Reminded Me of All of Us :)

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by HeadlightsMom, Mar 21, 2016.

  1. HeadlightsMom

    HeadlightsMom Well-Known Member

    Hello everyone!

    Saw this and thought of all of us who have gone through so much with our kids. Our love remains, even amid our frustration and frazzled-ness (yep, I think that should be a word!). We parents get lost in the shuffle so much -- with everyone focusing on our kids who are, often, burning every bridge in their lives (and sometimes in our lives, too). And if they're not burning down the bridge, they're burning down the house so that everything in our connected lives seems to be "on fire".

    Well, I have no spectacular news to report from here. Still haven't seen or spoken with our son since last Sept (when he relapsed). Don't know where he is. Assume he's in town, but not sure. We have now gone right through Thanksgiving, Christmas and his 26th birthday (last week) with no real contact. We do swap private FB messages now and then and tell each other we love each other. But that's it. No other details. We know from experience that when there's something good to tell, he tells he promptly, proudly and publicly. Silence means drugs and crime.

    We know this drill. So do you all.

    But, we grow stronger in reminding ourselves that just as he has the power to choose his options, we have the power to choose our options.

    So, we choose to continue our joy in other areas of life! Retirement (my husband just retired last week!), family and friends (who are present and wonderful!), grandkids (THE BEST!!), and decided to pamper ourselves with a nice extendo retirement road trip (3 weeks on the road covering most all of the Western USA states). Woooo hoooo!

    Yes, we wish things were different with our son at this time. But they're not. However, we know he is alive somewhere and we know that we all love each other (just exchanged loving messages this morning, matter of fact).

    Right now, knowing these things is the best option we have -- so we choose it. I sure do love that son of mine and I miss him terribly at times. But this is where I truly learn to trust God to watch over our son for now. It's my best option for health, happiness and sanity (she said, having tried a bazillion other things with mostly no success). I can't change him. But I CAN change me. And do so with love...........not anger at him or self-blame for me (believe me, I've done plenty of that in the past). Why? Because I want to learn to be the most loving being I can be -- toward everyone, not just our son. I'm not there yet. But I'm closer than I was yesterday and the day before that and the day before that! All of our lives are a work in progress!

    We are not shattered. We are all a beautiful mosaic of strength! Let's remind ourselves of that often and never forget it! This choice is ours! :)

    And now.............Mama's got a fun road trip to hit, baaaaabyyyyy!

    Take care, everyone!

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  2. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    Great post HLM!! Thank you so much for sharing.

    I love the image of this, a beautiful mosaic of strength. Very powerful.

    Congrats on your husbands retirement. Prayers for safe travel as you embark on your road trip.
  3. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    ooooooweee three weeks on the road! Have fun HLM.


    Thank you for your beautiful post.

    Have a fabulous trip.
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  4. HeadlightsMom

    HeadlightsMom Well-Known Member

    Tanya & New Leaf --- Thank you both for your kind words. However, I was just reminded that I'm not immune to tears. A friend just said nice things to me about our parenting -- knowing how hard it's been. Well, that sort of snuck up on me. And...........tears sort of snuck up on me, too.

    Even when there's love, happiness in other areas, and peaceful periods..........tears can still sneak up on me.

    Best to acknowledge and feel them tonight -- then move on to what's next..........road trip!

    Thanks, again, for your kind words. :)

    PS -- "Leafy".........LOVE that mosaic you posted!
  5. Kalahou

    Kalahou Active Member

    Thank you very much, Headlights mom. It meant a lot to me be reminded of all these truths.
    Take care and enjoy.
    It is a new day ~ Ka la hou
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  6. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    That mosaic is just beautiful, leafy.
  7. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    I thought so too, KT, she is us. We are all beautiful. :angel:
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  8. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    Good to "see" you. I miss reading your strong posts. You are one of my hero warrior moms.
  9. Albatross

    Albatross Well-Known Member

    Beautiful post, beautiful mosaic. Next step, beautiful scenery!

    I think a good cry is a wonderful thing. What is that saying, something about heavy hearts, like heavy clouds, being lighter after dropping a little water.

    Thank you for always setting such a perfect example of loving detachment, HLM. Happy trails!
  10. so ready to live

    so ready to live Active Member

    We hope someday to get to this point in our relationship with our son. Way down the road, I suppose. Right now he hears "I love you" as maybe they're softening. We can still say it if we're prepared for him looking for a chink in armour.
    that being said--have a peaceful, restful trip.
    thank you for helping me remember this one.
    I came to the conclusion that my main problem was that I had profound sadness at the way my son was living his life and that God does too, but that God also must have profound sadness at the way we were living ours. 60 yrs old and still not enjoying the life given? So, we choose it. Today, your choice is a wonderful retirement vacation-God must be celebrating how you're honoring the life He has given. Prayers.
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  11. HeadlightsMom

    HeadlightsMom Well-Known Member

    Everyone -- I enjoyed reading all of your comments. And, yes...........Isn't "Leafy's" mosaic phenomenal? Love it!

    Pasajes4 -- Thank you. You touch my heart this morning. I have noted your "strong voice" in posts and thoroughly appreciate it!

    Albatross -- Yep. Cried last night, awaken more refreshed this morning. Tears are cleansing -- no matter what the catalyst.

    so ready to live -- I totally understand your first comment about "messages". It took us years (and years) to get to that point. It's just been the last 2 years or so that we've been there. A life-threatening event happened with our son and when we eventually talked about it (and made sure we were both in a good frame of mind to be receptive to hearing each other), we made a pact. Our pact was that if things get bad between us (which they have - often), we would just choose another day (soon - usually within days). to try contact again.

    As he's now had 2 distinct brushes with death, he became more receptive to that -- and so did we. And, perhaps surprisingly, we have both kept our pact to this day. I don't ask, he doesn't tell. Besides, he knows I don't really have to ask........we pretty much know what he's up to (generalities) and he knows that.

    Yes, at times he has lied to us. And at times we've bought into his lies. But we've called him on it when we know. It's a funny thing about least in our scenario, if we don't scream, neither does he. I'm pretty expressive, so I really had to learn to take it down a notch. Our relationship got better when I took my tone down. HIS behaviors are HIS responsibility. MY behaviors are MY responsibility.

    so ready to live --- I read and re-read your words. First, I just noted you're newer to this group. Welcome! Second, I sure love all of what you wrote. All of it. I also just noted your son is adopted. So is our son (similar issues). So am I (no similar issues). Adoption is a gift! Even when it's crazy, it's a gift. Your words and heart sound strong and vibrant. I'm thinking, hoping, betting that some day your son will hit graduate to that next level in messages the way you want. It can happen!

    Signing off now and catch you all on the flip side of our road trip! Take care, everyone! :)
  12. so ready to live

    so ready to live Active Member

    Thank you from my "mothers heart" for hope. We adopted him at age 6 but he had been in our home as a foster child since 7 days old. We love him so very much. Prayers.