Sorry, bit of a weird question?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by lovelyboy, Apr 26, 2012.

  1. lovelyboy

    lovelyboy Member

    Had a conversation with some one this morning.....somewhere during the conversation a just mentioned my son showering while I was in the bath.....This person almost got a fit about the fact that I allow my 8 yr old to see me naked!
    Ussually I dont allow him hanging around to 'check things out'! I handle it discretely......
    She then went on saying maybe this could be contributing to his behaviour problems!!!! OMW!!!????
    I dont see nudity in the same light as sexuality.....Am I being off track here, allowing my 8 yr old to see me naked, like when I am dressing....but assually I tell him I want privacy......I also dont want to run for a towel everytime he comes in to a room.....I just handle it discretely.....nudity is part of being human? With the necessary respect to each other?
  2. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Some of this is definitely unique to different cultures, some to different generations. I do NOT think occasionally seeing a parent nude in an unsexual situation could cause the problems that your chld has. Personally I don't see a problem with it - take reasonable measures to ensure privacy but kids don't always knock and sometimes they see a parent unclothed. It is FAR healthier, in my opinion, to handle it in a calm way and ask for privacy than to run and hide and make a big deal. Making a big deal gives the message that there is something wrong with an unclothed human body. There isn't. We all have them, they come in all shapes and sizes and it is natural. What could be more natural than the unclothed human body?

    I have to mention a memory this brings up. I worked in a restaurant with a 'hippie' vibe. The decor rotated from the owner's kite collection to some lovely sketches of nude females.. These were on the walls for at least 2 decades. In the party room at one time there was a poster of a group of meercats standing up. We actually had a church youth group ask us to cover the meercats or move them to the main dining room (with the nude pictures) because it was somehow inappropriate for these teens (13-16) to see the 'private parts' of the meercats. The entre staff thought this was about the dumbest, most hilarious stupid request we had ever heard. Of course then they wanted us to put sheets over the nudes. The mgr who is a dear friend, told them no. Just no to both requests. The pics were there when they booked the room, nothing was said until they were there already, and it was notsomething we changed for anyone. Take it or leave it, but no refunds.

    The youth minister tried to make a HUGE deal about this, even sent a letter to the paper and when that was not printed he used the youth budget to PAY for ad space to print his complaint. The result was a lot more groups coming to our already very popular restaurant to see what the fuss was about and to laugh about the stupidity.

    Some people forget that we were made in God's image if you believe the bible. They use their religious beliefs, right or wrong, to say that seeing the bare body of a human is a bad thing. But if we are made in God's image, how is it bad to get a casual glimpse of a nude body? I have yet to have a priest or minister or educated religious person not stop and go "Uhhhhhhh" and not really give me a reply that made any sense. And I have been asking since 3rd grade when it came up in my religion class at Catholic school.

    This is MY opinion and NOT a statement for or against any religion or anyone' religious views.
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Sonic used to walk in on me all the time (our lock was broken). He acted oblivious and would just ask whatever he was going to ask as if I had my clothes on, then leave. I don't think it affected him in a bad way at all. I am not even sure he noticed...haha.

    I know this wasn't too helpful, but it's true :)
  4. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    I remember hearing a study somewhere that seeing a parent nude for young kids is developmentally no big deal...

    BUT - once a child is 8, 9, 10 and the hormones are beginning to ramp up for puberty - you son may have a physical reaction to a naked woman, whether it is a "sexual situation" or not - and then this can lead to confusion, as obviously, a boy should not be physically aroused by the sight of his mother.

    I do think he is getting a little old.

    Best to grab a towel.
  5. keista

    keista New Member

    My first thought was, "You're asking a bunch of primarily Americans this question?????????" Anyway, so far, so good.

    I don't have a problem with it either. I sleep in the nude and youngest still comes in to my bed. The older ones - not so much. This just happened naturally. Natural modesty kicked in and that's just the way it is. No big fuss made about it.

    Anyway, I was a bit surprised to find out that my cousin and her family have a hot tub, and they use it 'al fresco'. Bug me? No. Do I judge? No. Just a bit surprised because I thought Catholics were even more repressed than your average American, but I guess not when both halves of the family are first generation Americans.
  6. buddy

    buddy New Member

    If I made a big deal out of Q walking in when I am naked it WOULD be a big deal. It is precisely because I dont that this is not another huge issue for us. I just do the same, ask for privacy and he says others have said, he will continue to ask his question as he is walking out.

    He does now know people prefer privacy and he is careful about not showing himself when out of our house, but for him the line is home versus out of the home. He walks around naked looking for a special shirt etc....never has everything ahead of time. I think he is happy not to have the constriction of clothes. He is also comfortable talking to me about his body because I do not ever make a deal of that either.

    I honestly do not think it is any big deal that he sees you naked as long as you are not flaunting it which you are saying you are not...NO WAY it accounts for his delays/differences. (in my opinion) If that was true then whole cultures of people who do not wear clothing would have tons of problems, they are the very same physically, boys become men the same in those cultures and have the same responses to women's bodies.

    Obviously as kids grow we little by little teach them about privacy and you have already started the process so relax, that person was just uptight.

    I imagine many here are not as uptight because we have had such bigger issues to deal with in our kids! LOL.
  7. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    My parents walked around nude when I was a child. I thought it was normal. I didn't say anything about it, ever, because there was never a deal made out of it.

    My own natural modestly kicked in as a tween, and that was that. I didn't sweat it. No big deal.

    And then... I met husband. Who would be a nudist if he could get away with it, but in today's general society, no dice. Still, no big deal - except - the KIDS (then ages 8 & 5) made a HUGE HUGE HUGE deal about it, because bio accused husband of unspeakable things over and over.

    Mind, it was all we could do to get Onyxx to NOT change clothes in the middle of the living room, when we had company - and she would make a HUGE deal of us seeing her "nakey" but then do that or not close the bedroom door. And with every new accusation, I learned to be SUPER careful. And Jett? Only in the last year has he stopped just walking around nude from bedroom to bathroom, etc.

    Onyxx and Jett have both walked in on me, in the tub or my bedroom. Onyxx screamed that I needed to put clothes on (in the TUB? :rofl:). I told her to knock next time. Jett didn't notice, a few times, then the last couple he has been embarrassed. I've also started not bundling up just to get a cup of coffee - if I am wearing a t-shirt and undies, that's more than the average swim suit. No big deal. And the kids have reacted accordingly - or should I say, not reacted at all...

    And Bean? Will be used to it. I'm treating it as a nonissue.
  8. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    True. True.

    And regardless of the study's findings on sexual confusion - it in NO WAY indicated that parental nudity contributed to any kind of difficult child-ness in kids.
  9. lovelyboy

    lovelyboy Member

    LOL buddy....I haven't GOT anything to flaunt!!!!!! Ha ha ha!!!!
    Thanx for all your replies.....:)
  10. buddy

    buddy New Member

    YUP it is always our fault! Maybe we need signs like on the dishwasher (clean/dirty) or public bathrooms....occupied or more to the point.... KIDS do not enter, this room is in use! I think if you started wearing clothes in the bath tub, CPS might THEN think you had a mental illness that you needed their help for....
  11. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    No, no - I'm sure they'll just sign you up for PARENTING CLASSES.

  12. buddy

    buddy New Member

  13. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I don't often talk about this, but my nerve issues have made clothing impossible at times. My skin feels like I am being stabbed on every millimeter of skin if I have clothing on. It is sheer agony. I always have a blanket around so I can cover up if the kids need to talk to me, but even that is very painful much of the time. It is a weird twist on the nerve problems and pain disorder that I have. there is NO effective treatment according to the many docs I have talked to. So my kids occasionally see me nude. It isn't a big deal here. I respect their wish to not see me nude, and stay in the bedroom on bad days. I hate it, but if nudity caused problems then thank you and J would have HUGE ones bc I literally cannot tolerate clothing all the time. I have had to cancel specialist appts or go in with tears streaming down my face the entire 90 min trip each way and during the entire appointment just because clothes hurt that much. I only wear dresses that are VERY loose because anything else is much much worse. Heck, ANY waistband makes my back muscles all spasm and my body will swell up 4 entire sizes - not from say 20 to 24, but from 20 to 28 in under an hour. None of the docs know why except it is a pain response. Again, no treatment and it has been this way for almost 15 yrs now. I gave up on bras for the same reason. It limits my life hugely and I hate that, but it is what it is. I haave tried specialists, alt medicine, herbal medicine, chiropractic, and every other type of treatment we could find. Nothing helps. no one knows what to do.

    But the human body is natural and normal and being ashamed of it is just not a good thing for anyone.
  14. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    I grew up in a house with one bathroom... and female family members who needed (or loved) to "soak".
    And male members who would get engrossed in projects (major engine rebuild, anyone? oh, and I need the car for a date tonight...) and then really have to go right now...
    If you were just using the toilet, you had the option to lock the door.
    If you were having a shower or bath... you closed the curtain. And nobody peeked. (really)
    Everybody knocked before entering - so, if you were changing, they waited.

    As far as "covering up"... I go with the theory that as long as you're covered enough for a "fabric-required beach"... there IS no issue.
  15. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Of course in special circumstances there is no choice. on the other hand, lol, here's a different viewpoint for the thread.

    I personally found it preferable to raise our extended family with the concept of adapting to social norms, respecting others as well as yourself and contributing to the family environment. That was true in a bunch of areas. We wanted a home where any of us could have company and not worry about the house being dirty. We wanted a home where each of us could have time alone by going to our rooms and in fact we encouraged seeking solitude if you felt angry or too tired or wanted to be quiet when the rest of the family was in a noisy mood.

    We always knocked on doors before going into bedrooms or bathrooms. Personally I wanted the kids to know that it was not OK to walk into any occupied space with-o permission. Married couples need privacy, exploring kids need privacy and if visiting other homes (or having visitors at our home) there was no reason for anyone to see or feel uncomfortable. Out of the eight children only two visited homes where the rules included less modest behavior. One told me later and one called using our fake "have to call home" plan to expedite leaving the environment.

    None of the kids have hangups about nudity, by the way. Yes I'm sure they each saw their siblings undressed and likely friends too when they did sleepovers. I may not be explaining it accurately but for our family it worked well. DDD
  16. Giulia

    Giulia New Member

    I saw both of my parents naked. So did my sister.
    Sexual confusion had never arose, and we perfectly knew that sexual behavior is not allowed.
    I feel this therapist like he wanted to say whatever he wants to blame your parenting, whereas he does not want to find what is the true core issue. If I were you, I would run away from him.

    We can teach children to knock at door and allow nudity at the same time. We can teach them that nudity is allowed at home, but it's confined to home.
    We can teach children that outside our home, it is forbidden.
    Nudity is allowed in certain spaces and not in others.
    We can teach at the same time that privacy is not reading letters of other people without permission, not going into the others' room without permission, no stealing, no gossiping (yes, "no gossiping" is part of the rules for teaching privacy to children).
  17. helpangel

    helpangel Active Member

    Inside your own home I believe this is something that is what each family is comfortable with. We only have one bathroom so if someone needs to go while I'm in the shower - just please don't flush. If I'm handing my son TP while he's sitting on the toilet I automatically have my back to him as has nothing I want to see. LOL

    Inside your home... however I have a friend that likes to run around in just her panties cleaning etc. she has no problem answering door and signing for packages etc. topless. bit of an exhibitionist if asked me. In her case I think she needs to get some better curtains for her front room as her teenage son gets $5 a kid to let other teens stand in his front yard and throw a ball. No joke I went over there one day and there were 6 kids standing in her front yard with her vacuuming in front of the big picture window.
  18. Ktllc

    Ktllc New Member

    husband and I are the kind to walk naked around the house. But for a bout 1 year now, I don't do it anymore mainly because of V. He just stares at me, then giggles and I just had enough of it. Now, when he walks in on me (happens A LOT), I just for privacy until I'm done.
    But with 3 kids ranging from 1 to 6, privacy is a little bit strong. LOL
    The boys still take showers with their husband, although we are weaning them (V still ask, not so much Partner), and of course Sweet Pea is with us no matter what we do during the day.
    Nudity is indeed very cultural and what is acceptable varies SO much.
    I'm French, so according to the popular American belief, I'm supposed to be quite open minded on the matter. But not as much as the Germans.
    In college in Germany, I was walking to the nearby lake with a friend in Berlin (note: big city, not a remote country lake). Beautiful day, sunny, we are chatting and not paying too much attention to the crowd gathered around the lake: just people swimming, laying on their towel, kids running around.
    Then all of the sudden, my friend is livid, speechless and freeze. I look around: EVERYONE IS NAKED!!! And no, that was not a nudist club. Just a regular day at the lake in the German culture. A bit too much to my taste, but...
    Lovely, do what ever feels right to YOU. And don't listen to people's nonsense.
  19. jal

    jal Member

    I think it depends on your situation and how you personally feel with it. My parents never did that I can recall, but I remember hanging around my mom when she dressed at times. It wasn't innappropriate or anything, just a time when we could chat. Her mother, my grandmother was equally ok. I can remember spending the night and the next am having to ask her for something and she was getting ready. She made no big deal of it. But my Dad's mom...Different school. She was very pruddish and flustered once when I came up to ask her something after a night over. She was uncomfortable. But fully clothed she could be a flirt. For example difficult child started being a difficult child around 2. husband would take him a time here or there to shower at the same time when he was little, but we stopped around 3. husband and I do not walk around in the buff around difficult child, always a towel or something and lately he has taken in to coming into our room in the am before he gets dressed for school. That is fine as I am often finishing getting ready in our bathroom and difficult child likes to cuddle with our Boston baby who is camping on our bed. I usually come out and tell him to go & dress so I can get ready in privacy. Don't think its a problem if something is seen innocently, but I make sure that it isn't because having a difficult child (or my difficult child) means he might announce to class that he saw mom's ****. Don't need to ruin anyone elses day.