.....to not cower to the rages......to say no every time I need to........to not reward the drama by my attention.......to set the limits, and endure the retaliation?
You have no idea how intense this child's rages are......or how dramatic......or how spiteful his retaliation is. I have bred a monster, who does not know how to set internal limits, and does not believe I will set external ones. How do I start this now? How do I find the strength to do this over and over and over ~ again? Truthfully, it feels as if I just do not have it in me to be consistent and follow through. Truthfully, it feels as if I am ruled by this monster I call my child. I hate it. Sometime I hate him. A lot of times I hate myself. When his medications are adjusted, correct, he is a gem, compliant and sweet. When his chemistry is off, his brain misfiring.......he is out of control. Nonetheless, I need to be able to say "NO" regardless of the balance of his brain. And somehow, I give in, every single, bleeping, time.