Saw my old therapist

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by witzend, Feb 5, 2012.

  1. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    First I want to say that husband's last job interview seemed to go well. This is the one in Charlotte. We have not heard back yet, though...

    I saw Dr. K, my old therapist on Thursday. She was of course very patient with me and listened to my "recap" of my relationship with L and L's dad and Dr. C. She assured me that no one in the psychiatric community takes Dr. C seriously, they all think she is a fraud. She's had multiple complaints to the board, but since she hasn't broken their very narrow rules of malpractice, she's never been disciplined.

    I want to make an aside here. Dr. C. has a beautiful web page. She's an MD who did a regular residency in Pediatrics and one in Psychiatry just like every other doctor in the USA. She has no further education and no specialty on her license. She advertises herself as a "Pediatric Behavioralist". This is not a recognized field. She's been riding the gravy train from testifying as an "expert witness" at that first trial of ours when she had barely graduated medication school and never once looked back. She and L's dad have made quite the killing off of that. But, I digress...

    When I told Dr. K about my lunch with L, and how I felt about it and that we were just ready to move on, she told me that she understood the way I felt, and advised me to consider how much weight and power I give to L and her dad over me. She agreed that L's dad's recent statements that when he was younger he did things that were terrible to me and now he's a better man are bull-pucky. I believe Dr. K called it a "lie", to be exact. She said he's still doing the same thing, so why bother saying he regrets past behavior? Because it makes him feel better about himself. What else would you expect from a diagnosed NPD? If he were actually sorry, he would have told L that he wouldn't finance her wedding unless she included me appropriately and didn't make me feel like a piece of dirt. He's still the same old, same old.

    Dr . K told me that if she had been sitting across the table from L when we had lunch, and L had said such awful things to her, she would have wanted to slap L in the face, and she would have been hard pressed to stop herself. She would most certainly have not been as kind as I was. She would not have walked away without putting L in her proper place, to be sure. I'm sure she would have been able to do it without cursing and name-calling, but that's the beauty of being a psychiatrist. You can really know what to say to take someone down without sounding like a monster. Unfortunately - or fortunately - all I have is the ability to walk away with my head held high. I'll be darned if I'm going to say anything to L that could ever be used against me. NEVER. In any case, she advised me to not throw the baby out with the bath-water if everything here is good other than our situation with our crazy families. It deserves some serious thought.

    So, here we sit. husband's resumé's are out there. I'm not nearly as angry as I was, but you can be sure I will not ever forget that I was "not really ever much of a mother" to L. If a job offer comes from far away, it's meant to be. If nothing comes for a few more weeks, we re-evaluate. Maybe talk to the recruiters and companies that didn't take the opportunity to hire husband this time but might next time. But I have nothing to be ashamed of.

    That being said, we wouldn't sneeze at a 70% pay bump. It's hard knowing that there are people around the country who will pay so much more than he is earning here. Then again, he gets 7 weeks of PTO here. Not that he ever takes that much, but still. It would be very difficult to go back to one or two weeks vacation a year.

    Thanks, all, for helping me to stay strong. And cross your fingers for NC to happen! I told husband he could have a new car if we moved. ;)

    PS - I almost forgot - after two weeks of antibiotic induced diarrhea, I've begun to at least be able to go out of the house without fear the past couple of days. You can imagine my great joy that tomorrow I begin my laxative prep for my Colonoscopy. If anyone tries to tell you I'm full of it, you know darned well that's not true! Also, husband and I went to see "The Artist" today. It's such a sweet movie. If you get the chance, go see it. You'll love it!
  2. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Well I for one, am still crossing my fingers for NC. I want to meet you in the worst way. I have already told Tony that you may be coming and he is excited If you come, we plan to hopefully do both a Panthers game and then go take you guys to see Charlotte Motor Speedway. I realize NASCAR may not be your favorite thing but they do disabled folks so well, so we can have a marvelous time together. They take you on a cart from your car to the stadium and back again.

    Am I too southern for you? LOL
  3. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    What an awesome doctor you have!! I really like her take on things. I am glad she has been there for you before and is there now also. in my opinion you are one of the strongest women I know. I don't know that I could have endured what you did with-o doing some things that would NOT be good for anyone. Too much Addams Family in the way I was raised I guess.

    I have always wondered what a pediatrician Behavioralist was, and never did meet anyone who could tell me. We have been sent to a couple at times, and mostly they seemed to either want us to beat the living daylights out of Wiz if he showed any spirit, and the life out of him if he showed defiance, or they wanted us to reward him for breathing. Not my cup of tea. NOW I know they are just expert witnesses. Cool.

    I hope that husband gets the job if it something he will LOVE to do and that you both end up loving where you live.
  4. Nomad

    Nomad Guest

    So glad you went to the therapist.
    Sounds like you got good support.
    Good thoughts for you and your husband.
    Glad also that you went to the movies and thank you for the recommendation.
    Good luck with your "procedure"....
  5. buddy

    buddy New Member

    First, my cousin says the same about The Artist, he really liked it, smile!

    Next, I am thrilled you got to see a trusted adviser. Good to take the more relaxed, what happens happens and we are open to it route. L did and is missing out and that is her loss. Dr K has a special place in the dark world after her life here may she rot there with ex H. Just awful.
  6. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I'm so happy that you were able to share with someone you truly trust. She sure sounds like her head is screwed on straight, lol. Will you be having one more session or did that one visit bring you the peace of mind that you needed? Your future can be happy and bright no matter where you live so I'm hoping that just the "right" choice comes soon. Hugs DDD
  7. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I think I really like your therapist. She's got a good head on her shoulders. :)

    Still praying and keeping body parts crossed for NC.

    And sorry you have to go through the prep test right after getting over the antibiotic induced diarrhea. At least you stand no chance of having to repeat it due to not having been cleaned out enough. :sorrysmiley:
  8. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I'm still hoping for Charlotte, too. I feel like we're at an age where it's now or never to get out of this rainy dark corner of the world, if nothing else. NASCAR? Maybe. I guess you never know until you try. ;)

    I guess they're just about anything they want to be. What they aren't is trained in any specialty. Nor do they know anything that would give them medical knowledge that they could testify accurately about. Dr. C calls every patient's ex a Borderline Personality Disorder. It seems to easily fit most of the symptoms of someone getting the shaft in a divorce, so why not use it? I suppose that most of us on the PE board are too old for that type of doctor anymore, but please, if you read the "General" or whatever and you see "Pediatric Behavioralist", tell them it stands for "Quack".
  9. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    She did offer me one more session, and a referral if I needed more. I don't feel like I need to see her right now, and will probably send her a card letting her know that I am taking her advice to heart, and have not really made a decision yet, but her point is well taken. I do miss being able to talk to her. She's a real gem.
  10. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Sounds like a good idea to save the possible second session "just in case" something new pops up. We just love our psychiatrist and almost rue the fact that we don't really need him anymore, lol. Hugs DDD
  11. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    its, I am so glad you saw your therapist and got the validation you deserve. As I said on your other thread. I wish the best possible outcome for you and your husband in his job quest.