son is driving me bonkers,,,,,no help from docs!

[kassy]

Hello everyone.. i have not been on here in a long time but i need some courage -advice from those who have been here. My difficult child is back home after a time with reletives in another state..didn't work out go figure...ugh he is now 17 is in my face everyday as he is doing "school" at home since he cant go back to regular school..he is lieing, stealing money out of my purse and will look you right in face and be offended that you have the nerve to think he would do such a thing...he stinks from not showering, he doesn't even wipe himself properly..he pees all over my floor..venting venting venting..... he is rude and told my 10 yr old who is sick with a pancreas issue,(takeing her to childrens on tuesday) why didn't she just go kill herself...then he says he didnt say it.. like she was going to make it up..so we go to doctor who give medications and he wants him to go to physcologist for drug assessment and once again i leave there feeling as if i am the problem...i have stopped asking for him to do anything because of the volitale way he acts... my husband is useless with him he just wants to kick his and then he will be fine... i am caught in middle and my son doesnt make me want to protect him... please help me to understand this and give me your advice.. he is bipolar and add he is on abilify 7.5 thank you

 

[Loris]

Sounds like someone should look at the medications he is on. I think he should need a mood stabalizer as well as Abilify. I know most do that. If he is on drugs, his medications won't help him. Hopefully his Dr can make him aware of that. I'm so sorry you're going through this with him. I do hope it gets better, I understand feeling caught in the middle.

 

[Allan-Matlem]

Hi,
in my humble opinion I think a 3rd party , therapist could help to set up an understanding so that you can persue your expectations and address his concerns and of course monitor . I don't believe in conseques except a ' CHINS petition or foster care etc if he is not willing to try and cooperate. I also believe in a young adult as a buddy-tutor , confidant, positive influence etc
hang in there
Allan

 

[Marguerite]

I do think the suggestion to have him evaluated for possible drug use is worth pursuing. If he isn't using then it's good to have it ruled out. If he is - better to find out sooner rather than later. If he's stealing money from you, what is he spending it on?

Meanwhile, lock up your valuables and watch him like a hawk. Nanny-cam maybe?

And do not take this personally - either the suggestion to get him assessed, or his behaviour. Don't let him get to you. You are not a bad mother just because you have a difficult child.

Marg

 

[BusynMember]

Hi. I have a daughter who once used drugs (they also said she was bipolar--she isn't. Now that she's clean, she's fine). I had no idea she was on drugs. Color me stupid. She could turn on the tears if we asked about drug use, and she could also stare me straight in the eyes and lie about anything. We'd actually feel guilty about our true accusations. I wouldn't even bother to talk to a therapist about drugs. My daughter conned every therapist I ever took her to. I'd drop a surprise drug test on him and tell him he either take the test or he's gone when he's eighteen. If a child is using drugs only tough love works. My daughter straightened out fast when we finally had to make her leave because of her drug use and refusal to get treatment. If your son is bipolar, just taking Abilify is likely not enough, especially for somebody who is nearly an adult and as big as one. Why isn't he on a mood stabilizer? (Lithium, Lamictal, Depakote, Tegretal, Trileptal). Usually bipolar adults require a mood stabilizer AND an antipsychotic like Abilify (it's not a mood stabilizer). Since he is old enough to say "ay" or "nay" to his treatment, I'd tell him he can only live at home until he is eighteen unless he complies with treatment, then I'd take him to another psychiatrist for a second opinion on medications. His violence is dangerous to your other child and, even if he isn't using drugs and just has bipolar, he needs to decide to get help or he won't/can't change. But don't discount drug/alcohol use until you test him. 80% of all bipolar kids substance abuse, which makes the good medications useless and their illness worse. They truly need help. However, at seventeen, your son has to agree to it. My daughter wouldn't stop using drugs until we told her she had to leave. She's been clean a long time now. Hugs and take care of yourself!

 

[oceans]

I agree with everyone else. Check for drug abuse. If there is none I would have to guess that he needs a mood stabilizer with the abilify....

 

[kassy]

thank you everyone.. did drug test he is clean.. tested everything known to man so back to square one.. one thing is he is to blame game it is everyone elses fault no matter what it is... any ideals or am i just wasting my breath and health at this time.. 18 is only 6 months away..