My son is now doing something called Lean. He is up all hours going out at 2 am and i am exhausted at work. I feel like a balloon that has been popped. He is sucking all the life out of me. I have never been so depressed.
in my opinion it is time to make him leave, even if you can only bear it if you pay for a place for him to stay. Kay took more drugs when younger than now, which is one reason we wanted her marriage to work and for her to leave. So we bought her and Lee a house, a stupid decision that we regret, but funding a cheap apartment may be worth it for your peace of mind. You can also just evict him and pay nothing, but I don't know if you are able to do that yet. We were not. But funding Kay did NOT help her. However it helped us. At least she wasn't using around us and her siblings. That made a difference.
Do whatever you can do to separate your living quarters from his. You already know it likely won't get better anytime soon and that we are all powerless over our beloved children's choices. Living with us doesn't change them. Its time to consider changing your relationship with your son. Sure, you love him. We love Kay to the moon. But we don't like her and she can't live with us.
You could get arrested because of the drugs he keeps or uses in your house. Pleases seek out Al Anon tonight, if you can.
I agree with Busy . You need to have local support through Al-Anon and whatever other local agencies may be able to help, and get your son out of your house.
You are not functioning when sleep deprived and what happens to you if you lose Your Job? Can you pack his belongings, place them on front of the front door, have your locks changed and then go stay somewhere else until this blows over?