don't know if I have said this before or not but I do live on a First Nations and almost all major decisions and complaints boils over to members of Council. Today I was told that some of the signing authority has been taken away from my social worker. I did not know this. There have been so many complaints lately that this doesn't surprise me. Anyways, my council member did take a copy of the letter for himself and other members. I will call him later...mind you, this prompted a call from the Director of CFS....I missed it but will call him as soon as I am able....

The only reason I was paranoid and thought of deleting the original post was because of legal reprecussions against me. But then I am thinking WTH...My sons well-being and welfare is at stake...

So, again thanks so much!
BonnieJean

 

[Stella Johnson]

I'm not familiar with US or Canadian laws on this type of thing. DO you have an atty that could look into it?

Steph

 

[BonnieJean]

Stella, unfortunately I cannot afford a lawyer for anything. And yes, the SWer probably knows this. Like I said there's nothing they probably don't know about me. Mind you, I heard yesterday from a council member that my SWer I am complaining about has been going to bars drinking with a certain female client, been caught at the border to the US with coke, but claimed it was her husbands and she knew NOTHING about it, {insert sarcastic smiley here} and alot of her signing authority has been taken away. Not to mention that it's a HUGE conflict of interest that all of the foster care parents SHE uses are family or friends. Like for instance where difficult child is, its her uncle. Her sister is also one. Who by the way, there is an alleged rumour going around that she put an ADHD child on a dog's leash/runner and made him burn his energy outside. IMAGINE!!!! Anyways...the response to the mother was that the mother was blowing this out of proportion. IMAGINE! Anyways...the other two FC parents are friends, one does her nails and sells her AVON™. So I dunno...right now, I feel awful that I placed my son in their care. I mean, I know at the time, I was desperate. I stupidly agreed to place him away. They said, at the time, it was a good thing. At the time, what it really was, it was easier for CFS to remove my son from the intense bullying situation rather than to deal with those boys and their parents who are still, to this day, in constant denial that their kids are doing anything wrong.

I dunno...I have major concerns still....

BonnieJean
:warrior:

 

[OTE]

You SHOULD have concerns. Certainly this whole nonsense is ridiculous. You can't allow your child to be in danger anywhere.

I did want to reply the other day about the bullying/ aggression against your son. Mine has been in this position. If the parents won't take it seriously the only thing I've found effective is to file charges against the kids with the police. Something like harrassment maybe. Then the parents take notice when their kid has to go to court about it.

 

[BonnieJean]

OTE,
And the concerns are real. I was talking to another lady yesterday at our local band office. Actually, I was standing there when this other lady comes in with an Avon™ order and sternly says to the receptionist, "Make sure she gets this, cuz she really wants it!" I was standing there thinking, my goodness if you don't trust the lady don't leave it? Anyways...this lady is one of the foster care mothers who my SWer has hired. The one I mentioned who does her nails. It was the first time I had seen her but I had recognized the child that was with her as someones from the community. So I asked the receptionists who she was and she told me. The little girl, who looks about 3 or 4 has a black eye. The receptionist asked about it, but got no answer besides can you please make sure SWer gets this again...

The bullying for me is very personal. It's more personal because this was a big reason DEX and easy child son are not living here. Remember easy child son started using violence against me and the girls...to vent his frustrations etc...and DEX didn't "get it"? Anyways...

Last night at the Policing meeting I told the officer I could write a book on this bullying and his response was "I know you could, I've read the files on it."

I have tried talking to both the parents. The one boy in particular who has since become the ring leader, his mother called me at work one day and pretty much blamed everything on the other boy. Who at the time, I thought was worse in behaviour than her son. NOT!

Well, now, this boy has a HUGE ignorant attitude and so does the mother. Like the day he almost hit difficult child with the four wheeler as he went by, she said I was lying, that it was BS and that he wouldn't do that, blah blah blah. Then later when difficult child had NO choice but to fight or get beat up badly the polices response about charges was that they could but it would have to be againsts all of them, including difficult child because it was a consentual street fight. I said it wasn't really consentual, difficult child had no choice. This was the same fight where difficult child got kicked by another boy and hit with a hockey stick when he was done on the ground. These parents DON'T GIVE A D-A-M-N I can tell you that much! Else they wouldn't be out there still doing it to other people, right? I mean, come on....a child can be placed in care until their 18, right? So, instead of taking difficult child out of his home, his community for just taking up for himself, why didn't they remove those boys from parents who were neglecting them, instead of taking difficult child from me? I know I was struggling but these boys were the main reason why difficult child was having such a hard time...ugh...just senseless.....

BonnieJean