Siblings ?? or someone is "spreading the news"...Rats!

[DDD]

I'm sure this seems weird to post about today but the family usually understands and I can't very well vent on the family. I am getting emails from neices and nephews and people I barely remember. They are sending prayers and best wishes. Rats! I am old enough to know that human nature sometimes makes people share news but darn it.

Thursday I have authorized a Board thread of support. I'll be in the hospital and knowing I will have sincere warm thoughts and some prayers from the CD family is nice. But hearing from family that I haven't seen in years. It's giving me the creeps, lol. I guess the plug on my privacy has been pulled but I felt alot more peaceful just coping in the way that suits me. Whine! Whine! Sorry 'bout that. DDD

 

[Star*]

HEY DON'T LOOK AT ME - I'm ON SCHEDULE FOR TOMORROW NIGHT! DRATTED FAMILY!

 

[buddy]

DDD--I totally understand what you are saying. My cousin used to say (when going through treatment for cervical cancer) that when people showed up who had not seen her it really creeped her out. she especially hated when they wanted a picture, when they had never had a picture with her ever in the past! She said it felt like they were on the death watch. She was gracious to them in person of course but vented to those of us who were part of her daily life after. I'm sorry that this awkward piece has moved into your experience, I am sure many really do care and it is just hard to know what to do, but in my closer family, we call each other to check first. Like my mom is having surgery in a little while. She would rather we wait till it is over then go ahead and send out a text/email about it. Just makes her nervous to have people contacting her before it (not serious, a hernia thing but still...).

The whole experience is kind of a huge loss of a certain amount of control and this part of it just adds to that. How ever you feel about it all is legit., there are just no rule books on these things. Any way you can let your kids know that you'd prefer a little more privacy? Maybe one of them could take over all communication in and out? I gather your style would not be to have a caringbridge type of page (some say it helps reduce the number of responses people have to make, and you can deal with it when you are up to it while others manage the page....but with you preferring privacy it might not feel comfortable)...just throwing the thought out there....

Thanks for letting us know how you feel, I think that is really important. You are in my thoughts as all of this board family is. Keep venting away, must feel very strange.

 

[TeDo]

I hear ya DDD. It would creep me out too. If they're anything like my extended family, they have the best of intentions but yeah, why is it times like these are the ONLY times people come-a-callin'? It's creepy but it's still sad that it takes something like this for them to remember you even exist.

I'm sending a LOT of juju your way on Thursday! Take care and let us know how you're doing. In case you didn't know, we REALLY do care, seriously, we do!! {{{{HUGS}}}}

 

[rejectedmom]

I am sorry that your wishes were not followed. I do understand your need for privacy. I am sure they mean well... sigh.

I will be praying for you on Thursday. Both my parents had this operation. They both did well afterwards. -RM

 

[FlowerGarden]

Just recently, we came home to find messages left on our answering machine, for a woman with the same last name as ours. They were relatives of this woman. They were all saying "so sorry to hear what you are going through". We kept getting calls like this for 2 weeks. I felt like saying to these people, you must really be so close to "so and so" that you don't even know her phone number. My husband's family has had this phone number since the 1950's! I don't know the woman they were calling but I felt sorry for her having relatives that obviously didn't care about her before whatever trauma in her life happened.

 

[susiestar]

I am sorry that your family could not respect your wishes. in my opinion this is the ultimate selfishness of them. I would probably let them know how unhappy and violated you feel about this. I would also ask those relatives who call and/or come by out of nowhere when they haven't even acknowledged your existence for many years exactly WHY they called and what made them think that you would WANT them to call or to know anything about your life?? It may be a rude question in some people's minds, but your health is none of their business and you have zero obligation to be polite when THEY are being rude. ESPECIALLY if they ask questions about your health and your choices.

For those who call on the phone, introduce yourself as Griselda the Estate Manager and ask specifically what they want, who they are, and demand paperwork to prove their identities before ANY info is released, including whether this is your home or not.

Since they disregarded your wishes and are violating your privacy, why not play with them a bit? have FUN with them - laughter is great medicine after all. given that they are SOOOO concerned about your health, surely they will see that this is the best thing you can do with them.

 

[susiestar]

DDD- please remember that as you are now a grandmother, you are aware that with age comes wisdom. And the right to act as eccentrically as you please. When you combien the 2, you now EXACTLY which relatives are the most fun to annoy and play pranks on!

 

[Hound dog]

((hugs))

I know it hoovers, and it's more than a bit creepy. But hey, at least they cared enough to reach out to you.

I like Susie's attitude. LOL Might be fun, never know.

 

[susiestar]

Actually it was a riot when my great aunt did this. she got really angry when several relatives started visiting and fawning over her when she had cancer - people who lived a few blocks away and had avoided her actively until then. Of course they ONLY showed up when other people were there to see how much they 'cared' and how well they 'took care of her' (aka dropping off baked goods she could not eat because she was 'still' diabetic - as if it was somethng you could get rid of with enough 'willpower', lol!)

we had a BLAST watching her play with these people. I hope I am a lot like her when I am a little old lady. She rocked!

 

[hearts and roses]

No matter the contact we have in the past, when we hear of someone we know going through a health crisis or difficult time, it pains us on some level. Not knowing what else to do or how to express that means they will often reach out only during those times. Try to appreciate the thought, get on with your plan and not worry over the creepiness of it. Not being able to do anything to help you can be frustrating and make one feel helpess so a phone call, note or email is all they can do. You still get to choose who you confide in and share your tribulations with on a more intimate level. That's just my take on it.

 

[TerryJ2]

So sorry, Buddy. I hope that they can truly turn out to care, and not just be in the way.
All it takes is one FaceBook post and it's all over. Literally.
Fingers crossed for tomorrow!

 

[SearchingForRainbows]

While I'm sorry and believe that your wishes should be respected, I read what hearts and roses said several times. I think it's good advice. I'm not going to get "mushy" now. However, hurry up and get all of this over with!! We miss you already and need you here, with us, your other "family." Hugs... SFR