Sigh, mostly a vent

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Wiped Out, Jan 1, 2008.

  1. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm so tired from the day. We always have a friend over to watch bowl games with. Bless her heart she keeps coming every year despite difficult child (and even easy child) and his antics.

    In some ways difficult child maintained but only mostly and only with a ton of work on husband's and my part-today mostly husband.

    difficult child was non stop today-LOUD, obnoxious, and at points starting to meltdown (and somewhat violent at one point but we were able to calm him down). husband played with him a lot-game boy and we all played some games. Overall, he maintained well(was cheerful at points) but it was still a long day.

    And that leads me to easy child-who is very gfgish right now. Honestly we talked to her ahead of time about being polite, not egging on difficult child. Well that lasted all of about 5 minutes of our friend being here. She started in on him and wouldn't let it go-of course-he just gets more and more upset. She then gets upset that we are upset with her and storms out of the room for most of the rest of the day. At least she went down stairs and did her homework!

    This has been happening so much lately-she totally starts things with him and won't let them drop until she gets a bad reaction from difficult child. She did it yesterday on the way to the dog park and before that on Christmas Eve on the way to church (we actually had to stop the van and move her to the front seat).

    Yesterday morning she was screaming at me and then difficult child. She apparently wanted to start a new regimen with our dog (walking her and then feeding her) but forgot to mention it to me so I fed her. She was screaming at me and then difficult child and then went into a total meltdown-screamed that she hated our family, no one understood, then was silent with her head down for about 20 minutes. Anytime I tried to talk with her she just screamed.

    Ok, I'll stop now-sorry this got so long-just had to vent as I was so hoping for a better start to the year-wasn't horrible but could have been better. Thanks for listening!
  2. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Wow, you have had a LONG day! Here's hoping you can get a good night's sleep and things will be back on track soon- like tomorrow! My patience would be on over-time!


    Hope you relax and feels better soon-
  3. jannie

    jannie trying to survive....

    It's been a long vacation...I bet easy child will be better once she gets back to the school routine...sometimes they just need the structure.

    Sending hugs !
  4. Josie

    Josie Active Member

    Sorry easy child is being GFGish. I have the same thing in my house. I don't get why they can't see they are making the difficult child's worse which affects everyone.

    Gotta love it when they head to their room and stay there!
  5. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    Been down this road a bit. I think when easy child's seeing difficult child's getting the attention (even negative) they start to get some entitlement issues where they are concerned and try and get that attention too. Not that it is necessarily the case but sometimes it happens.

    The other thing is I know easy child was just so tempermental at 14. It is something that happens with girls at that age. Nothing you don't already know I am sure.

    You are not alone. Big hugs that she starts back to school and gets a better attitude.

  6. ML

    ML Guest

    I for one am looking forward to the return of structure and routine. I have to go back to work after 11 days off but I'm ok with it.

    I'm so sorry you had a rough day and hope you wake up feeling great tomorrow.
  7. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts


    I have to say that I admire your tenacity; your continued attempts, for lack of a better word, to maintain your traditions & rituals with difficult child & easy child/difficult child.

    husband & I have given up on many of our traditions because of kt & wm's inability to hold it together. For me personally, I've found that to be a real emotional loss. I grieve over those rituals & traditions we no longer celebrate due to the tweedles behaviors & antics.

    I grieve that I cannot share those rituals & traditions with the tweedles. In many ways they are missing out on friend & family relationships - a foundation that can be lasting.

    I'm sorry that your children had such a difficult time yesterday; that easy child was willing to push the limits & that difficult child simply couldn't maintain.

    How sad & frustrating for you & husband.

  8. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member


    I'm sorry that easy child is being such a difficult child!!! :grrr: :sad: I think, as someone else has already said, that part of the problem may be due to her age. My easy child is close in age to your easy child and I notice that she is getting more and more moody and self-centered. She still apologizes when she is wrong, but is distancing herself from me a bit. I think part of this is typical teen behavior. Her life revolves around her friends, clothes, music, and boys. She has less patience for her difficult child brothers.

    She definitely starts arguments with her difficult child brothers on purpose some times. I think she is angry over having to live with them and deal with the constant chaos they create on a daily basis. Although starting arguments with her brothers is wrong, I understand how resentful and angry she is for having her life turned upside down by them so many times. No matter how hard I try to make her life as "normal" as possible while also raising difficult children, it is difficult.

    Like Linda, we have had to give up some of our family traditions and rituals because of the behaviors of our difficult children. I know this affects my easy child in a very negative way. It also makes me very sad.

    As I always say, life with difficult children, no matter how much you love them, has a negative impact on everyone. I wish I knew how to change this.

    I hope today is a better day for you. :flower: WFEN
  9. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    Sorry to hear that both are pulling you into emotional exhaustion.
    Daughter is definitely a magnified teen horror show which all teens seem to go through at one time or another. Yuck.
    Hugs to both of you. It's tough work being so miserable. She could make her own life a little more tolerable if she could identify what she was feeling and why.
    As far as hating her home and family. I offered difficult child the opportunity to look for a family that treated him better, loved him more or could do more of what he needed. I would be willing to let him find his happiness. He never took me up on that offer. What I was thinking was "offer him what he seems to want". They are then forced to look at themselves. The ball is in her court.
    difficult child and easy child are different and can not be parented the same. Cries of unfairness is common. I had to remind easy child that he has abilities and a future that difficult child could only dream about. To those that are given much, much is expected. in my humble opinion. At some point easy child's will deal with having a difficult child sibling. They can develop character or they can whine about being a victim. She is young and still early on her journey of personal development. I think her behavior to such a difficult difficult child is to be expected. How to deal with it in a productive positive way is really the challenge for you and husband.
    Don't be the victim to her verbal abuse as well as difficult child's.
    At some point, enough is enough. They will heap on you until you stop them. If they can not be civil when a family gathering is planned, difficult child should be uninvited.
    He can join in an appropriate way or he can stay put in his room.
    Everyone tiptoeing around isn't a life. He can not be the pivot by which the whole family revolves. You and husband must be the pivot.
    Also, in my humble opinion. It may relieve easy child of some of her jealousy, frustration and anger. Not all of it as she is a teen but some of her anger at difficult child is well justified. Just not to be lived with every day.

  10. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    So sorry! {{hugs}}
  11. Janna

    Janna New Member


    It's exhausting and never ending, isn't it? I'm sorry you're struggling so much now.

    I'm going through the teenage h*ll right along with you. Can easy child get a job, and get out of the house some? LOL! I know that sounds like an awful suggestion, getting rid of her, but I'm going to tell you, my house settled down IMMENSELY when Brandon went to work. It was quiet, everyone got along, everything was great.

    The Friday before Christmas, he got fired, and he's been home, privelage-less since, and it's been awful. He's constantly agitating everyone else. He spends alot of time in his room.

    Maybe she can get a part time job in the evenings doing something.

    Hope the week gets better for you, my friend.
  12. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Thank you Ladies! Today was a much better day.

    Klmno-My patience was on overtime but I did get a good night's sleep.

    Jannie-Hopefully when she gets back she will be better when she gets back to school-if nothing else she won't have as much time to spend around difficult child.

    FairlyOddParent-That's what we keep saying is why can't she see how what she does makes difficult child worse and then she has to endure more!

    Beth-I think you are right on her entitlement issues. She is fed up with difficult child and I don't blame her.

    Michele-I think getting back to structure might be good-even though it means I have to go back to work too.

    Linda-We do keep trying with some of the traditions-not sure if it's smart or not. We have changed some though and I do miss that.

    WFEN-I too wish we could figure out how to change that negative impact.

    Fran-We have told her before she could look for a family where she would be happy-she usually gets fairly quiet after that. I need to have that discussion with easy child again about "to much that has been given, much is expected". You are also right about the verbal abuse. We do send them to their room but with difficult child the most he can stay is 5-10 minutes at this point.

    Nomatic-Good suggestions. Unfortunately difficult child doesn't have many friends and none really that come over. For easy child it might be an option but she is a bit of a loner too. I think I'll try that for her next year. We try to have things for difficult child to do himself but at this point he is incapable of being much on his own for an extended period of time-it is something we are working on.

    Terry-Thanks for the hugs.

    Janna-I can't wait for easy child to be old enough to get a job-I think it will be very good for her-at least during summers! She has a hard time just keeping up with school work during the year.
  13. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I like Nomatic's idea for a sep playmate ... we've actually hired sitters to watch difficult child while we've had people over to the house, and it's stressful in that sometimes the sitter runs out of ideas and we have to babysit the babysitter, but for the most part, they could keep difficult child busy for at least a cpl hrs, which allowed us to mingle and relax for a short time. We always give them instructions just to keep difficult child busy and occupied and out of the way. :smile:
    We have learned we have to hire people with-very strong personalities in order to deal with-difficult child, but you already figured out that part ...