Saying No and Standing Up for Myself

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Memedixie, Dec 29, 2016.

  1. Memedixie

    Memedixie Member

    I have been away for awhile but I'm back. A lot has happened. My difficult grown son got out of jail, got a job and I, again, let him live in my house. Things went pretty well for awhile but that's always been the history, for awhile.
    He is a master manipulator. I also decided to allow his girlfriend to stay here while they saved enough money to get their own place. I am not going into all the drama that resulted from that decision. She has turned out to be a dangerous violent alcoholic that attacked me during the Christmas holidays because of course I was in the middle of a scary domestic dispute between them.
    Tonight he is outside in the cold because I will not allow him back in my house. He is with her and they are trying to apologize for what happened. I have a big bruise on my chest and she also threatened me with a knife. I swear if it was a gun, I might not be here to tell this.
    Oh, I got a restraining order at the Courthouse today......went to my first Coda meeting last night. Another year of that kind of hell? I have always given into him but with the help of God and my good friends, I am mapping out a new life for myself. Standing up for me! They are lurking outside hoping I will give in but I am standing my ground. It is freezing out there and I wish things were different but there not.
    RN0441, I know you understand where I'm at and I honestly feel better taking back my life. This is the first step and it feels pretty good.
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  2. Memedixie

    Memedixie Member

    i hope he doesn't try to break in my one left out there for him to turn to. he's burned his bridges.
  3. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I went that route with my daughter too Memedixie and I landed in a similar place of resolve after a few really crummy episodes. Many of us go through quite a number of times where our adult difficult kids live with us and many of us reach that end point you are speaking of. Like you, when I reached that point, I began to feel better about myself.

    If you have a restraining order and they start any shenanigans, call the police. Or just tell them you'll call the police if they get any closer, if they scare you or in any way approach you. They are going to do whatever it takes to make you change your mind, so be prepared.

    Hang tough Memedixie, great job. Now go live your life!
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  4. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    Meme, how scary for you! I'm glad you are okay and that you got them out of your home. It's so hard when we try to be there for our difficult children, to offer them help and hope only to have them betray us once again.

    I'm so sorry you had to go through this. Please be prepared to call the police if you need to. The thought of them lurking around outside is scary.

    Good for you that you are taking your life back. Be good to yourself and stay safe. It's a New Year, time for a new you!!

  5. Memedixie

    Memedixie Member

    Thank you that name. We all share that hurt and pain that our difficult children bring us. At some point, we have to find the strength to take our life back.
  6. Memedixie

    Memedixie Member

    Happy New Year to you too Tanya M. It's great knowing I have you in my corner.
  7. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    If they are on your property and you feel they may try to break in, call the cops NOW! Do NOT wait for them to try something. They may have to have the cops give them a copy of the restraining order and tell them to leave, or they may be told to leave, that you have the order and this is a warning (if you have not had it for 24 hours). Or they could be arrested. Either way, NOT YOUR PROBLEM. After attacking you, and being violent in your home, what did they expect????

    I am so sorry you went through this! I am glad you went to Coda, and got a RO, and that you are getting your life back. He may be a manipulator, but you are TOTALLY equipped to see through all of his nonsense and manipulations.

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  8. Memedixie

    Memedixie Member

    thank you susiestar, i am going to do what it takes to keep me and my 90 year old mother safe.
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