Hi, all. I'm sorry to whine. I feel like I've used up more than my share of board space with just whiney stuff lately. But I am totally overwhelmed and I need ideas. You all know how difficult life with a difficult child is. I won't go thru that again. I posted not long ago about finances. With the cost of living going up, and the huge portion of my paycheck going out for difficult child (and other medical last year), I have been looking at ways to cut costs. Another of those ways has been to handle our own mechanical repairs to vehicles, which I am capable of doing and have been trying to do for the past year or so. However, I am really begining to resent husband over this matter, too. I am working 18 hours a day between work and trying to "cut costs" at home, while he puts in his 8 hours at work and comes home, MIGHT hay the livestock, and either tinkers in the shop or parks in front of the tv. As a typical example, yesterday, he got up at 10. Went to his folks and fed their cattle. Was gone 3 hours (they live 5 miles away). Got home and put some supports on the horse drawn sleigh he built, set up the new fishing pole he bought, then about 3:30, started hauling some of the brush out of the yard from the ice storm in December, worked til about 5, then went inside and made a holster for his gun. I fed the horses, cats, and chickens, filled the livestock tanks, difficult child 2 had a friend over (and I fed them, too), did all the laundry for the week (which I hung on the line to avoid using the dryer to save money), did all the dishes by hand (can't use dishwasher right now because drain line is collapsed, needs to be replaced, so all water has to be hauled outside in a bucket), changed the oil in the truck, loaded the transmission out of husband's truck, fixed lunch, sorted and loaded all the clothes from storage that difficult child 2 and easy child 2 have outgrown over the past couple years, and scraped the sealant off the roof of the camper to reseal it because its leaking and rotting the roof away and the shop was going to charge $500 labor to do it (and its not hard, just takes time). difficult child's friend had to leave on short notice, so I helped difficult child clean up from his friend, gave him a bath, fixed supper, took some of the clothes to a friend with smaller children (1/4 mile down the road), put difficult child to bed, then finished sewing a dress for a wedding (I got a perm in exchange for making the dress). In November, when easy child's truck broke down out of state, husband stayed home with the smaller kids on the pretense of "getting things caught up" while I took a 20ft gooseneck trailer 600 miles to pick up easy child and his truck to bring them home. When I got home, husband had built a wood burning stove and stuck it in one of our shops that has an entirely open front with no doors! That's all he'd done. He is currently driving my car because the transmission is out of his truck. easy child and I took the transmission out to get it fixed (which was the transmission we loaded yesterday). The car is wearing a tire badly. I replaced the tie rod end, but it still needs an alignment, I just haven't been able to get it to the shop. (husband got off work early Friday and went home and parked his hiney in front of the tv - after fixing himself some food, which was unfinished and left on the plate which was left sitting on the burners on the stove, along with the dirty skillet). He previously had been driving his parents' truck until the alternator went out of it. Now its parked. Yesterday he suggested I should get the alternator out of it, too, so we don't have to pay a core charge when we buy the new one. Everything we own is overdue for an oil change by at least a couple thousand miles. The camper has needed the bearings repacked for over a year now. The bull went thru the barn door. husband swapped stock tanks and didn't swap heaters, so he melted a hole in one of the stock tanks, so now we have 18 head and one 50-gallon water tank (not nearly enough). The melted one can be fixed, just needs to be cleaned, dried, and epoxied. The fuel filter is cracked on my truck and needs to be replaced. A radiator hose needs to be replaced on my car that he's driving now... A typical day starts with me up an hour before him, I get myself ready for work, pack difficult child's lunch, feed the chickens and the horse husband dragged home for difficult child (great horse for difficult child but has to have special diet and be fed twice a day and guess who does it? love the horse, its perfect for difficult child, don't get me wrong, but...little help here??? And who has time to ride, anyway?), take difficult child to school, go to work, pick difficult child up at school, go home, feed the horse, fix supper, do dishes, give difficult child a bath, get him ready for bed, and then try to cram in all of these other repairs and maintenance things around typical household tasks while husband reloads some shotgun shells, or watches tv. If I go to the shop to work on a vehicle, I'll come back inside to a house trashed by difficult child, while husband played computer or watched tv. He's got a pair of tiny shetland ponies. Both younger kids have outgrown them, but he refuses to get rid of them because they *CAN* be hooked up and driven as a team. We have a team of horses that we *DO* drive. Last time the ponies were hooked up? Three years ago and counting. Both ponies are foundered now and now require even more care - trims every 6-8 weeks without exception, can't be kept in the pasture, etc. At Christmas, when he built this sleigh, he went to the Amish to get parts for the sleigh, but never bothered to take the ponies to get their hooves trimmed. One pony had hooves 6 inches long, couldn't hardly walk (this is animal abuse in my book). I took the pony on one of my days off work cause I can't stand to watch them suffer. I have talked to him, and he'll do a little while I'm standing there after I talk to him, but like Friday when he got off early, when I'm not around, its all the same. He even watched movies and left the cases lying on the couch and floor in the living room. And when I talk to him, he will still bring up the fact that difficult child 1 didn't do his share when he was here - and gfg1s been gone for 6 months now! He didn't used to do this. easy child 1 says he's gotten too comfortable, but I'm beginning to think thoughts I don't like about this situation. He's the only dad difficult child 2 has, but I don't like what he's teaching difficult child 2, but I am beginning to feel like his mother. Leaving isn't an option, but I've talked til I'm blue. He'll help while I'm mad (but then he's mad, too, so what good is that???) We need to downsize to what we can manage or he needs to step up, but so far, he won't do either, and I"m exhausted. My BiPolar (BP) was 160/91 on Tuesday. Am I just whining or is there a serious workload balance issue here? Any suggestions?