She ran but it wasn't just any run!

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by exhausted, Apr 3, 2011.

  1. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    So as I posted earlier my daughter who is in a foster home and getting intensive day-treatment (DBT) ran last week from the home. We have been worried about the placement from the start. We were told by DCFS that they would put her in a therapeutic home. As things went along, I realized there was no way this was a therpeutic home. This single parent, older lady, didn't get home from work until over an hour after my daughter got home from treatment center and would go out with her boyfriend and leave our daughter alone with another foster daughter. We had 100% supervision at our home and have never left her alone since even before her residential stay because we knew she would use marijuana or run off. We could not even keep her from running as she would leave school.

    So when she returned they drug tested her and she came up positive for coccaine. TO our knowledge, and all the drug testing we have done for the past 2 years, she has never come up with anything but pot. She has a story of course but either way she put herself in a very dangerous situation with older people. She told us she passed out-she could have been raped yet again!! I am so scared.

    I have been putting major pressure on case worker and everyone else to get her in a secure setting. That is what we believed she needed when we started this thing. But as you know, the state holds onto it's funds and cries "least restrictive environment"!

    Now I learn she did not violate any court orders because the only orders were to place her in temporary state custody and finish service hours! We had to transfer judges and her old PO is not even her PO. In fact, she doesn't have one! They said there was nothing chargeable. Her therapist is livid and wrote a letter to the new judge (toughest in the state-yah!), our family therapist as well as myself have all written letters. I finially got the DCFS worker to fight for her safety. It looks like she will be moved to a new home with better supervision Monday(she's with us on weekend).Trust me supervision is only one issue in the home.

    So we finially access what we believe to be the finest services for her, DBT treatment, and we end up with this dangerous home (foster mother drinks as well). They promise she is on the waiting list for residential-however,she may not be placed at the DBT residential if another opening comes up somewhere else quicker. OMG,DBT is why we did what we did.

    How can I get this worker to understand mental illness and substance abuse? I've given her every report and brought our family therapist to team meetings and stil... I really think my difficult child has an addiction to sexually acting out as well. I spent all week calling people, and following up. difficult child has no regard for her own safety. Whose hands will her blood be on? The only committment we got from difficult child was that she would not run until her court date on April 11th. And why wouldn't she? There are no consequences for her behavior? Frustrated and scared to death.
  2. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    I don't have any words of wisdom here... But I do have LOTS of gentle hugs for you.
  3. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    ((((hugs)))) I hate the whole -- you have to take the first open bed, even if it isn't in the most appropriate placement. We have a psychiatric hospital near us that CPS will not allow a ward to go but if MY child is determined to need a psychiatric hospital and they have the next open bed, I will have no choice but to watch them take him there. (Thankfully, the county workers that make that call do their best to call every other psychiatric hospital for an opening before resorting to them as they don't want to send anyone there either.)
  4. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    She did it. She ran last night yet again as soon as she realized they had not done the work to move her to a new home. They got residential approved yesterday after much pressure but we didn't tell her because that will take until the end of May! (Waiting list) Now shes on the run again. She just texted me and told me she was ok, but of course she is not ok. Wont tell me where she is. Said she wont be there for court Monday. Says she isnt safe anywhere but home and that she feels like a"monster". She can't control her desire to be with males. Can't reason with her or calm her at all. That oppositional thing is so strong. Strong enough to keep her fighting even the help that is offered. I'm glad she is alive-but for how long? Can't even explain how I feel. Did we do the right thing? Will it ever end? When will I sleep a good sleep again? How long can a person keep this up?
  5. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    She called me to get her at 9:00 pm last night. We brought her home, let her sleep, made her go to the daytreatment center today for school. The cops came and got her from there with the pick-up order that was filed but not signed until this morning. She's in DT, but will be out in a couple days. This will go on until the residential place has a bed the end of May. They are moving her to another foster home-again not therapeutic (waiting list for those). I just want her to be safe.In my next life I am going to be involved in some way as an advocate for changing this system for our kids.
  6. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    Today in court the rug and I believe the world was pulled out from under my daughter. The judge took her out of DCFS custody and placed her in the Juvenile Justice System. She was on the waiting list for residential at the DBT school she attends. Because she insists on running (says she can't control it) she is not safe-esp. where she goes. However, now the best therapy (DBT) is not an option. She did it-killed her chances to heal. Dont know what will happen, we will get a new PO this week and go to court in another week so a decision will have to be made. I dont even know what options are available through this system in our state. I will once again have to educate all new people about her past and dxs and yadda,yadda...I hope I have someone who listens. It took awhile and an "almost flip-out" to get DCFS to hear us. When we visited DT tonight, I saw a new look in her eyes-she told us she has given up. I'm worried we have done the wrong thing seeking state help..... but what else could we do? We spent all we had on the Residential Treatment Facility (RTF) and she came out worse and endangers herself. My husband thinks we have lost her forever. I have never seen him cry so hard. My heart is aching for my daughter and my husband. I saw this coming though. This the toughest judge-he has a reputation for helping kids, but today felt rushed and as if he had not read about her past. I have never felt so helpless as a mother. What to do????
  7. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    So she is in JJC now?

    Is she on any medications?
  8. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    Yes in JJC- she takes depression medications and sleep medications as with the PTSD she has sleep troubles. She judt started the new depression medications about 2 weeks ago. She hates taking SSRIs as she sweats so bad from them. We do notice a leveling out of mood however. She also take thyroid medication and birth control.
  9. KFld

    KFld New Member

    Sorry to hear how all of this has turned out. You can't kick yourself for your choices. You did what you did because you thought it was the best thing at the time. We obviously don't always have the best answers when it comes to what we should and shouldn't do for our difficult child's, but we follow our hearts and instincts at the time and sometimes it works out and sometimes it doesn't. She is the one who ran from the help she could have gotten, not you!

    I know that doesn't make it any easier. ((((((((hugs)))))))))