Son hasn’t changed

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Helpless29, Jun 5, 2019.

  1. Helpless29

    Helpless29 Member

    Those who have read my previous post , know the struggles I’ve had with my 16 year old son. He was just released from Juvenile Detention less then 2 weeks ago after spending 4 months in there.I thought he had changed , I feel like a fool & stupid that I really believed this was going to be the WAKE UP CALL he needed.His grandparents who supported him the whole time & took him in, he is now disrespecting them, intimidating them when he gets angry, he refuses to take his medication, he’s being defiant, he missed the youth program he was court mandated to go to 3 times, he took off yesterday for a few hours even on his ankle bracelet& stole $30 from his grandparents wallet. PO went to there house today for a emergency visit & told my son ,there will be a court date set for the upcoming week to have him tested for drugs & to go back in front of the judge to either go back into custody or if judge allows with his father. Grandparents no longer want to deal with him , they feel hurt & disrespected after everything they done for him.My heart is hurt , how could I really believe that this was the end of our journey, that he was changed I should of known better ,4 months can’t change someone who’s been doing the same thing for 3 years . Don’t know what will happen now , if judge does put him in custody it will be for a long time. Judge had warned him at last court date if he got in any more trouble he would keep him there till he’s 18 teen.
     
  2. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    I don't understand this. You are a mother. That's what mothers do. They want with all of their heart that our children heal. This has not a thing to do with reality for any of us.

    I don't think your son necesarily was trying to deceive you. He did well when he was incarcerated. Apparently all of the structure and containment supported him to act and be better. He seems unable to do it alone.
    I hope for his sake and for yours (and probably Dad's) that the judge remands him back into custody. Son is so defiant, how would this work?

    You have nothing to feel foolish about. I do feel bad for his grandparents.

    It does seem that incarceration helped him. That is not necessarily a given. A lot of kids keep being bad boys, incarcerated or not.

    Right now look to take your mind off of this. Why not post here? You have a great deal to offer on other people's threads. That has helped me a great deal. Take care.
     
    Last edited: Jun 5, 2019
  3. Helpless29

    Helpless29 Member

    Stupid was probably a wrong choice word, I just thought this would be his turning point , as we all wish are kids will change for the better. I truly believe he wanted to do good. Well I’m mentally preparing myself for what’s going to happen over the next few weeks . Thank you for all your advice & staying with me through all my posts.
     
  4. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    Dear Helpless

    I mean it when I said, please take care of yourself.
     
  5. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Sorry to hear this but not surprised. My son started his madness at 15 and now is 23 and finally, finally after all these years and us finally sending him away for almost 3 years (to Florida sober living where he relapsed over and over wash rinse repeat) moving forward with his life!!

    He could have died a few times from overdoses on pills. Never did H or meth but some think pills are okay because hey, it's a prescription!! I'm not saying this is the route your son will take and I truly hope not.

    We all want a quick fix so bad we can taste it. I sure did. Looking back I am just happy that my marriage survived it and we all survived it.

    The most important advice you can get on here is to take care of yourself and that is something that I will say again and again. We tried everything to get our son to change and I don't think I took good enough care of ME for a long time in all of it.
     
  6. Crayola13

    Crayola13 Active Member

    He needs to see that people who aren't capable of following rules get put in jail. He needs to get serious about his future and start thinking about what he wants his life to be. His situation is of his own making. He was given the opportunity to prove himself.
     
  7. BusynMember

    BusynMember Active Member

    He is too unruly to stay with elderly grandparents. That in my opinion is always a bad idea. They may have good intentions but not the strength to handle kids like ours. My daughter has had a negative affect on our health, ages 60's.

    I wish you luck. Sometimes all you can do is pray.
     
  8. Crayola13

    Crayola13 Active Member

    What I see is a lot of kids drop out of school because they live with their grandparents who are too worn out to discipline them or make them do their homework.
     
  9. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    Please stop beating yourself up for having hope that this would turn him around. I think for some kids it does. Obviously the court was willing to give it a chance. Of course you hope this was his turning point. Makes total sense to me. I am glad he didnt steal more from his grandparents and has not physically hurt them.

    I have had that hope many times.... I dont hope so much anymore...but still know a turning point is possible.

    TL
     
  10. Helpless29

    Helpless29 Member

    He was only going to live with Grandparents for 30 days while him& dad worked out there issues in therapy.Grandparents wanted this to, but I think we were all fooled thinking he changed.