I'm going to write the facts and then my feelings towards them. These days sadness and guilt are just never far away from me. Got a call from the school on Wednesday to come get Tommy because he was out of control AGAIN. By the time I got there, he was in the principal's office with the principal and vice-principal in a state of absolute defiance/agitation. He had a good morning but when told that he could not go to a certain group which was not on his level he had a total meltdown and grabbed scissors and cut some blinds. This is the second time in a short span of time his class has had to be evacuated into another classroom. He was immediately defiant with me also and continued to just walk around the principals office touching things that he know he shouldn't and responding to nothing any of us were saying. The3 policeman from school came and after a lot of back and forth, he said he would follow Tommy and I home. He came into the house and stayed with me for about two hours until my husband got home because Tommy was so hostile. The whole time Tommy was taunting me and the policeman, seemingly enjoying the whole thing. Watching this, I got such a feeling of dread in my heart about Tommy's future which hasn't left me yet. The policeman wanted me to go get an involuntary order of commitment so that they could transport him to a hospital. I just honestly see no point to the hospital anymore. They play with his medications and send him home. I didn't get it. When my husband came home, Tommy was being so disrespectful to all of us and the policeman seemed to be encou4raging us to discipline our son physically. (I can almost not make it through this post). Instead of running interference between my husband and my son, I left the room. My husband obviously punched Tommy in the arm and he now has bruises. I beg you guys to understand and believe me that this is not a violent man. I actually started thinking: maybe this is what he needs. He needs to know there's a limit to what we'll put up with. Anyway he eventually calmed down. My husband and I both feel sick and hopeless. Tommy does start partial hospitalization next Tuesday. He will go to that program from 8am-3pm. That, however, is only for two months at most. Now they're talking about putting him in a self-contained classroom but he's very smart and will most likely be put in with kids who are way below him academically and I have no idea if he'll fall behind. Add to all this the total guilt I feel about being on Prozac all during my pregnancy with him and now that being link3ed to Autism, and then watching 20/20 Fri night and hearing all these kids talk about how bad they felt on medications and the weight they gained, I'm kind of losing it. I'm so afraid I'm going to lose my son. I want to run away with him to somewhere no one know3s us and just protect him from the world. Not what I'm going to do, just how I feel. I'm lost today.