Son seems lost in this world

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Stephany, Jul 31, 2017.

  1. Stephany

    Stephany New Member

    My son just turned 20yrs old, His father and I raised him and his sister with love, respect and independence. His whole life he was the jokester of the family, always trying to make people laugh, even when he was being more of a aggravator than anything. He is such a bright and big hearted guy. I recently found out he has been smoking weed, a lot of it. When I confronted him about it he told me he used it for his back pain (he had a serious back surgery at age 19) which now he has titanium rods screwed into his spine due to scoliosis. I am the open minded parent and working in the medical field I have seen my share of Opioid dependent drug addicts. I told him I was not fond of the use of marijuana but I would rather him not be on Opioids, but I was not aware of his large usage of it due to the fact he did not live at home, he had his own apartment(which I helped him to pay for). Long story shorter- we just moved him back home over the weekend because he has lost his job, no thanks to the ex-girlfriend. anyway we have discussed the future with him, pushing him a little harder to go to college, get a trade figure out what you want to do with your life, but it seems to fall on deaf ears. He says he is ready to do something with his life but 24 hrs later he just goes with the flow, back to the 1 main friend he has had since age 6, which by the way has no responsibilities because he lives off his parents and grandparents, he does not seem to want to grow up either. together they just seem to want to smoke weed and hang out. as much as it is going to kill me I feel I have no choice but to cut my son off, his car is in my name and he has no job to pay his insurance, so I am stuck paying his bills. I think he needs a therapist to talk to. I just don't know how to direct him to a happier, healthier future. I am so stressed..
     
  2. Teriobe

    Teriobe Active Member

    Sounds like he is hooked on weed. Weed makes people lazy. How can he get a job if he cant pass a drug test. You are gonna end up like his friends parents paying for everything. I would cut everything. He dont work, no need for a car, and if hes on alot of weed he shouldnt be driving anyways. If its your car, you might be held responsible if he crashes. Maybe hes just using his back issues as an excuse to use. He might benefit from drug counseling.
     
  3. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    I ageee with T. He must experience the natural consequences of his actions or inaction. He will chose the life he wants to live. He is 20 not a teenager any more. We are facing issues with my son and he is 17 soon to be 18. If he does not straighten out we will ask him to leave no sponging off of us.
     
  4. DazedandConfused

    DazedandConfused Active Member

    Hi Stephany,

    How is he paying for his weed? If you're "stuck" paying his bills, why isn't the weed money going for that? My 21 year-old son is a pothead. I hate it. However, since my state has legalized it and he has a medical card, my argument against (other than the stench) is rather weak. I do not allow him to smoke it on my property. Son has terrible anxiety and I have noticed it does mellow him out and calm him down. Still, he's not under a doctor's care...etc. However, he has a good job and pays for himself. In my house, my kids either had a job or were looking for a job if they wanted money. Period. It took son a long time to get a decent job, but I insisted he keep looking and he did. He also rides the bus because I won't buy him a car or co-sign for one. It makes his commute to work a long one. If he wants a car, he can take the steps to make it happen. Sorry your son lost his job. So, get thee out looking for a new one!

    How can you direct him to a happier healthier future? Bottom line you can't. That is a concept that can be hard for us Moms to wrap our heads around. That being said, letting him sponge off family only makes it less likely he'll ever find that happy future.I had an uncle that my grandmother enabled and supported to his grave (Died literally face down in the gutter from alcoholism). She enabled my Dad too, but not to the extent of my "poor uncle" who she considered delicate and weak. So, I would get my name off that car ASAP and stop paying the insurance. You might want to have a sit down with him. Going with the flow and getting high isn't going to cut it. You can give him a deadline. Be prepared to hold your line if he doesn't get his act together. Don't fall for any sob story either.

    Best wishes!