I missed the last two scheduled appts with our marriage therapist due to my work schedule. However, I did speak with her on the phone. On one of those missed appts, H cancelled too and on the other, he went without me. He wouldn't share with me anything from the meeting, but that was okay and I didn't push. I was so grateful that he went without me. In fact, I wish he would go every other time without me. So, I was finally able to get another appointment and it is this evening. It's been about a month since I went and about 3 since H went. In the interim, H has said many times, in various ways, "Don't you think we've gone enough? Don't you think we're sort of beating a dead horse now? Haven't we gotten it all out and can get over 'it' now?" or he will ask me, "Do you click with her?" and more...I remind him that we don't necessarily have to 'click' with our therapist - just do the work required. It's a bonus if we do click (I happen to click with her, though I do sometimes wonder if she's been helpful in any other way besides being a good listener and validating my feelings). So, essentially, he feels that enough time has passed since his, er, "transgression", and that when we go to therapy we're either just venting or rehashing (he is). He seems to be missing the point, no matter how many times I or the therapist remind him that we're supposed to be working on his (and me to an extent) preventing the mid-winter blues by finding and creating ways for him to cope with the day to day depressing situations in his life during the winter months so he doesn't go off the deep end. Every time I try and steer the session back to those issues, he somehow brings it all back to work and how frustrating it is for him. I get it - but then do something to change it!!! He flat out refuses to take any medications whatsoever for his depression, which he ackowledges. He also acknowledges that he needs to find new and interesting coping skills. However, when we go to a session, all he does is talk about how frustrating his work is and how no matter what, he simply doesn't have the means to tell people "no", he then becomes overwhelmed, and can't find the time to nurture himself in a healthy fashion. It's the other people's fault, it's the weather, it's the scheduling demands of his clients and subbies, etc. Us scheduling play dates gets old. And I get tired of always having to be the distraction...that the small amount of down time he allows is spent with me. I have friends that I meet for coffee and talk with and I hang with my daughters too (which he resents, but doesn't say it in that way - it's just obvious). Those are ways in which I can relieve some of my daily tension. He has no friends except the men he occasionally works with (and those situations usually end badly) and while he used to bike ride and play tennis, he won't make the time for either anymore. So he reads, watches tv, eats and falls asleep outside of work, unless I make him do something or schedule something. Then he gets mad at me for scheduling things, even though once he's there, he's having fun. I am just dreading going into the winter with this added burden of worrying and having to keep him occupied. Anyway, should I just go with it and let him come with me or should I just go without? He will come with me, he said he would. But when we go, like I said, all he does is complain about work and we never seem to touch on US or how he can change his behavior to get better results and learn how to cope better with his depression. I almost feel like the effort has become a futile one.