Question about housing options for 19 year old difficult child

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by BKS, Dec 12, 2012.

  1. BKS

    BKS New Member

    Hi all,

    We asked our only child, 19 year old difficult child, to move out in early October because his behavior was no longer tolerable. He was doing drugs, drinking, lying, stealing from us, and ignored most/all rules we had placed on his living here. (The rules were negotiated so we just didn't spring them on him.)

    He found a place to stay at a house about 1/2 hour away in a college town because he is friends with a guy whose family owns the house. It is basically a drug haven (with even the adult father doing drugs) and our son who does drugs himself has told us he doesn't like it there. He feels trapped with no options. He has been let go from two jobs. We want him to see that he DOES have choices. That he could attend rehab, move into a half-way house, and get/keep a job.

    What options do young adults have in housing? He believes that 1/2 way houses are full of drugs because he had bought drugs from someone at a half-way house in our hometown. It seems that any room-mate situation would mostly likely be a group of people his age and, of course, partying is usually on the radar.

    Are there ANY options out there?

  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    To be honest, you can find drugs anywhere.

    Wouldn't he need a job to get his own apartment?
  3. Rehab and a halfway house are great options for him at this point. They will both be able to teach him some life skills and maybe help him find a job and his own place to live as well. And maybe give him that bipolar diagnosis and proper medication if necessary as well.

    Maybe if he thinks he has no other option then he will go to rehab and get a new start. If you help him into a different roommate situation with different partiers that might just prolong things.
  4. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hi BKS, since he is likely bipolar and ADHD, you might try doing some research into NAMI (National Alliance for Mental Illness) You can access them online and find a chapter in your area. Here in No. CA. there is an offshoot of NAMI called Buckelew, run by folks who've had to deal with how to get help for mentally ill folks within the system. They are amazing. They help get through the system and find housing, get on food stamps, find medical insurance, they educate, find schooling, do classes on smoking cessation, find therapists, groups, it's remarkable. If your son is on his own and has no money he will qualify for some kind of assistance, but someone has to do the research and dig around looking. NAMI may be able to point you in the right direction. They also provide groups for parents to attend for support. I have no information about substance abuse facilities, you might want to post your inquiry in SA here on the board, those folks are well versed in the ins and outs of substance abuse and where to go. (((HUGS)))) Good luck.
    Last edited: Dec 13, 2012
  5. BKS

    BKS New Member

    Thanks all. My difficult child would LOVE to have his own place but we live in a suburb of a large metro area and that is a tall order for even professionals. He will always need to be in some sort of roommate or group house situation. (He is very social so I think in a way he is better living with others anyway.) I guess what I am wondering is what will happen to him if he loses his current housing situation and we refuse to let him bunk here. I need to remember that some people don't have family and there are resources around. I just WISH he would realize that he has substance abuse issues and get help. I believe he will get help for the potential bi-polar issue. The doctor at the facility he stayed in briefly prescribed Theraquel (sq?) to help him sleep and he said it really helped him. He didn't keep up his doctors appointments to continue the refills and he says his current house is such that he couldn't sleep anyway. Just don't know why he keeps making decisions that work against him. I DON'T UNDERSTAND.