Hi all and I apologize for the jumbled writing. I'm at work right now but had to vent... Its been a long time since Ive logged in and alot hashappened. If you look back in my historyyoull know that I have a son (three actually, but one has gone astray) withsubstance abuse issues, depression, lack of motivation, etc...We threw him out for the last time over a yearago. He was leaving drugs andparaphenilia in plain view of his younger brother and sister, disobeying all ofour rules and wasnt able to keep any of the 10 or so jobs we helped him get! Anyhow, we put him on a plane to his fathers(a three day driving trip from where we live) in the hopes that he would starta new, drug free life. And he did, for awhile...and then the drama started again. He has a great full time job paying him over minimum wage, he was living*somewhat independently* with his dad, he bought a car, was playing in a menshockey league and seemed to be on a really good path for at least 8months. I should know better than to behopeful. Since that time (and a little before that I didnt knowabout) he quit his job, got kicked out of his dads for not following the houserules, joined up with a bunch of kids that are younger than him (and likelybeing influenced by him)smoking pot, drinking, etc... has had numerous raunchygirlfriends, lost his car (got a DUI) and is likely going to jail for a fewweeks in December because he never paid his fine. Hes mooching again off of friends (livingwith them, not working, not paying). Idont know how he always seems to find someone to take care of him. I just pray they dont bail him out inDecember. Hes terrified to go to jail,14 days might shake some sense into him, but I wouldnt bet the bank on it. Now that he doesnt live with me, or even in the same city,I do notice that my stress level has decreased immensely. My younger children are happy, not living inthe chaos and things with my husband are pretty good. I do have a few issues though and Im hopingsome of you can give me your thoughts: 1. When I do talk to my son via facebook or phone I still hear that little boyin his voice and I know that he used to be such a kind, loving kid. It breaks my heart and I cant help but blamemyself for how he turned out. I dontmean that I completely blame myself, but I feel a shared responsibility. I know he makes his own choices as hes anadult, but I feel that I could have done things differently when he was growingup. How do I get past that? 2. I feel like I have abandoned him. I cant believe that I allow him to struggleand sometimes be homeless when I will donate my time and money to our homelessshelters in my city. I feel like such a hypocriteand failure. 3. I thought I was strong, but I know if I get a call thatsomething terrible has happened to my son I dont think I would ever be able tolive with myself. I know I cannot enablehim, and I dont want to. But what can Ido? Thanks so much everyone and Im so sad that there are somany of us going through this.