Welcome summer,
Glad we are here for you, and that you found us, but so sorry that you need us. Often we are a place parents find when feeling absolutely desperate.
Please excuse any typos, I have some hand/neuro problems right now.
It certainly sounds like you have a challenging child. We refer to the child who brought us to the board as difficult child or "gift from God". Personally, for me this is a reminder that no matter what the hardships, each child is truly a gift from God. Other parents look at it differently, but that is up to the individual.
As far as school, you need to write a letter asking the school to do an evaluation of your child and send it certified mail. There are sample forms in the Special Education archives that will make this easier. The letter must be sent certified because this puts a timeline in place. After the request, the school has a certain amount of time to get the evaluation done.
I am not sure what kind of doctor you are taking your son to. Many of our children require a number of different docs. therapist is a psychologist or therapist, NOT a doctor with an MD. They do therapy, and many kinds of therapy are available. psychiatrist is a psychiatrist, doctor with an MD who treats mental illness.pediatrician is pediatrician, or your child's regular doctor. Neuro is neurologist, or brain doctor. Developmental pediatrician is a doctor with additional years of schooling to help children who develop differently. I know our devel pediatrician was one of my favorite (and htemost helpful) of the docs we saw.
Our kids are not easy to diagnose. It is pretty common to have a hard time finding what the correct diagnosis is. ADHD/ADD is pretty common for a first step. Be very much aware that a wide variety of mental illnesses and developmental disorders are often diagnosis (diagnosed) as ADHD.
ODD is more of a set of behaviors that is a SYMPTOM of other problems. Usually it does not stand by itself, esp in one so young. It can be very hard to treat, esp if you are trying to treat these behaviors with-o finding out the underlying cause.
Most kids do not want to behave badly. The nature of the beast is to please, but our kids ahve things that get in the way. Proper treatment can make a huge difference.
As for help in the immediate, first be aware that your son may need parenting methods that are NOT typical, or what we were raised with. Spanking, esp, seems to universally not work. For my son I could have beat him bloody on a daily basis and it would have changed NOTHING, unless it made things worse.
I have a few books to suggest, please at least look at them in the library or bookstore. The Explosive Child, by Ross Greene is a new way to approach parenting, tailored to our kids. It helps us "pick our battles" so to speak. Love and Logic Parenting for Early Childhood is a fave of mine, more indepth look at it can be had at
http://www.loveandlogic.com . This is close to my heart because my husband thought it made sense, and getting him on board was a real turning point. The Bipolar Child, by Dmitri Papalous is a bible for many parents. (more on this below). The Out of Sync Child and The Out of Sync Child has Fun by Kranowitz are good for exploring sensory integration problems (very common in some of our kids).
I know bipolar seems scary, and it is. But the proper treatment of WHATEVER you are dealing with will help make life better for all of you, so exploring this may be helpful. Children don't show bipolar the way adults do, and this book is very detailed and helpful.
Are you trying medications at all? (no right answer, just wondering), who has made the diagnosis of ADHD, and what all are you trying?
If you can, go to the My Stuff button on the top and go to profile, and make a profile for us. It helps us keep things straight, and that way we can make more useful suggestions and ask more intelligent questions. Also, go to the general archives to learn about abbreviations, docs, etc... It would be a big help to you if you go to the archived thread about Parent Report. This is a document you take to all doctor appts, and it can help you make sure that you give the doctor all the info needed.
I hope that you come back to see us soon!
Susie