Stealing from Parents

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Mirror man, Aug 9, 2013.

  1. Mirror man

    Mirror man New Member

    19 year old son has taken our credit card several times, good kid only child we haven't disciplined and spoiled him. Isn't really looking for a job has nice truck which we provided. I don't want to throw him out but he needs some serious discipline. Wife bought him a guinea pig yesterday and I said you are nuts and her explanation was he needs to be responsible. I said why not get a job? Just looking for feedback as I think she rewarded him by purchasing this pet
  2. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    have you required him to make restitution for the charges on your credit card? I don't get why buying him a pet to teach him responsibility when he doesn't have any to begin with... Sorry. I am not more sympathetic right now. My own difficult child is giving me fits and wanting me to "trust" her when she lies to me daily. At 19, and stealing money and no job my dtr would be out the door and the truck with be locked in the garage. just my two cents... on a bad morning and I am out of coffee. KSM
  3. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Somehow, you got to where you are. We don't know any of the history... the history might give some perspective. Its going to be one of two situations, or maybe both:
    1) he's had issues and challenges on various fronts for years, and this is the latest, or
    2) at some recent point in time, he "became somebody else" and is acting out of character

    If it's the second one, you may well be dealing with substance abuse.
  4. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Ditto. DDD
  5. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Hello and welcome!

    I admit I am confused by what seem like contradictory statements here...such as "taken our credit cards - good kid" and "haven't spoiled - or disciplined".

    Unless your son has some sort of condition that renders him mentally or physically challenged in some way - then you are talking about a 19 year old MAN.

    It seems odd to buy a grown man a pet to teach him some responsibility.

    It seems odd to be talking about needing to discipline an adult.

    Why is he not responsible for paying for his own truck / insurance / gasoline / cell phone / clothing etc? Why are you and your wife willing to foot all of his bills - especially if he is stealing from you?
  6. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I think you should post on Parent Emeritus because that's the forum for adult children. You have a different relationship and different choices when your children are over eighteen. For one thing, you don't have to fund them. For another thing, you can draw a line in the sand and say, "You get a job by Aug. 20 or we pack your bags." Stealing is usually a sign of drug use...they steal to buy...but they are not ambitious and don't want to work. I would search his room, check his Facebook and cell phone. The poor guinea pig will probably starve. This is a troubled young man and there is no simple fix nor can YOU fix him anymore because of his age. It is on him now and you and your wife have to sit down and decide what to do about it.

    Is he going to school? Helping around the house? Doing ANYTHING? Any early diagnoses or troublesome history? Are you his father? Does he refuse help? Something more is going on here and you don't discipline a nineteen year old like you do a sixteen year old or a ten year old. If he won't work, he doesn't need a cell phone or internet or car insurance because he is old enough to pay for it, plus pay for any gas or car insurance. Why in the world did he get a free nice truck???? All of my grown kids had NO car of their own until they worked and bought one and had to help pay insurance and gas when they drove OUR transportation. They grew up with good work ethics. My younger two will have to do the same or they won't be living here. However, I don't anticipate any problems with this. Your boy is being treated like a child. Are you maybe a stepfather who doesn't know what to do about mom babying him and allowing him to get away with stealing?

    Again, I higly recommend Parent Emeritus and welcome to the board, although sorry you have to be here.